trying not to be needy

[frustrated09]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7/8 months. For the majority of that time, we have been together and things were great. We are not only a great couple but we are great friends as well.

For about a month now he has been in Iraq and I feel like I have turned into the needy girlfriend. We talk every day on the phone or on skype but it never seems like it is enough. I want to talk to him all the time. I know it is starting to bother him by the tone in his voice at times. I was never like this when we were physically next to each other. I have had bad experiences before with men cheating on me and I know that part of my being needy right now is that I'm afraid of losing him.

I have done my best to stay busy so I dont call all the time but since I dont have a job right now, there seems to be more time in the day then I know what to do with.

I really care about him and I dont want to ruin this relationship by being overbearing and pushing him away. I just cant seem to break this.. the more I miss him the worse it gets..........

[Binoo]

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. Been with my boyfriend for about 8 months as well. He just left the other day for a 3.5 week long vacation. If I don't hear from him at least once or twice a day I'm going to freak. I have the same insecurities as well about infedelity not to mention I worry he'll get hurt or something bad will happen to him being in a foreign country all by himself.

I'm not really working either. I only get about 2-10 hours a week of work so I'm often home all day by myself. The only thing that's been helping is trying to set up get togethers with friends. But last night and tonight I'm on my own and I just want my boyfriend here so badly. I miss him.

I'm sorry I can't offer you much advice but you're not alone in this.

[sidehop]

Perhaps writing him letters and doing things for him outside Skype/talking to him directly may help ease your emotions? I'm sure it's very difficult considering the stress that goes along knowing the fact that he's in a combat zone.

 

Have you sent him any care packages? You can always send letters and things that you've done to fill that void while he's away.

 

What things are you doing to keep yourself busy? Are you balancing the time between yourself, family and friends?

[botticelli]

I, too, am in the same boat as you

BF left for a mandatory week-long trip and I feel so crazy and lonely without him. But I think we need to trust our men.. imagine if we were in their place, I'm sure we wouldn't want them to be doubtful of our fidelity.

 

I really don't think you have anything to worry about Let your BF have a breather, maybe if you let him be the one to call you (as in, don't call him first!) he will be more attentive and caring when you talk next. You don't want to make him feel smothered or on-the-spot

 

Just keep in mind that if he could choose, he would probably choose to be with you! and for now try to stay busy (maybe work out or plan something nice to surprise your bf for when he returns) and entertain yourself with other things!

[Tilter]

I have unlimited texts and pics from my phone. I send lil notes/pics to his email through out the day to let him know I'm thinking about him. Not aaall the time, of course but every once in a while. Short and simple since his internet in Afghanistan is awful.

 

What keeps me from worrying about him not talking to me when he can, is that he has a work load and should be socializing with his co-workers. I'm not his whole world.

 

Hobbies, socializing, taking walks. Things that will make talking about my day more interesting when we talk.

[Binoo]

I, too, am in the same boat as you

BF left for a mandatory week-long trip and I feel so crazy and lonely without him. But I think we need to trust our men.. imagine if we were in their place, I'm sure we wouldn't want them to be doubtful of our fidelity.

 

 

This is true. And infact, I left the country to go travelling for a month by myself and I never strayed. I was even sleeping in a hostel and was often the only girl in the room and I never did anything bad. I guess I would be upset too if my boyfriend thought I might screw around on him. I think there's just a lot of stigma attached to SOs going away on vacations etc. alone. In the end if he's going to cheat it'll be in his nature to do so and whether he's in the local area or outside it is not going to make a difference, right?

[botticelli]

In the end if he's going to cheat it'll be in his nature to do so and whether he's in the local area or outside it is not going to make a difference, right?

 

Yes, I completely agree!

[frustrated09]

i try to send him a care package a week, just little goodies that i know he cant get there and when i can i'll try to bake him and his team cookies or brownies. I always include a little card with a little note saying miss you, etc.

that seems to help alot at the moment and of course it is wonderful when he tells me he has gotten the package as he waits to open them with me on skype with him.

 

As for keeping myself busy while I am trying to find a job i have taken up photography and he has motivated me to start running in a couple of 10K and 5K charity races so i have something to direct my attention to.

 

i know i shouldn;t worry to much about him, I have been deployed as well so his job is no mystery to me which i think helps the both of us because I'm not in the dark about what he does and he has someone outside of work he can vent to who understands what he is going through.

 

i guess i am just finding it difficult because all the i miss you's and I love's you over the phone are great, but they dont replace a touch or a kiss.

 

I am so use to spending so much time with him that when he is not around my mind just starts to race. I have no reason to think he would cheat and he doesnt give off any of those signs that he has or is even thinking about it.

 

Just trying to take it a day at a time and not get so worried or worked up over it ...somedays that is easy, other days, not so much

[sidehop]

I'm sure it's more of missing him and trying to fill the void than anything.

 

Have you looked into networking with other individuals who are in similar situation?