could this mean he's gay...

[stormie]

maybe i'm being silly, but one of my girlfriends has a guy-friend, and I think he's gay.

 

For one thing, he's almost 40 and is not seeing any women, nor has he seen any within the last several

 

He then lives in a place where all women look like they're models (it's kind of a beach environment) and the women all are desperate for men as there are many more women than there are men. So there are plenty of girls available.

 

On top of that, he goes out and buys a new home, and lives in it by himself. He says he doesn't date cause he's paranoid that he'll lose his house. (not sure what that means).

 

But the real kicker is this: My friend went to his house and he had a few gay males over (amongst other people).

 

What do you think??

[DN]

On top of that, he goes out and buys a new home, and lives in it by himself. He says he doesn't date cause he's paranoid that he'll lose his house. (not sure what that means).

Probably means he doesn't want to lose it in a divorce.

[FathomFear]

What do you think??

 

It's possible. Why are you so curious to find out one way or the other?

[fuddiduddy]

It means that he's gay. (At least I think so). Based on what you describe, he acts and thinks the way no straight man should.

 

But that being said, why are you so curious? If your friend and that guy are just platonic pals with no romantic interest--and if he really is gay--there doesnt seem to be anything wrong. Unless, of course, you suspect your friend might be developing a romantic interest in him.....Is that the case?

 

Have you asked your friend what she thinks? Have you asked him if he's gay? Would you?

[stormie]

It means that he's gay. (At least I think so). Based on what you describe, he acts and thinks the way no straight man should.

 

But that being said, why are you so curious? If your friend and that guy are just platonic pals with no romantic interest--and if he really is gay--there doesnt seem to be anything wrong. Unless, of course, you suspect your friend might be developing a romantic interest in him.....Is that the case?

 

Have you asked your friend what she thinks? Have you asked him if he's gay? Would you?

 

 

Well, I ask cause she's always talking about him. I think she may like him, (cause she talks about him A LOT) but always denies it when I ask her. Yesterday, she told me that when he finishes paying off his new home, that she wants to plan an overseas trip with him. She told him so, but didn't tell me what his response was.

 

So I made a casual comment, I said, "oh, if he doesn't move in with a partner... girl or boy". She quickly snapped, "oh he's not that way, he's paranoid about losing his home so he doens't want a relationship". (She ignored the "boy" part of my comment)

 

That struck me as rather odd, as men usually buy homes to start a family, but then again, I could be wrong.

 

Anyway, he's like one of the only single guys around her, so I thought it would be nice, but due to the fact that he doesn't date, (despite the fact that there are tons of beautiful women and the competition is stiff considering the fact there are hardly any single men) this is what I suspect.

[fuddiduddy]

Well, I think he is gay. You might upset your friend if you try too hard to convince her. Just jokingly mention it ONE more time and then leave it alone. When the truth finally comes out, she'll no doubt remember that you 'warned' her (albeit in a roundabout way).

 

But, again, I'm with you. (I have known and lived around tons and tons of gay guys for years.....soooo, yep, I'm 99.99998% sure he's gay).

[Go Habs Go]

Going by the information given, I'm pretty sure he's gay. Even if he is, his sexuality is none of your business nor anyone else's.

[stormie]

Well, I think he is gay. You might upset your friend if you try too hard to convince her. Just jokingly mention it ONE more time and then leave it alone. When the truth finally comes out, she'll no doubt remember that you 'warned' her (albeit in a roundabout way).

 

But, again, I'm with you. (I have known and lived around tons and tons of gay guys for years.....soooo, yep, I'm 99.99998% sure he's gay).

 

I'm just curious - what convinces you most that he's gay? The fact he lives alone in a big house at 40? Is that abnormal? I know he doesn't want to "lose" the house, but I think it's stupid reasoning - I mean, he can move in with a girl, not get married and not have to worry about divorce procedures as far as I'm concerned. So the fact he twisted things also lead me to suspect.

[FathomFear]

I think his reasoning is kind of silly. Lots of people with houses get in relationships and not have their home stolen.

 

Either way, it's your friend's problem. She's free to pursue him, and he's free to turn her down--for whatever reason he has.

[fuddiduddy]

What convinces me most that he's gay?

 

All of it. Ordinarily, one or MAYBE two of those things you mention may not be enough to suspect, but all five??? But what sticks out most for me is 1) living in house with all those pretty women and he hasn't snagged at least one (ASSUMING he hasn't--maybe he has and you and your friend just don't know it? Nah. I doubt it). 2) Claiming he "doesn't date" because he's afraid of losing the house? >>> Ridiculous. Doesn't even make sense. 3) Him having gay male company, which, in itself wouldn't mean anything, but with everything else you've described...c'mon now.

 

I'm 40. I cannot think of one straight male in my age group who lives his life under those conditions. I mean, do I know guys who have bought houses while single? Of course! But, in every case, they're typically divorced (or recently single) AND they've they wasted no time acquiring some live-in girlfriend if not multiple female dates constantly coming in and out of his bachelor pad. And any straight guy living amongst a bunch of girls who look like models would be in sheer heaven. In fact, it's likely most of those women would be in constant cat fights over him (unless he's butt-ugly and smelly or something). None of this sounds like straight male behavior.

 

Now, not to sound rude, but the above poster is really quite right...It really isn't anyone's business. Your having concerns about your friend becoming smitten over a potential gay guy is reasonable since no one wants to see their friend risk heartbreak by dating a person who is so unavailable. But outside of that, it's his personal business and no one else's.

 

I'm just saying, protect your friend's heart to a REASONABLE degree; just don't go involving yourself too deep or you might end up pissing her off.

[stormie]

Thanks for such a helpful response. I'm not a guy, so I don't know how they think for the most part, but yeah - I've always suspected that if a man is single and living alone, well, he'd have his home full of girls. This however, is not the case with this guy.

 

Now as for my friend - it's like she's in denial. Point in case, she told me that girls don't like him cause "he walks with a limp".

 

I'm sorry, but to me, that's not a good enough answer. A guy can walk with a limp and still attract girls.

[feklhr]

Honostly, I gotta go against the other posters on this thread. I am not saying that he isn't gay, I am just saying there isn't enough information to say he is. Was he in a long term relationship prior to the several years you say he has been single? Some people will go a long time after a ltr before they get back into another one, and some may choose never to have another one depending on how old they are. My grandmother for example, the last time she dated was in her early 50's. She is 81 now. All I am saying is that I don't see enough info here to really say he is, but also none saying he isn't.

[Normand]

First of all, when a 40-something man, gay or straight, buys a home in a "beach area," he's not looking to start a family. I worked in real estate for several years and have seen too many of them, so trust me on this.

 

Second, since you didn't mention having installed your own surveillance cameras in his home and workplace, I assume you don't know this man's every move. So how, if I may ask, can you say with 100% certainty he's not seeing someone?

 

Last word: it's time you let your friend run her own life.