total mess..

[KT2009]

My life has been such a total disaster latley i am hoping for some advice or just some insight on my situation, i have nowhere else to turn and have never been so lost. I am a 23 year old mother of 1 and am currrently pregnant with baby #2. The father of my children and i recently split up due to him cheating on me multiple times with multiple women during our relationship. I had been together for several years and I stuck by him through all of his problems....including him being diagnosed bi-polar, his mother being in and out of rehab and jail, and dealing with his past issues that have came to haunt him since our daughter was born.

 

Despite our minor obstacles i was positive we were going to make it as a family and get married. Then the horrible day came when i found out about an affair he had with a co-worker. After that these women just seem to come out of the woodwork.....one right after the other. I was 5 months pregnant when all this came about. I was more than devasted, i don't even believe there is a word to describe how i felt. I have spent my days crying and holding back my anger ever since. Of course he has moved out, but we still have a daughter together. Ever since he has moved out its like he has gone from being a great father and provider for her to being just another deadbeat dad. If he comes to see her; it is only for maybe 30 min. at the most and then leaves. I do not allow him to take her because he lives with his mother who is a drug addict not to mention a nutcase. Its like he feels free now, and all he does is hang out with his friends and go out and tries to find girls to hook up with. ( i know this because we live in a very small town and everything gets back to me, unfortunately) He seems as if he has no remorse for leaving me in this situation.

 

I am now 7 months pregnant, taking care of our 18 month old daughter all by myself while being depressed. He is making no effort to continue his relationship with our daughter. I have tried talking to him about this, but it is always just one excuse after another, and he actually expects me to feel sorry for HIM! I guess my question is.....should i cut off all ties with him and spare my children the hurt he has caused me and will most likeley cause them? Or should i give him time for the sake of my girls having there father? I dont know what is best for them right now, my head is so jumbled and i feel my judgment is clouded by my hatred and resentment towards him.

[sidehop]

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, it's awful when a family is broken let alone the trust you two had is gone.

 

If he had the nerve to cheat on you do you honestly think he'll change? It doesn't sound like this guy is serious at all especially for a fact that you two have a second baby coming along and now he's acting as though he's completely free and single like you mentioned.

 

I feel you need to be realistic here, more than likely you'll be raising the children. If he's not going to give any support including financial you need to file for child support if you haven't. Setup visitation and try to get custody of your children. The father figure is very important so unless he's a danger to the children I wouldn't try to strip that away. If things can work out and he can change, great but right now I wouldn't count on him either.

 

You're doing the right thing about you not allowing him to take the children to his mother's, it doesn't sound safe or healthy at all for them.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry that you're going through this nightmare. At this time, I would cut off all contact with him, and not allow him around your daughter. Is he taking care of your daughter financially? If not, I would go through the courts in order to make him support his daughter, and unborn child.

 

There is nothing you can do to change his behaviour at this point, but you have to protect your children, and gain your sanity back.

 

Take care...

[mca1975]

I guess my question is.....should i cut off all ties with him and spare my children the hurt he has caused me and will most likeley cause them?

 

My god, what a horrible, immature, selfish man. In answer to your question, I would say yes, cut him out. You don't need him in your life hurting you all the time. I would want nothing more than to keep my children away from him because he will only hurt them in the future aswell. Thing is, the minute you say he cannot see the children, is the very time that he will complain about it, yet he cannot give up any of his time at the moment for them, its sickening.

 

I know its easy for me to say but if I were you, I would tell him to stay away, cut off all contact and get in touch with the CSA to make sure he pays for his children. I'm not sure how that works because I think "paying fathers" are entitled to see their children if they are on the birth certificate and have Parental Responsibility, but you could have a strict organised schedule set up for any contact.

 

Get strong for you and your children, you deserve better than this. I hope you have other family to turn to? Do you?

 

x

[mca1975]

I'm sorry that you're going through this nightmare. At this time, I would cut off all contact with him, and not allow him around your daughter. Is he taking care of your daughter financially? If not, I would go through the courts in order to make him support his daughter, and unborn child.

 

There is nothing you can do to change his behaviour at this point, but you have to protect your children, and gain your sanity back.

 

Take care...

 

Agreed. Eventually, you will be so much better off and happier without him and plus it will give you a chance to find new love again some day x

[KT2009]

yes i do have family close by, who have been more than understanding and willing to support me emotionally and finacially if needed, but my mother and grandmother's answer to everything is prayer. Which i believe that God will help me through but i think i need a little more help then just saying a prayer everyday.