I have never felt more lost in my whole life!

[Live-N-Learn]

I can hardly focus to even type right now. I feel so lost and scared right now. I don't even feel like I can muster up the strength to fix my life. Every area of my life is falling apart and I can't seem to find the strength any longer to even think about how to get back on track again. I have never felt like this my entire 48 years of life.

 

I have been on my own since I was 15 so I have always been a surviver but this is the first time I can not seem to find it in me to fight.

 

I have to find a way, I have to kids that are counting on me. I only have them every other weekend but I am really feeling a strong urge to just check out on life. It is just too hard right now. Too much to fix. This is just so overwhelming to me right now.

[Im Steph]

Hi,

I have definitely been having those same feelings. There are times when it feels completely overwhelming and like I will not be able to survive. I feel completely alone, abandoned, no motivation to find a new job and no confidence that I am capable of being a part of the world like normal ever again. So I understand how you feel.

 

Checking out on life is no answer. Do you have anyone you can talk to near you, or on the phone? I have been surprised that when I reach out, even to someone I have been out of touch with for years, they are there for me. Everyone here on ENA is there for you too, just write what you can and let it out. Seeing a therapist would be a good step too. I have my first appointment on Wed., I wish it could be sooner than that.

 

Keep talking about it, don't try to do it by yourself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Life is often one struggle after the next. I am sure in previous struggles you might also have had times where you felt like giving up and couldn't see a way out of the troubles. Perseverance wins the day. As they say "this too shall pass". As bleak as things seem now, it will get better over time. Just focus your mind on your kids and know that they are far better off keeping you in their life than if you chose to check out of life. Checking out of life does a lot of emotional damage to loved ones...don't do that to your kids.

[Live-N-Learn]

Thanks Steph,

 

Yeah, I will be setting up an appointment to see a therapist when I get back from Seattle. Since my divorce 2 years ago I have been lost. She remarried 30 days after our divorce was final. I was OK with her moving out but after 10 years of having a family where I put the kids to bed every night to being home alone was too much.

 

I started partying hard and hanging out with a much younger croud. Dated a 27 year old which ended officially 8 weeks ago. This all was a nice distraction but I guess now there is no more distractions and I sit here having to deal with everything inside of me. I think I have been avoiding it for a long time and now it is all coming out and scaring me.

 

I hope I can find the path to wholeness. It seems impossible right now. I have zero motivation. Maybe I am just afraid to face myself. I pray God gives me the strength to do it and not run and find another distraction.

[Live-N-Learn]

Just focus your mind on your kids and know that they are far better off keeping you in their life than if you chose to check out of life. Checking out of life does a lot of emotional damage to loved ones...don't do that to your kids.

 

I won't check out it just scared me that for the first time ever for a brief moment it really felt like something I wanted to do to stop all the pain and fear. I have really never even thought about it before no matter how hard life became.

[Im Steph]

Well, I spoke to my therapist on the phone briefly earlier. She asked if I felt "paralyzed." I think that is a good description. She also said that she can tell I am grieving and it seems impossible to think that these feelings could end, but they will. No matter how hard it is now, you know you're really facing it and not still pushing the feelings down.

 

I worry my ex hasn't really been facing his feelings, he's been busy with work and had some little fling just before he dumped me, maybe it's still going on even now. But there is no way it was anything meaningful, he even said "it makes you feel better only for a short while." He seems to be feeling a lot of uncertainty and even fear about what he wants from his life. I thought we had something special and we didn't have to go through this alone, I don't understand why he thought we had nothing worth saving.

 

Anyway, keep on going for your kids, and for yourself. I think we can make it somehow.

[Live-N-Learn]

Well' date=' I spoke to my therapist on the phone briefly earlier. She asked if I felt "paralyzed." I think that is a good description. She also said that she can tell I am grieving and it seems impossible to think that these feelings could end, but they will. No matter how hard it is now, you know you're really facing it and not still pushing the feelings down. [/quote']

 

I think paralyzed is a very good description of how I feel when I am alone with my thoughts. I try to stay busy, distracted or buzzed to avoid thinking about it all. This has been the hardest 2 years of my life. I guess it is time to try to face it and not look for another distraction. If not, I am doomed to be here again.

 

I am sorry you are grieving, I know how hard it is to be going through a Breakup and finding out what you thought you had with a person was not so special to them. We will find out way.

[DeenasRhino]

I know what you're going through. It's tough. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed in pain and she is the only thing I can think of. I try to do other things but there she is, in the back of my mind haunting me.