Is this a universal thing?

[blanche88]

I saw this in someone's thread:

 

I can hang out and get along fine with girls that for whatever reason I am not attracted to or only a little bit attracted to but when there is a girl that I am attracted to enough to want to ask out or date I get super nervous about talkng to her and thus I usually am just pretty quiet which doesn't get me anywhere with a girl I am attracted to.

 

I'm the same way (except with guys) - I feel really self-conscious around guys I'm attracted to, but I can relax/be myself if I'm not attracted to a guy. Is everyone like this, or just shy people? I ask because I have a few male friends I'm not attracted to... I wonder if I'd have more luck with other guys if I could just open up and be myself. It affects me in subtle ways as well, like if I see an attractive guy generally I won't make eye contact or smile like I would at anyone else.

[mca1975]

I think this is fairly universal yes... I would go into a panic if introduced to a nice looking guy that I was attracted to because I suddenly felt that I had to look my best and "impress", but now I'm older, I don't get like that so much as I accept myself as I am and don't feel that I need to impress, or if I do wish to impress, I am usually pretty confident in that.

[FathomFear]

I think the nervousness comes not from your own attraction but from the feeling that the person might be "evaluating" you. For example, I'm a gay man. I don't feel nervous or self-conscious at all around hot/attractive straight guys, but I do have those feelings around other gay men.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I only feel that way if I don't feel like they feel the same way about me.

 

If I feel like they are attracted to me (and I can almost always tell) and that they want a relationship, I have little to zero nervousness.

[blanche88]

If I feel like they are attracted to me (and I can almost always tell) and that they want a relationship, I have little to zero nervousness.

I'm the same, actually (so I'm probably not as self-conscious as my initial post suggests)... If I'm on a date with someone or am talking to someone who seems to be attracted to me, I can usually relax to some extent and be myself.

 

When I'm unsure how they feel or they're a stranger, I'm less outgoing/friendly towards them. eg if I were attracted to someone at a party, I wouldn't go up and talk to him and I'd probably avoid his gaze/not look over if I thought he was looking at me. Or if it was someone in class I wouldn't sit down next to him or make small talk, etc. So stupid!

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm the same, actually (so I'm probably not as self-conscious as my initial post suggests)... If I'm on a date with someone or am talking to someone who seems to be attracted to me, I can usually relax to some extent and be myself.

 

When I'm unsure how they feel or they're a stranger, I'm less outgoing/friendly towards them. eg if I were attracted to someone at a party, I wouldn't go up and talk to him and I'd probably avoid his gaze/not look over if I thought he was looking at me. Or if it was someone in class I wouldn't sit down next to him or make small talk, etc. So stupid!

 

Or if I felt like they only wanted sex...I get uncomfortable and confused about my feelings. That makes me nervous and hesitant. Only because I am constantly gauging how they feel and seeing if they want something more. They typically do not but it's hard for me to let go of things like that without having a little bit of hope in the back of my head.

[pinkelephant]

Ya, I think it happens to everyone to an extent.

[chelsea13]

I think this is fairly universal yes... I would go into a panic if introduced to a nice looking guy that I was attracted to because I suddenly felt that I had to look my best and "impress".

 

That's true, it happens to me from time to time. It's more like the evaluation that makes me nervous.