Ex who broke up with me due to trust issues sent me this email... what do you think?

[mylovemyway]

My ex of one year and I broke up around a month ago. Here's little back story: We broke up mainly due to trust issues on his part. We both really liked each other but he couldn't trust me due to some things that happened before we were exclusive, his neurotic paranoid/anxious personality, and my lack of patience/understanding and immaturity.

 

When we first starting hanging out, the ex fell for me fast and pursued me really hard but I wasn't really interested, so I was still talking to/texting other guys at the same time. One day he came to see me at work and I went off with another guy. That really hurt him because he was already "in love" with me at that point as he claimed, and it seems like he never fully forgave me. After that incident, he still continued to pursue me eventually...I fell for him and we became exclusive. So it seems like he went into the relationship always having doubts about me, and hanging on to some resentment.

 

Also, the ex clearly has some deeply rooted trust issues which have nothing to do with me. He's 26 and had only one relationship prior to me, between the ages of 18-20, and he claims his first girlfriend cheated on him repeatedly. I was the first girl he dated in 5 years and he came into the relationship being mistrusting and very protective of his heart.

 

While we were together, we literally spent almost 24/7 together, but he'd get paranoid and looked for signs that I've cheated in the rare occasions that I was apart. For example, I usually go to work with him every day, and there's been times when I did not, because I had to run errands. A couple of those times, I told him at the last minute that I will not be going into work with him. He felt that was really shady, because it was as though I "waited until he is locked into work" (as he phrases it) to go on a "secret mission." In the days where he thought I acted shady, they were days in which a guy whom I had a fling with (who is from out of town) is in town. He has a hard time believing that I did not cheat on him.

 

I didn't do the best job of reassuring him that he was the only one for me. I never told him I loved him, and I'd always get furious at him when he accused me of cheating instead of being more patient and understanding of his trust issues.

 

I also would talk to other guys in front him, though to me not in a flirtateous manner at all, but my ex would get jealous. I loved him, so I feel like I should have put in the effort to be more considerate of his feelings and insecurities. My mentality was that I KNOW I'm faithful to him. I go home with him every night and he will never find me cheating, so I often didn't worry about how my behavior can come accross to him.

 

A month ago, the ex broke up with me because he couldn't accept all the incidents where he felt like I'd cheated. We talked about getting back together for the first couple of weeks... but there was a lot of uncertainty on his part because he didn't know if he could trust me. Then one day, I got really angry because I felt like he was stringing me along so I impulsively sent him a text telling him he's a d-bag who doesn't respect me and to never speak to me again. A few hours later, I apologized. I called, texted, left voicemails, but he ignored me for days until I saw him at work one day. Ever since that text, he basically made up his mind that we are breaking up for good. We are on LC/NC now.

 

I sent the ex an email expressing my love for him and desire to be with him again someday. He called me a few days later and told me the email was really touching and he appreciates it but he knows we can't be together and we both need to move on and grow as people. He told me I need to remember all the problems we had in the relationship and move on. Then last night he sent me this email...

 

 

"A,

 

I just wanted to say a few things because I feel like our conversation earlier might have seemed a bit harsh and I don't want to leave things that way. I really appreciate the letter you wrote me and it means a lot to me. You have repeatedly expressed that you don't understand my ending things if I still have feelings for you. I do still have very strong feelings for you, and separating has been very hard on me as well. However I know that the current state of things between us was very bad in some pretty major ways, and not likely to improve. Dating you and having you as my girlfriend/companion was literally my dream come true. There has literally never been anyone with such a combination of what I look for in a woman. After a series of occurrences the relationship turned into a nightmare of uncertainty and suspicion for me. I can definitely say that stronger feelings simply lead to more doubt and pain under these circumstances. I have done what I believe needed to be done for the both of us. I hope someday you will understand. As to the future who can really say? I do know that if there is ever hope for us in the future, it lies in both of us moving on and growing emotionally now. I sincerely hope you have a fulfilling, happy life.

 

Regretfully,

M"

 

 

It is clear to me that we will not reunite in the immediate future. Does it seem like we will have a chance down the road though? I feel like if he really loved me he wouldn't have let me go. Do people let someone they love go, thinking that if it's meant to be they will be reunited in the future? Right now I am trying to move on. I know I can't wait around expecting that he will come around, because it may takes year or never. I really loved this man. He was the first person i've ever loved and felt such a strong connection with. Sometimes I feel like we are meant to be together. But right now I have no choice but to move on, but in the back of my mind I still hang on to the shred of hope that one day we will reunite. I hope that is not too unhealthy.

[pumpkinmoon]

It really depends if he is being honest in his email. If he is, then it's clear he doesn't want a relationship with you right now, but he wouldn't be completely closed to the idea in the future. As hard as it is, I think you should take his advice and try to move on as best you can. It's hard, but it is possible.