What's the deal with Facebook?

[soporcogitavi]

Ive been a member of this site for awhile, I often find myself reading threads from various forums. It seems that I see this recurring issue where facebook is at the root of alot of relationship problems and potentially the cause of breakups.

 

Either one of the partners finds some inapporiate messages on the opthers account, or someone adds a the BF or GF to their frind list and tries to develop a relationship with that unavailable person, knowing that they're involved. Or the relationship seems to take some turn for the worst as a result of comments posted or a message that shouldnt have been there.

 

I personally dont understand any of this, I dont have a facebook account and I never will. I just find its impersonal and it seems from what I can tell, to be an online dating service without actually terming it that way, or maybe its just that some people use like that. I may be wrong here because I dont have it. What are your opinions on this? Experiences with this? Can someone fill me in, if im correct or not? My girlfriend has a facebook account should I be worried? (Im not a jealous type, but im wondering)

[Doc Blaze]

facebook is not evil if you can control yourself....some use it as dating sites yes..some use it to keep up with family...some use it as promotion for their companies and some use it as keeping up with old friends...

[pumpkinmoon]

I hate facebook. I have it to keep in touch with friends though.

 

I agree that it causes a lot of problems in relationships but I think that a relationship should be strong enough not to let it.

 

As long as the person in the relatonship doesn't harbour unwanted attention and is honest, then there shouldn't be a problem.

[laboheme]

I think facebook is a great way to keep in touch with people, particularly those with whom you don't have contact on a regular basis. It has allowed me to reconnect with some old high school classmates, for example, whom I never would have seen otherwise. It's a great tool, it really is. Obviously, my close friends are always available via phone or e-mail, but the people with whom I'm not terribly close would be harder to reach if not for facebook.

 

People's approaches to facebook are different. Some are very minimalist and only list their name and education, for example. I think that's taking it a little foo far, personally -- it basically makes it an online white pages listing. I'm a moderate facebook user and have enough information on there to make my profile individualized (interests, pictures, etc.) but I keep it appropriate and pretty static. And others take facebook too seriously and think that their entire life should be put on display -- every little detail must be tracked.

 

That's when you run into trouble. If one person is a facebook minimalist and doesn't need to advertise every detail of his or her life on their, but the significant other is obsessed with facebook, there are bound to be disputes:

 

"Why didn't you list our relationship status on facebook?"

"Um, I only have my name and school listed on facebook."

"Oh, so you mean that our relationship is not important enough to list?"

 

Things like that. A lot of people don't realize that just because someone doesn't say that he or she is in a relationship on facebook, that doesn't mean that he or she is single or that he or she is trying to keep the relationship a secret. I don't have my job listed on facebook; that doesn't mean that I don't have a job!

 

Very few people use facebook as a dating site. A lot of people set high privacy settings, and you absolutely cannot search for someone who is 5'10", has blue eyes, and loves dogs. Not like a dating site at all! In most cases, you have to know the person's name to find him or her on facebook in the first place. You rarely get random people sending you messages or adding you as a friend. People usually only communicate with people that they already know in real life. (Example: adding a classmate as a facebook friend. Not: searching for a random Jane Doe and suggesting that you meet up for coffee.)

 

So, I'd say that you shouldn't be worried at all that your girlfriend has a facebook account.

[geekgirl4]

I think facebook is my best and primary way in keeping in contact with people. It becomes a problem when you take it too seriously and nitpick over every detail. It's hard to get the emotions and context right in digital space so people end up taking things the wrong way. It can also be said that facebook makes it easier to get to know a person. You meet a guy and he seems sincere but when you check his facebook he's is commenting on tons of girl's profiles saying they're hot stuff. There's pros and cons. IMO, I think facebook has more pros so i'm sticking with it.

[SocialStigma]

Facebook has never been a problem in my relationship. I just used it to stay in touch with high school friends who now go to different universities.

[Nerdyjock]

Here's my thoughts on this.

