How long will it take?

[MsDexter]

Just as the title says how long do you think it'll take to get over 3 year relationship or let's say long term.

 

So far I am on day 4 and I am not doing well at all. But maybe cause it's still early I'm just afraid I might feel like this for a looong time one of my friends is still stuck on her ex after 4 years =| I'm afraid I am going to turn into her.

[Puckdog27]

Everyone is different. First step is to stop focusing on how long it will take to move on, and begin moving on. Dates matter not when it comes to emotion. The true love of your life could be right around the corner, but you may miss him because he gets there before the time for healing you set for yourself hasnt expired.

[mca1975]

It's impossible to say, but know that it will likely get worse before it gets better, so prepare yourself. You will go through lots of emotions, but its all natural and part of life and letting go of things we love.

[MsDexter]

Thank you for the replies. Yeah I guess it makes sense. I think I am prepared I am just scared of feeling the way I do today couple of years down the line.

[shes2smart]

It's day 4. You're supposed to feel like crap.

 

Your friend who is still stuck after that long has made a series of choices that keep her stuck. You do not have to make the same choices.

 

While healing times vary, I think you'll find the vast majority of people really get moving along with their lives in that 6 months to 1 year time frame.

 

But 4 days post-break up, you're supposed to be curled up in bed, crying your eyes out and snarfing down Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia by the quart.

[MsDexter]

It's day 4. You're supposed to feel like crap.

 

Your friend who is still stuck after that long has made a series of choices that keep her stuck. You do not have to make the same choices.

 

While healing times vary, I think you'll find the vast majority of people really get moving along with their lives in that 6 months to 1 year time frame.

 

But 4 days post-break up, you're supposed to be curled up in bed, crying your eyes out and snarfing down Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia by the quart.

 

I agree with that, she has him on MSN and talks to him regular and also waits for him to say something if he doesn't she complains. Stuff like that.

 

I am not planning to do that myself.

 

I want to cry but at the same time I don't want to and I feel like it's all bottling up.

[iBroken]

You need to cry when you feel like it. You need to ride these emotions out. If you want to cry, then do it. Do it until you one day wake up, have the urge and say Nope.....Not today, Im done with the tears.

 

I agree that people who are still hung up on their ex's years later make the decision to be stuck there.

 

I refuse to fall into that category. My ex does not deserve that level of commitment from me LOL

[MsDexter]

You need to cry when you feel like it. You need to ride these emotions out. If you want to cry, then do it. Do it until you one day wake up, have the urge and say Nope.....Not today, Im done with the tears.

 

I agree that people who are still hung up on their ex's years later make the decision to be stuck there.

 

I refuse to fall into that category. My ex does not deserve that level of commitment from me LOL

 

Ah that is the feeling I want to have right now I want to believe he doesn't deserve it it's just so sudden as well *argh*

 

When you say they make decision to be stuck there do you think it is because they keep in contact and that?

[iBroken]

They might keep in contact, they might just hold on to memories for too long. Im not sure as I have never been there.

[shes2smart]

Some of the mistakes I've seen people make include:

 

- Continuing to stay in contact with the ex. This is akin to picking at a physical wound and then complaining when it doesn't heal and becomes infected. Even with exes who eventually become friends, there is generally a period of time where they had absolutely nothing to do with each other. This allowed both parties to heal & move on.

 

- Believing things like "I'll never love again" or "S/he's my soul mate!" or similar sentiments that come to the conclusion that this particular person is the only one you could possibly ever love and who would ever love you. These ideas leave you no options, no room to grow, and no reason to move on.

 

- Fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of opening up and getting hurt again (by someone else), fear of being single, fear of letting go, fear of having to take responsibility for one's life (if you have a partner around, they're a convenient target to blame if something....anything goes wrong or if you're unhappy).

 

- Some people enjoy being miserable. Weird, but true. Misery is....well...miserable, but it's familiar.....and it doesn't really require you to take any risks or do anything differently.

 

- If you think you're getting stuck, NOT doing anything about it. You know how you're feeling right now....on day 4 post-break up? I'd suggest to you if you're still feeling like this - more often than not - in about 5 or 6 months, it's time (IMO, PAST time) to haul your butt into therapy becuase you're probably working on getting yourself stuck.

 

Of course, hauling your butt into therapy at any time post-break up is an option (a choice, if you will) that you can make. Choosing to do the work that therapy requires is another choice you can make. Those are examles of choices people make that are less likely to get them stuck....or choices they can make to help themselves get un-stuck.

[MsDexter]

Thank you for the advice