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Why is healing this hard? It's been 6 months and I'm feeling the pain all over again...

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It's been 6 months since my ex officially walked out on the relationship and moved accross the country. 6 months prior to that, she broke up with me but we remained in contact and started dating again until we decided to get back together in December 2009. Shortly after that, something occurred and she officially ended it and moved to Hawaii. I won't go into the details of why it ended because it doesn't even matter at this point.


About 1 month and a half ago, she called me and left a drunken message telling me how she just feels broken and confused and misses me so much and will never love anyone like she loved me and that she is so upset about the way things ended. I responded with a message telling her that messages like that weren't a good idea and that we needed to heal.


I felt like during these past 6 months I started to heal and go in the right direction. I felt like seeing other people might be a good idea. I had a crush on this woman for a while, so about 2 weeks ago I asked her out and she said yes. She has kind of been flaky ever since and I called her this past weekend and left a message asking her to do something this weekend. I haven't heard back from her and so naturally, I felt rejected.


This feeling of rejection has brought back all these feelings about my ex. All of a sudden, when I thought I was getting over her, I miss her so much again. I feel like I'll never find what I had with her with anyone else. I feel so lost and confused again. I feel broken. I feel like I no longer want to live. I just feel like an idiot for thinking I was getting better. I realize I wasn't really healing at all, I was becoming infatuated with another person and it took my mind off of my ex. Now that I feel rejected by this other person, I feel like I'm back to square one. I feel just as hurt as I did 6 months ago.


I ended up calling my ex and speaking to her last night. I pretty much told her what she told me in that sob message she left me a month and a half ago. She got upset and said that she was better now and that we both needed to move on. She then dropped the bomb that she was seeing someone else, which made me feel even worse. I've been crying non-stop, I feel pathetic, worthless, and I feel like it will never get better. I feel like I don't want to live anymore and that for some reason, happiness will never find me. I just don't know what to do anymore besides vent on here and hope someone will have some decent advice for me, because I just feel like there is no end in sight for this pain.

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You need to pull yourself together sooner than later so that you don't fall too deep into sadness again. What kinds of things have you been doing to keep your ex off your mind? Go back to what you have been doing for the past 6 months.

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apparently he said what he's been doing is using the wrong methods so I don't think going back to that pattern is going to help him much. I wouldn't even go out on any dates if I were you until you are able to go out on a date and accept that not every one you go out with is going to end in a relationship or the girl liking you. Also don't contact your ex again. Let her be...

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I don't know what to do. I just feel like I'll never find that kind of love again. That I'll never be that comfortable or close to someone ever again. I've hung out with other girls in the past 6 months, but I have to stop doing it because I constantly compare them to my ex and realize that they aren't her and it never feels right.

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You are feeling the pain all over again because you opened yourself up to it. You felt rejected by the new woman and tried to lean on your ex to overcome the rejection and were rejected again. That's a lot of rejection for anyone to handle.


First, rejection is a part of life. It will happen and you can survive it. It does not make you pathetic. It means you took a chance and it didn't work out the way you wanted, that's all it means. Hopefully, next time you will face the rejection without looking to your ex to fill that hole. She made you happy once, but she's not your go-to girl anymore.


Second, the pain does go away. It just takes time. Happiness is not something that finds you, it is something you achieve. Stop thinking that your ex is the only thing that can make you happy. Find something else that makes you happy and go for it.


Having suffered from depression, I understand the depths of sadness. One trick I learned is that exercise releases endorphins in the brain that help decrease the sadness, so get out and do something physical. I force myself to ride my bike when I am at my lowest.

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Yeah, I go to the gym a couple days a week, it helps, but its only temporary. There are plenty of things going on in my life. I just moved into a house with two friends so I'm not as lonely as when I lived alone, and I just got into graduate school and I start in August, but still, my mind keeps going back to her and I am always thinking about her and its just so painful. We would have been married almost a year if we never broke up. It's just so sad to think about. Everywhere I go, I'm constantly reminded of us. I just can't believe there is someone out there who I can feel as connected to. She was my best friend. Nothing makes sense anymore.

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