help big problems with bf

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

I'm having big problems now, My bf of 6 months said he started feeling bored of me, and feel like we have nothing in common, and doesnt wanna spend time iwth me until those feelings go away. Is this just a phase? I remember not too long before I felt like I was bored of him and needed a vacation, I felt like I couldn't stand him anymore and I wanted out.

But a few weeks later the feeling went away.

How do I help make this feeling go away for him? Is it just a phase? Is this normal in relationships? I'm just so upset, ive been crying for the past 2 days non stop, the thought that a few weeks will pass and he still feels this way the realtionship will be over says him. Basically we r giving i t a few weeks. Don't know what to do. I love him so much, never felt this way about anyone. But then if It passed for me, wont it pass for him?

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

Btw we talked on the phone yesterday, I told him it went away for me by just seeing each other regulary and sooner or later it goes away (for me it took 3 weeks) But I don't think if i havent saw him again i wouldnt realize how much i loved him still. So he said he;'ll try my method, we will see each other regulary starting today, and pertend nothing has gone wrong. It hurts me so much, I feel like I'm going to go crazy, being with him today pertending he still feels the same. but then again, we havent seen each other for a week (p.s this started on sat for him) Do u th ink theres a chance I can open his heart again and make him realise? Do u think seing each other regularly and pertending nothing happened is going to help him? I feel like my life doesn't make sense anymore. He also told me maybe i should go out with other guys because he wasn't ready, but then when i called hgim and asked him why he said that He said it was becuase im always upset about something, and he just wants whats best for me, but i told hi m i just want him, so yeah we negociated this.

Is this going to help him at least?

And is this just a phase he's going threw? I mean will it go as fast as it came?

[curly183]

Hi. I'm really sorry that your boyfriend is feeling that way. I know it is hard to have those feelings as well as being on the receiving end of those feelings. When I was in a long-distance relationship I used to have serious anxiety about whether my boyfriend was "the one." What I had to realize (through therapy) was that I knew how my heart felt when I was with him, but my head was just thinking too much. However, my boyfriend recently started feeling this way and he broke up with me. I tried talking him out of it by explaining that I had also felt that way and that it would pass if his heart was with me. Sometimes people look for another way out. Evidently my boyfriend loves me but he doesn't want to be with me anymore after 2 years. Don't try and keep someone there who is already giving you signs that he wants out. It may go away for a little while, but I promise you, it will come back. As for you and your feelings, I can tell you that since our break-up last week, I have been seriously wondering if he IS the one for me, even after all that thinking before! I think sometimes our minds try to give us signals that help us make better decisions. I know I love my ex, but I'm starting to understand that he very well could not be the one for me. Just give it time. Don't try to push visits, because as I am learning--you will rely on those visits and phone calls. Just let him go. Hopefully he will realize that he wants you back. If not, he doesn't deserve you. This is something I am still trying to understand myself, but it really is true as I have heard from all the people who have answered my posts. Be strong and don't chase him, it will make you look needy. Let him go about his business and you should do the same. Be strong. Let me know if you need to talk.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

What you are experiencing is not uncommon. It happens to lots of married couples who have been together for a long time.

 

Basically, there is too much comfort, security and passion dies out.

 

I can imagine how you feel. When you are young like you probably are, these feelings can feel truly weird. What's happening? How to solve that?

 

Waking up the passion and keeping it alive is a skill. Sometimes, it simply happens naturally. Other times, you have to break through some form of invisible wall and reconnect with the thrill and excitement.

 

Spending too much time together can trigger boredom. Lack of challenge or lack of anything new can create this feeling of cristallization where life simply stops flowing.

 

What to do? Challenge your relationship. Challenge each other. Simply go beyond the limits of what you already know. What you want to connect with is called renewal power. It's a refreshing force in you. An instinct which feels like opening the windows in your life.

 

How do you connect with renewal power? You set new goals, new challenges. You respond to opportunities. Anything which goes beyond your present limits would work.

 

True, the "freezing" force you feel right now will go away. You will break through, but you need to discover new skills.

 

He is right, seeing new faces will really help. It brings new inspiration.

 

Work on it. Stay focused on breaking through.

 

What's the opposite of boredom? Passion, thrill, challenge, excitement.

 

If you are simply used of sitting back and getting those on a golden plate, it's time to shift your strategy. Passion for life is something you can actively create and stimulate. It's a life skill. It is one you can wake up. Now might be the right time!

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

 

PS: Check this article. It's spot on that topic

 

link removed

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

hey vital coach, that was very interesting. Please add me on msn email removed.

or yahoo

email removed

Talking to you may just save the relationship

as for the rest of u any ideas /advice?

[00Spartan00]

Okay, not sure if this will help you to feel better, but it will alow you to see things from another guys perspective. Same thing happened with me, me and my girlfriend were going out and i went through a phase that i wasn't felling for her the way i did at first. The love thing never enterned in the picture, but she had strong feelings for me, stronger than i had for her. This can spook a guy and put him off. So maybe he feels or felt just as strong for you as you do, mabey not. In any case, I broke up with my girlfriend because it wasn't there anymore... BUT, if there is something there still, seeing eachother really should help it. Talking on the phone all of the time, or not talking at all KILLS the relationship. So like i said, if there is something there, seeing eachother should open it back up. The best part of having a girlfriend is having her with you *in moderation of course* not just talking about nothing on the phone or whatever.

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

How long have both of you been together? I think if he loved me to start off with, love doesn't just die that easily. The love is probably still there, but like the other dude said theres probably an invisable wall blocking it for him, And I guess I have to figuire out how to open the door.

Anyone have any suggestions?

[curly183]

I will agree that it could just be a case of boredom, but at the same time--what happens 6 months later when he gets bored again and they run out of things to do? Every relationship has ebbs and flows and if he's ready to walk off this soon, he sounds too selfish to keep around.

[00Spartan00]

Me and my girl were together for 3 months, I'm not saying you all have nothing, I'm just agreeing that seeing eachother more should help things if there is anything left to be helped. That sounded really good in my head, try to make sense of it.

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

well today he saw me and told me he isnt bored of me anymore when i asked. and we made out the whole day and held hands.

Is he jsut doing this to not make me upset?

is he stil lbored but doesnt wanna tell me till 3 weeks later?

Confused!

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

Hello help me people