 

Facebook and other social networking sites simply provide more opportunities for bad things to happen - it doesn't really "create" them though.

 

Think pre-internet and cellphone dating. There weren't pretty people popping up on your computer with statuses and pictures of them half naked at the beach. Instead, you call on a land telephone to talk to your bf/gf, or you visit them in person. Interactions were much more personable and focused.

 

With things like facebook, where you can keep up with multiple people at once, you get an overload of distracting things (whether they are bad, good, or neutral), and for people without a responsible sense of using facebook, this can be bad.

 

For example, people prone to jealousy have more traps to fall into... perhaps they see all these people having fun in their pictures and think they are missing out or that their life is boring.

 

Another example is people prone to infidelity may be bothered when they see their ex gf from highschool pop up and looking more amazing then ever and begin questioning their relationship.

 

So basically, facebook isn't an evil thing in itself (in my opinion) but more of a possible deterrent to relationships depending on what people may or may not be susceptible (sp?) to.

 

Lastly, I'm an aspiring Psychologist, and there have been studies done on social networking sites like Facebook. Most of them point out a correlation that basically says, More hours spent by a person on facebook is linked with lower self-esteem, lower happiness, and increased symptoms of depression.

 

This doesn't mean Facebook causes these problems, but there is definitely some sort of link.

 

Moral of the story: Facebook can be an amazing tool for truly keeping up with people and staying in touch. But beyond that, it can definitely be a trap for people who may be prone to mental health or relationship issues.

[confusedgirly]

If I didn't 'snoop' on my ex fiancee's facebook PMs last year I would still be with him and probably walking down the aisle very soon.

 

Thank god I looked - and yes, I found very inappropriate messages with another woman.

[anya85]

Facebook is a website for the purpose of social networking. It is not evil. The problem comes when *people* choose to use it to flirt with others/try to get their ex back/try to make someone jealous/snoop on someone/blah blah blah. The problem lies in the intent of the user, there's nothing to blame on the site itself--soley on the ones using it for the wrong reasons(which they would probably do some other way, if not this one.)

 

That's like someone using their cell phone to talk to some hottie they met at the bar and send scandalous text messages and pictures too and their SO finding out and blaming all cell phones and not the actual people doing it!

[Cognitive_Canine]

People may be upset with me for saying this but I only think that facebook is bad for unstable relationships.

 

People who trust each other and communicate well won't have issues with it.

[geekgirl4]

People may be upset with me for saying this but I only think that facebook is bad for unstable relationships.

 

People who trust each other and communicate well won't have issues with it.

 

Exactly. It can be a problem when couples take tiny things and blow it out of proportion ("WHAT? You LIKED this girl's picture???!!!).

[DaBladeRoden]

Facebook is the devil like that

[KH26]

I like Facebook. I use it to keep in touch with my friends and post photos for family members to see who I don't get to see very often.

 

But I hate the way some people make a bit deal about who's talking to who on Facebook. Especially couples who split up over something that's been posted on there.

 

Someone I knew from secondary school was in a relationship with this guy and found messages he'd been sending to some girl on there. They're forever splitting up over Facebook and getting back together again. She has his name tattooed on her and last week she went to get it lasered off because of something she saw on Facebook! Ridiculous in my opinion (splitting up over something on Facebook and having his name tattooed on her when clearly things were a bit dodgy anyway).

 

I see a lot of people on there who are splitting up and getting back together because so and so has been talking to some girl/guy/animal/whatever on there. People who are a bit paranoid about where their relationship is heading anyway should steer away from it I think.

 

I do have my relationship status on there. My boyfriend has a Facebook account but rarely uses it. He sends messages to his female friends on there sometimes and I send messages to my male friends. What's the harm? I don't mind him having female friends, he doesn't mind me having male friends. We trust eachother so it's not an issue. But for some people it is and Facebook in no way helps the situation!

 

Facebook's good as long as you're not taking it too seriously.