Acceptance

[mercurial100]

Hi Everyone! I feel like I have spent my life starting new threads this weekend!

 

Anyway, for some reason I feel like I've been torn into a million pieces this weekend.

 

I am at 22 days of NC but my feelings are back to where I was in the days following the shock of the sudden break-up.

 

I have read elsewhere about the stages of heartbreak an one of those stages is "Acceptance" and I'd like to know whether my current feelings are of me starting to accept the situation or whether it's because it's the weekend etc etc..

 

The past three weeks have been very difficult. I'm stubbon so won't contact her and every day brings low parts but I have had some positive moments too when the future hasn't seemed so daunting - in all I would say I am doing well.

 

However, all of a sudden, the dreams of the ex are back. The anxiety is back, panic keeps setting in and I find myself wishing I had my life of just over a month ago back.

 

I keep giving people on here advice - I know she wasn't the girl I thought she was, I know she wasn't perfect because she didn't love me etc etc but it's all got SO difficult.

 

Do you think it could be because I am starting to accept it and starting to move on? The dreams I have started to have about her are of us arguing and being broken-up, before we would be together and happy.

 

Does a brighter outlook and happier person come with acceptance, or can acceptance make you feel you have gone backwards when, infact, you are actually moving forwards?

 

I spent 4 years trying to get this girl before having two incredible years with her. She broke my heart 4 years ago and I went NC for ten months however deep down I knew I would get her. I dated other girls but I could never settle because none of them were "her". Infact one girl I dated (who also knew I had tried to get the said ex) said to me that there was no point in continuing as my heart was set on this one girl. She was right, we had a great time, but it's back to square one

[loulou37]

i'm feeling the same, i was doing so well up to saturday, then yesterday bam!! it's all come back, the horrible anxiety, the missing him, thinking about him and the things we did together..

 

i thought i was coming out on the other side, it's just not so, i feel just like at the beginning.

[mikeyx22]

where are these stages everyone keeps talking about? lol

[anu1560]

1. Denial – The "No, not me" stage.

 

This stage is filled with disbelief and denial. If your partner has asked for a break-up you think that she will change her mind.

 

2.Anger/Resentment – The "Why me?" stage.

 

Anger at the situation, your partner and others are common. You are angry with the other person for causing the situation and for causing you pain. You may feel anger at your partner for asking for a divorce and breaking up the family.

 

3. Bargaining – The "If I do this, you'll do that" stage.

 

You try to negotiate to change the situation. You might approach your partner who is asking for the break-up and say "If you'll stay I'll change".

 

4. Depression- The "It's really happened" stage.

 

You realize the situation isn't going to change. The break-up happened and there is nothing to bring the other person back. Acknowledgement of the situation often bring depression. This could be a quiet, withdrawn time as you soak in the situation.

 

5. Acceptance – The "This is what happened" stage.

 

Though you haven't forgotten what happened you are able to begin to move forward.

[anu1560]

I have read elsewhere about the stages of heartbreak an one of those stages is "Acceptance" and I'd like to know whether my current feelings are of me starting to accept the situation or whether it's because it's the weekend etc etc..

 

 

Do you think it could be because I am starting to accept it and starting to move on? The dreams I have started to have about her are of us arguing and being broken-up, before we would be together and happy.

 

Does a brighter outlook and happier person come with acceptance, or can acceptance make you feel you have gone backwards when, infact, you are actually moving forwards?

 

I think it will still take you some time to accept the situation still. I kept dreaming about my ex long after I have accepted that we broke up. And they were sometimes good one's but mostly they were nasty. But 22 days into NC and a 2 year relationship, is too soon to be on the acceptance stage. I am in same situation as you are. actually started NC 22 days back and broke it yesterday and regretting now. Be strong. There still will be some rough patches ahead. Just be strong.

 

I was in denial phase till yesterday. Today I don't know.

[anu1560]

I think i still in denial and I don't want to be. How do I let go?

[artistic1]

Ugh! I feel for you man. It is so hard and some days are gonna be better then others. The worst is when you dream about the ex, just messes my head all up!

 

I think you have to allow yourself more time to heal. It's going to take time and expect a roller coaster of emotions. I wish there was a quick fix for us all but there's not. If you want, try searching for mrsoandso2009 and superdave71. They are both very insightful and inspiring. Stay strong, NC is the only way to go for you..