I have no idea why she hates me!

[LilyXX]

When I first met my boyfriend friends Max and Linda they both seem really nice, especially Max. When we go engaged a few month later and told them they seemed happy for us.

 

Then my bf said that he thinks that Linda seems to be mad at him about something, she said that she was upset that he did not involve her and her husband it his life more, she was upset that she only found out about me after a few months of us being together. It almost seemed like she was mad that he did not consult with her before proposing.

 

I though that the whole thing was stupid and did not pay attention to it.

They came to our wedding eventually, although Linda said that she did not want to come to the religious ceremony because she is “anti-religion” and she does not agree with the fact that we are doing it. (Like we had to ask her)

At the wedding she did not even say congratulations.

 

After the wedding we invited some friends over to watch pictures. We had to invite Linda because we could not invite her husband without her.

Everyone came in at the same time and I greeted all the guest with a hug.

Linda pulled away as I was about to hug her. She refused any drink that was offred to her and hardly talked to anyone. As we were about to watch pictures he said “Oh I have already seen these” I said “Really, when?”

She said “I was there at the wedding”

 

She made it very obvious that she has a problem with me.

I had to say something to her as she was leaving so I said

“Thank you for coming”

 

I have no idea what is her problem.

 

It occurred to me that she could be jealose, but that just seems ridiculous.

[iJester]

Don't worry about it. I understand your concern and confusion, but she's not even worth the time it took you to write this post. Just ignore her from now on. Don't acknowledge her presence ever again. Maybe inquire with your husband as to what their history is between the two of them, but beyond that, you'll never really know why she doesn't like you. It's petty and silly, and you shouldn't even waste your time wondering.

[LawlessOne]

She might be jealous of the newness of your marriage; the many congratulations, the gifts and smiles. Then again, some people are just weird like that. It's like they don't want anybody else to get to where they've been. Nevermind her, it's your time to shine. So shine.

[LilyXX]

Thank you iJester, totally makes sense.

She hit on my husband once "as a joke" before we were together.

He will never get involved with a friends wife. He would never go for someone like her anyway, she is very plain looking.

[unknown100]

Not to freak you out, but do you know if your husband and her had anything other than a friendship in the past? Is her marriage happy - do you know if she has some interest in your husband? How does your husband feel about Linda's behavior - is he as upset as you about it, or does he cute her slack?

 

It's a bit weird. I would want to dig deeper. Ask someone you can trust that knows both or one of them and who you think will be honest about what they have noticed in the past. Ask your husband's mom or the mother of Linda's husband (Max) about what they think or know of Linda.

[rosephase]

She might just not like you. It happens. If you feel like you or your husband relationship to her or her husband is important then I would ask her out to dinner and tell her point blank how her actions and attitude make you feel. Sometimes people don't know how nasty they are being until you directly address it with them. If her friendship doesn't matter just let it go and stop asking her to do things with you.

[LilyXX]

I never ask he to come over, the only reason we invite her because we want her husband around. I am so confident that there was nothing between my husband and her. She is just a very strange woman, I wanted to email her and ask what is her problem, but my husband talked me out of.

[unknown100]

Linda and your husband may have been friends before Max met her. Your husband may not want to talk history, so not to freak you out. I am not suggesting that is happening now between them, but there might be more in the past than meets the eye.

 

Otherwise, she is just immature and you should confront her (in a nice way) and get passed it, especially since she is the wife of your husband's bf.

[rosephase]

I never ask he to come over, the only reason we invite her because we want her husband around. I am so confident that there was nothing between my husband and her. She is just a very strange woman, I wanted to email her and ask what is her problem, but my husband talked me out of.

 

If you like her husband if you want HIM to be in your life then it might be worth it to write her that e-mail. When your not upset. When you can ask without blame. I would give it a shot personally. Because I know if I didn't I would probably end up being uncomfortable when she was around and I would see less of her husband because I would be avoiding her.

 

You are both adults. Talk about it. At least then you'll know.

[LilyXX]

Everyone we know knows about her attitude and they seem to think that she is jealose.

She tried to look really sexy at my wedding, but she ended up looking ridiculous.

 

I sort of feel sorry for her, if she is really jealose of me she is pretty stupid to show it.

[LilyXX]

They did invite us over once ofter she was mad the first time.

They called us at 6 to say that they are having a get together at their house at 8, on the same day. I was going to take my time and show up at 9, but my husband was eager to make get along with them said we should try to come earlier.

Then anytime we invite them both she does not show up, she always come up with "reasons" like she is tired, she has to be up early the next day. They never invited us since, and it has been a few months.

[LawlessOne]

That sounds kind of pathetic of her to be jealous of your marriage, isn't she already married? I wouldn't pay her too much mind. She miserable about something and misery loves company.

[LilyXX]

I agree, it is pathetic.

[LilyXX]

That is why I think there may be another reason.

[rosephase]

Everyone we know knows about her attitude and they seem to think that she is jealose.

She tried to look really sexy at my wedding, but she ended up looking ridiculous.

 

I sort of feel sorry for her, if she is really jealose of me she is pretty stupid to show it.

 

Look, you don't sound like you have a lot of room in your heart for her. You are literally making lists of ways she is annoying to you. If you just want the people here to say "yes you are right she is silly" then you have it.

 

If you actually care and want to fix something then talk to her. If you want to point out her flaws and call her stupid then go ahead. But don't pretend that you really want to know why she dislikes you. If anyone felt that way about me (and trust me she KNOWS on some level how you feel) then I wouldn't like them either.

 

So make a choice. Decide if she (and her husband) are worth keeping as friends and sit down and talk it out like adults. Or cut your losses.

[LilyXX]

I tried to be nice to her when she came over. I really was nice to her and I was willing to overlook whatever she said before. I did not really have a reason to dislike her. She was the one being rude to me.

[unknown100]

I never ask he to come over, the only reason we invite her because we want her husband around. I am so confident that there was nothing between my husband and her. She is just a very strange woman, I wanted to email her and ask what is her problem, but my husband talked me out of.

 

Why would he talk you out of it? If he is dismissive of her behavior, then I would probe more - not to him tough. You should talk to her face to face - set up a lunch or pedicure with her - do a girl girl thing. Or like I said, ask the mothers or other old friends in the circle...if you can do it in confidence.

 

People can be jealous and not rude. Its hard not to be rude and hurtful, unless it is coming from something that overcomes your control to be cordial. That something could be envy or resentment???

 

---

Here is where I am coming from -- there is always more to the story. I thought it was weird that my ex stayed FB friends with some girl (family acquaintance) I introduced him to after we broke up. (he deleted all other common folks but her) While it is completely unlikely they had an affair- they had some (probably innocent) exchange without my involvement...and I had also noticed he liked commenting on her posts. He clearly had a liking towards her. So i wasn't imagining things that it was odd that he choose to stay connected. There was something there, even if it was innocent.

[LilyXX]

I can't imagine going out and doing anything with this woman. I really don't feel comfortable with her, i still tried to be nice to her in social setting.

My husband talked me out of emailing her because he tried to sort things out with her a few month earlier and she just ended up being rude in insulting to him. He was pretty upset about it at the time. He does not want to me to waste any more energy on her.

[KG]

I would write a very flowery e-mail, asking how you two could patch things up. Make it ultra sappy, so that if she shows it to her husband, she'll look in the bad, you in the good.

After that, if she doesn't want to change, you tried. And let her go.