To cuddle or not to cuddle . . .

[SpottiOtti]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm hoping for feedback on the cuddle question. I'm posting this in Relationship Conflicts because I see it possibly going there with my relationship, although I hope I'm wrong. Last night when I got off work I went to my BF's house to watch TV and eat some dinner. When I first get home from work, I need a little time to decompress, you know? (Normal?) So I give him a hug and a kiss and a thanks for getting dinner, then we sit down to eat in front of telly. The eating in front of the telly is the decompression part. But while I was trying to eat, he was snuggling all over me, which really got on my nerves because I just wanted to relax, and I was starving. I didn't reciprocate, but he didn't get the point, and I finally had to ask him (nicely and humorously) if he could cut back the snuggle factor by about fifty percent. I had to say something; I felt smothered and annoyed. I could tell he was bothered.

 

Later on, I asked him if it upset him when I said that, and he told me that it made him worried that I'm losing interest in him. I reassured him that I wasn't, and explained about the decompression thing. But inside, I'm like "Whaaaattt???" I'm stunned that he would think that. I mean, I'm usually a very affectionate person with him, but I don't like to be all up in each other's faces every minute that we're together. Just because I don't feel like sucking face one night means I'm losing interest?? Am I overreacting here, or is this completely unreasonable?

 

Thoughts? How cuddly are you in your relationship? Have you had any conflicts about this, and how did you resolve them?

[sidehop]

Given the situation I could understand, maybe it's the way it was said without meaning for him to take it the wrong way. When I'm hungry (or when my wife is) I want to eat! Other than that the cuddling is good...

[Sonicxman]

Is this a new or old relationship?

[SpottiOtti]

Thanks for your replies. Sidehop, I was worried about it coming off the wrong way and hurting his feelings, because I'm still becoming comfortable with asking for space in relationships. Maybe I was too blunt or should have not made a joke out of it.

 

Sonic, this is pretty new still. We've been dating for about three and a half months. Everything else is great. I am normally affectionate and we have a great time together, laugh a lot, and seem to communicate well so far, which is why I felt comfortable asking him if I had hurt his feelings. I think maybe he is less comfortable bringing up concerns than I am, and I'm worried that he has other concerns he hasn't brought up which are leading him to believe that I would just abandon him when things are going so great.

[Notreadyet87]

I'm the same way. But I've been with my guy for 6 years. When I get off work I need time to myself. We don't live together or anything, but he in the past he used to always want me to come over as soon as I got off work and spend all this time with him--and I was tired and just wanted to relax a bit. He didn't understand.

My boyfriend is a very affectionate person. I'm not. When I'm stressed, tired, or just in the "mode"--I don't really want to be touched nor do I initate any physical contact. He thinks that's wrong. His feelings get hurt easily and he feels like I don't love him just because I don't want to be all over him every single time we see each other.

It makes me feel smothered.

[SpottiOtti]

You and I sound a lot alike, Notready! Feeling smothered is NOT a feeling that I want to encounter in my relationship. After six years, still an issue for you guys, huh? I hope you can work it out someday.

 

I find that if I'm dating an independent person who's not very affectionate, I crave the affection. But give me a sweet cuddly guy who shows me how he feels all the time, and it's too much! Do you find this to be true? I wish there was a way to tell him, "I'll want it more if you don't overdose me with it!"

[sidehop]

It's the push-pull effect IMO. I'm more physical than my wife. BUT...if I'm busy or just have a lot going during the day, don't call her or even hug her when I come home she lets me know.

 

As far as his reaction goes it sounds a bit paranoid and insecure but you know him more than we do...I wouldn't worry too much though.