Winning her back...or am I? Any ideas?? (long story)

[CalvinHobbes1607306432]

Okay, so two years ago, I left my high school sweetheart of six years(Call her Julie) for this girl, who really fits me perfectly (Lauren). However I took no time off between them and carried a LOT of baggage from the previous relationship. Besides the guilt of leaving Julie for another girl, I realized that our relationship had been emotionally abusive on both sides. Lauren was very patient and was my support through the process of healing, moving on, and dealing with most of my issues. Lauren and I then moved to the city, but lived separately with her working and me attending grad school.

Well, this year had been going pretty well, and things were looking great. We had even been talking of getting engaged, or at least moving in together. But Lauren was really unhappy in the city and came home one day frustrated and said she'd had enough, and that she was moving closer to home, which would put her a good 6 hours or so from me for the next several years. Well, I admit I freaked out and we had a big fight about it, with me feeling like she was walking out on me, and her feeling like I wouldn't support her. In the end, I said something I regretted saying (very cruel), and she broke it off saying that we'd take time apart since I never had any time off after Julie. But she refused to make any promises that "other options" (other people) woudn't be kept open.

I said okay, and have been seeing a councellor to make sure that I am set straight, but I realize that Lauren is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and that no matter where she goes or what she does, I want to be near by, and in her life. I've told her that whatever it takes I want to support her and be there for her but she's just asked for space. For the most part, I've been giving her that space, but I've managed to do little things like occasionally leave a small bag of groceries on her doorstep during times when I know she's busy.

Recently, she called me to tell me her plans to move at the end of July, and I was very supportive to her, and we ended up talking for half an hour. Two days later, I was lonely so I asked if I could drop by to see her and we talked for two hours, until one in the morning. The problem is that I can't tell if she's just being polite or not. While she treats me as an old friend, there is no "I miss you" or "I'm still in love with you" showing at all. I try to be calm and casual, but I know it shows how much I am still in love with her. Am I on the right track? Or is she just being nice to me until she skips town? I know her own high school sweetheart has been prominant in her thoughts, but she said she didn't know how she felt about him.

[kamurj]

My Story:

 

My High Scool sweetheart & I were together for 3 years. She went to University & moved out on her on while I was still living at home & finishing my credits. We broke up (ok, she dumped me)

 

I remember longing for her, dropping things off on her door, trying to follow her home from work... basically one step away from a stalker!

 

She later moved in with someone else, and I concentrated on College. A few years later we happened to meet at a party. A couple months later we bumped into each other again. Soon we were talking on the phone, and meeting for coffee. Eventually she left her boyfriend, and we went away for a weekend. The next thing you know...

 

We're now happily married. My advice is, if it's right, it can happen. Don't force it.

[kamurj]

I agree with the guy above. I just recently broke up (ok got dumped) and was devasted because we both just graduated from grad school and it appeared (at least to me) that we were going to make the next step.

 

For the most part I respected her decision and did not attempt to contact her. However, after two weeks I broke down and wrote her a long letter explaining how I felt (we never had a chance to complete our break up because I was a wreck and asked her to leave). So, in one sense it was good to get everything off my chest. But, on the other hand it may have displayed desperation, vulnerability and neededness - the key ingredients to not winning her back. She wasnt exactly jumping back into my arms. I got the friend treatment as well, which admittedly sucks.

 

So, my advice - and I am trying to use it as well - is to accept that she is over you. period. try picturing her acting as your old friend the last time you dropped by. you should feel angry inside. Its good. Its a sign that you are accepting it which is how you heal. It will get easier - read this again in three weeks and see if you havent inched a few steps further in your recovery. Are you eating again?

 

Now, once you have moved on in your mind and are accepting the breakup - then f she does come back you'll be of more sound mind and spirit to discuss a reconciliation. In my previous relationships, the ones that were rushed back by one party or the other, did not solve the underlying problem and we ended up breaking up sjortly thereafter. The relationships were there was substantial time - say 3 months or more apart where we were both dating new people worked better when we reconciled. I can't explain why but only say just GO WITH THE FLOW, and dont force it. Forcing it will force her away for good. How can she miss you if you are always around. Create a sense of mystery about what you are doing - and dont contact her friends or ask about her as well. You most likely will not like what you hear. And if she comes back great, but in the meantime enjoy the time for yourself and who knows someone better may come along for you. GO RENT THE MOVIE SWINGERS TONIGHT to see what I mean. I know Hollywood is Hollywood but at least you'll feel a little better for two hours...

 

Best of luck either way, because I know how it feels to have a candle up on the mantle. In the long run just know you'll be very happy and find love. It just isnt that obvious to you right now... -B

[Cnstnt Evolutn]

if you want to support her do as she asked and give her space... She'll respect you for that and in the end, although i cant guarantee, i think all will turn out well, whether you get back together or not.

 

If not, she will still think if you fondly as you respected her decision and really did support her by listening to what she said and fulfilling her request.

[SighSob]

if you want to support her do as she asked and give her space... She'll respect you for that and in the end, although i cant guarantee, i think all will turn out well, whether you get back together or not.

 

If not, she will still think if you fondly as you respected her decision and really did support her by listening to what she said and fulfilling her request.

 

7 years later? I hope he's over her by now