Okay, so two years ago, I left my high school sweetheart of six years(Call her Julie) for this girl, who really fits me perfectly (Lauren). However I took no time off between them and carried a LOT of baggage from the previous relationship. Besides the guilt of leaving Julie for another girl, I realized that our relationship had been emotionally abusive on both sides. Lauren was very patient and was my support through the process of healing, moving on, and dealing with most of my issues. Lauren and I then moved to the city, but lived separately with her working and me attending grad school.
Well, this year had been going pretty well, and things were looking great. We had even been talking of getting engaged, or at least moving in together. But Lauren was really unhappy in the city and came home one day frustrated and said she'd had enough, and that she was moving closer to home, which would put her a good 6 hours or so from me for the next several years. Well, I admit I freaked out and we had a big fight about it, with me feeling like she was walking out on me, and her feeling like I wouldn't support her. In the end, I said something I regretted saying (very cruel), and she broke it off saying that we'd take time apart since I never had any time off after Julie. But she refused to make any promises that "other options" (other people) woudn't be kept open.
I said okay, and have been seeing a councellor to make sure that I am set straight, but I realize that Lauren is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and that no matter where she goes or what she does, I want to be near by, and in her life. I've told her that whatever it takes I want to support her and be there for her but she's just asked for space. For the most part, I've been giving her that space, but I've managed to do little things like occasionally leave a small bag of groceries on her doorstep during times when I know she's busy.
Recently, she called me to tell me her plans to move at the end of July, and I was very supportive to her, and we ended up talking for half an hour. Two days later, I was lonely so I asked if I could drop by to see her and we talked for two hours, until one in the morning. The problem is that I can't tell if she's just being polite or not. While she treats me as an old friend, there is no "I miss you" or "I'm still in love with you" showing at all. I try to be calm and casual, but I know it shows how much I am still in love with her. Am I on the right track? Or is she just being nice to me until she skips town? I know her own high school sweetheart has been prominant in her thoughts, but she said she didn't know how she felt about him.
