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Having a hard time understanding.

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How someone that would have done anything for you before can go so stone cold on you...Yeah I wasn't the best to her at all times but she knew I deeply loved her. The thing I have a hard time understanding is...I know this girl is a very nice girl and would never hurt a fly or anybody's feelings. But when it comes to me...she can walk all over them and it feels like she doesn't care one bit about how I feel. Is this due to how I treated her maybe? She feels empowerment for once and feels in control of everything? I've been trying so hard to understand why she still feels the urge to call me sometimes and be so nice to me on the phone but other times not be. It seems like when she calls me on her time...she'll be nice. But if i try to talk to her on my time...she hasn't the time of day for me...Does she even realize she is being like this to me do you think? If she ever ever hurt my feelings even a bit before...I could always count on her an hour later to call and be like I'm so sorry. My guess is she is using all the rough times i put her through as power to do as she likes with me. I just don't have a clue why she still talks to me... And the sucky part about it is...I have so much guilt for how I acted that every time she talks to me instead of ignoring her like I should I feel the biggest urge to just be the nicest person ever to her for how i was. I can't get over this mental block that I owe her all my kindness....I get times where I'm like okay I'm sick of this! she's too mean! but then....I settle down and get back to my nice self...and bleh.

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I wish I could give you an explanation, but I'm in a similar position. Except for I was pretty good to her, so I'm even more confused. BUT, the good news is we don't need an explanaton - don't look for one, it won't help you. Think of all the reasons she might have done it yourself and use them to improve yourself so you'll be the best dang guy you can be with the next love.


I have plenty of fits of "I need her!!!"... but then I realize how little I do. We don't need each other. That's not to say I don't despirately want her, but I definitely don't need her and I prove it every hour I go without her more and more to myself. For instance - I'm dealing with this breakup without her, and it's arguably one of the most emotionally taxing things that's happened to me in recent memory. No need, thanks for the great years together, maybe we'll meet again someday under better circumstances.

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I hate to say this, but I feel like I'm that girl. I was in a bad relationship. He never could find time to talk to or be with me unless he wanted. So when I ended it we stayed "friends" and I would only talk to him when it was convienent for me (things got really bad between us since then and now we're practically enemies anyway. The reason why I did it? I wanted him to know that he couldn't talk to me when he wanted...things were now on my terms. I wanted him to know just a little bit how I felt. I wanted him to understand what I went through.

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Your breakup is still fresh.


I know what you're going through and I can completely relate.


These are the things I've done, and I think you may want to try:

-Take some time off to cool off...and let her contact you. See how you feel during NC

-If you feel like there are things you need to say to her, ask to meet up. Say "I would love to meet up with you and talk. I would really appreciate it". If she decides to meet up with you, tell her any regrets you may have and tell her how sorry you really are. Don't overdo it. When I met up with my ex, we had an open communication, and it was sweet.

(Alot of people advised me to just let it go, and not contact him anymore but I felt like I really needed to get certain things off my chest.I went with my gut feeling. BEST DECISION I EVER MADE)

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Yeah i feel like i have to get a lot of things off my chest in person too but i gotta wait til' she asks me or wait to see if this concert is happening. Thing is, the only time she calls me is at 1:30 or 4:00 in the morning. I kind of feel used since that's the only time she calls me.

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