please, please help me.

[bart]

I ended things with my long distance boyfriend of 1 year, a month ago. The distance was hard, we were fighting a lot the last 2 months, and I figured it was best to end it.

 

We haven't spoken since, as I decided no contact is best for me to heal, he did contact me once but I never responded.

 

3 weeks!!! after we broke up, he got a new girlfriend. I feel really sick about this. It's like I'm right back at square one. He told me his ex-girl before me took him 2 years to get over!!! How is this even possible? Is she a rebound girl? How did he find a girl so fast, and make her his gf in 3 weeks?!! Is he dating her to get over me?!

 

I was doing surprisingly well, until I found this out. Now I find myself thinking, "wait, are we soul mates? should i contact/e-mail him? did i make a huge mistake and let go of 'the one'?" I keep feeling the urge to e-mail him, just to talk to him, to see if he still cares, to see if we'll ever have a future.

 

I came so close e-mailing him, but I think my stubborness won. I didn't want to contact him, because I haven't for 4 weeks, & wanted to stick to it. I KNOW I'll look desperate if I do, because he has a new gf, and I'm the one that broke it off anyway. I really think the break-up was the right choice. But, I think because I'm extremely lonely, & so hurt that he got over me so quickly..I'm second guessing myself.

 

So, what do you think? I keep replaying the good times we had together, & thinking about how we really did click so well, and it was honestly the best relationship I'd ever had, before it went sour. We did fight, but we just clicked, like 2 ppl that were meant to be. I think of how he told me he loved me, and wanted my kids, and wanted to marry me. But then I think of the bad times too, I even wrote a list of cons to keep myself on the track of moving on. And it hurts, and I feel like e-mailing him and spilling my guts out. But wouldn't that be a mistake? I just feel really, really alone and so hurt at how he's moved on. The main reason I ended it was because the love just felt like it was dying? On both sides, and I assume it definitely was for him..because he got a new gf.

 

 

Lately, my main worry is that if I do want to be friends with him down the line that I'll have no way to contact him. (I know this is stupid to worry about right now..when I should be trying to get over him, but I really do worry about it.) I worry he'll block me on messenger (i haven't seen him online in days, so this actually freaks me out), or email, or anything and I'll never get to talk to him again. And I think that's why I contemplate e-mailing him now.

 

 

So, I'm just wondering..should I contact him? Or should I just never contact him..ever again? I feel stupid for wanting to know if he misses me, or if we'll ever get back together..but I do want to know. I really just need some opinions. It's been a month, and I'm feeling so alone, and so depressed. Please, any help. Btw, I'm 19, and he's 22.

[morinphen]

I'm in the same boat as you, my ex-gf starting sleeping with another guy 3 weeks after we broke up. It makes you feel insignificant and worthless because we always talked about getting married, having kids, being soulmates, then they move on immediately leaving us broken. I dont think you should call him, you'll just be giving him more power and you don't want to have to hear about his new gf. I'm sure he still thinks about you, but I think you should contact him at a later time when you're not so distraught and thinking clearly.

[bart]

thank you. i forgot to add that the last time we ever spoke he was extremely cruel, and i just ended up hanging up on him. i never really got any closure, and i think that is also contributing to why i'm feeling this way.

[DN]

I think that when people dump someone they have to deal with the consequences of their decision. It is a great shame that those consequences only really became apparent when he found someone else but that is not necessarily a reflection on your relationship with him - and the fact it took a lot longer the last time is just a question of circumstance. It took longer to find you than it did for him to find his new girlfriend but that doesn't mean your relationship was not important to him.

 

The point is that he does have a new girlfriend and you should only really try to get back with him if you hear that they break up. In the meantime assume your relationship with him is over and do your best to move on. The closure you seek will come from within you and the decision you made to break up with him.

[bart]

he was withdrawing from the relationship, the love was clearly fading if i really admit it. i ended it because i knew he never would. he was unhappy.

 

him getting a new girlfriend didn't make the consequences of my decision apparent, haha the consequences have always been apparent to me since i never really wanted it to end.

 

i really thought about my situation after i posted this. i definitely don't want to be in a relationship with him again. i don't think it would work out, maybe if we lived near each other, then sure, but we don't, so it would've continued how it was going and neither of us was enjoying it.

 

for some reason, i can't get over wanting to be friends. i think it's because i'm feeling really lonely, and hurt that he's moved on, and because the final time we spoke nothing was ended really. there was no closure. so i do feel like e-mailing him..but honestly, idk what i would say. i keep thinking about how we said we'd be friends, and ohh i should probably go talk to him now. but then i think about it, and if i e-mailed him, he wouldn't care. he has a new girl, so even if he wanted to be friends, his response would probably be something that would hurt me more, like "oh, we can't be friends".

 

idk, i just seriously need to move on. it's hard, i definitely hit ups and lows each and every day, but i know i can get through it.

[rigguy]

So you break this guy's heart (dump him), he tries to contact you, you reject him. Now you are hurting that your ex is trying to move on, it is not always about your feelings honey. Sorry for being blunt. Move on.