i am alone

[andi8172]

well im out for a couple of hours, yep i tried to end it all and failed again still wish i was dead but maybe with help that could change.nobody noticed i wasnt around its only coz someone wanted something they found out i was in hospital so no surprise there but ive got a couple of hours b4 i have to go back and im kind of looking forward to it im sleeping really well..so ill go now and ill be back on when i can

[andi8172]

im out for good now im not going back i dont need people being nasty i can do that for myself stuff your pills and therapy just accept i dont want to be here third time lucky maybe,i tried i really wanted to carry on for a while but still life kicks me while im down those people in hospital dont deserve to be ill they want to carry on yet i dont im sorry for them ill give up my life for them their nice people who probably look at me and think why would he want to end his life im not going to argue the fact but why would i want to live in this world where decent people suffer and vile people prosper this is not a nice world,no one can say you make your own luck,well i did and it was all bad so wheres lifes justice and dont say it'll get better coz i dont want it too because when your up someone will always bring you downi belong at the bottom and i thought i was a nice person i dont do crime i help people/im a gentleman i hol doors open etc all the small things that decent people do and still people treat me like scum](*,)

[doityourself]

Andi Im sorry you feel down, Not going to give any advice today cause I feel exactly where your coming from.

 

Just remember these thoughts come and go, but suicide is final.

[Sonicxman]

Andi, Nice people helping others out, good on you. The world needs more people like you and I'm glad your in it. I have people wiping their feet on me all the time, but I dont let that affect me. Dont take in that negative, it's not worth your time. Those people that your talking about, bringing you down, because "Misery loves company". For those people that prosper while others dont, they will get theirs, Karma is a Bi***!

[andi8172]

thanks all ive tried talking to others but its all questions for which i have no answers,i dont want to be here,i dont want to do this.icame i saw ileft and nobody noticed.................thanks for being here i tried

[Sonicxman]

Andi, sorry to hear that your still feeling down. You need to keep posting it here, or even write it down if you don’t have a computer. Don’t feel bad and don’t let the thoughts that your bothering enotalone with your problems. Let us look at for what it really is, you come searching for answers, you came to right place because there is always someone here waiting, ready to listen. Additional bonus: you might be helping someone else that has these exact same thoughts.

1. Your depression: I think you have become resentful and angry at the world and now you have turned it in on yourself IMO.

2. Negative thinking: These negative thoughts will leave you but you have to stay positive. Would you like to see the world in a different way, try this, next time you go out, smile, not grin, smile. Keep doing it until you get one back. If someone asks how your doing say "outstanding" if they ask how’s your meal "great" how is your day going "the best one yet". I know this is hard but bare with me. Here's a real life example of that, in my office I have this female, she is always smiling, saying good morning or afternoon every time I see her. I started to notice that I enjoyed seeing her every morning, that was my little bit of sunshine everyday, which started my day off right. Well come to find out, I'm not the only one that was feeling like that, all the single guys at work are after her and the other females are friends with her. I don’t know one person that doesn’t like this girl. She always has something positive to say. I guess what I am saying is being positive, can do alot more for than you might think. I know it's hard to get into this mentality when your depressed, but doesnt hurt to try. Take care and keep posting buddy.

[doityourself]

Andi,

 

Im sorry your feeling down. There are days where I hate this world, hate the people in it. Maybe you need a new senery. I was thinking the other day when was my happiest time. Well it was when my H was in the Navy, we moved every 3-4 years. I think it was a positive thing for me to meet differant people and not get caught up in just one group. I will say I left some thinking thank god Im leaving here, these people are drama crazy.

 

Maybe a new neighborhood would do you good. Is that a posiblity? What do you do in your free time?

[andi8172]

Andi,

 

Im sorry your feeling down. There are days where I hate this world, hate the people in it. Maybe you need a new senery. I was thinking the other day when was my happiest time. Well it was when my H was in the Navy, we moved every 3-4 years. I think it was a positive thing for me to meet differant people and not get caught up in just one group. I will say I left some thinking thank god Im leaving here, these people are drama crazy.

 

Maybe a new neighborhood would do you good. Is that a posiblity? What do you do in your free time?

 

im glad youve had some happy times as a person you deserve them but i just dont remember any wherther im so down im blanking them out i dont know and i meet different people everyday and share their stories it part of my job which needs me to live in this town if i were to move i couldnt afford anything better than now and thats bad enough free time i just sit and suffer hating why i feel so low join a group maybe but whats the point all people do is gossip about others its like im two people when im talking to people i can be nice and helpful when they leave i look around thinking maybe this is the place to end it all my self harming seems to be out of control ive moved from burning to a bluntish knife now ibroke a razor just so i could use the blade i have been talking to people and i know theyre trying to help but its all just questions about the past which i either dont remember or dont want too where did it all go wrong?

[doityourself]

Its hard to remember the good times when nothing but the bad is suffocating you. I wish I could give you more advice, as I feel that your hurting bad. I dont know much about self harming but I can understand why you thing it makes you feel better. What advice do the docs give you for that?

 

I also agree about people gossiping and all but not everyone is like that, they just need to grow up. Never understood how you can be nice to someones face and then talk about them behind thier backs. I think thats theyre problem and you know the saying what goes around comes around.

 

Happy memories--yea I can count on my hand the happy memories that I have. But Im tryng to create some new ones. I could def sit here and list all day and night nightmares that Ive been through. I dont let them come back in, leave them in the past, you will never be able to live for the future if your still living in the past.

 

You can not let the past decide how you will live today. Most times we have no control over our childhood and other parts of our lives so why should we get all down about it? This is always the question that haunts me. How unfair is that?

[andi8172]

i was feeling better today but then someone close made a couple of snide comments and im thinking if i do die thatll teach you,some people just dont get it,words are a powerful weapon!

[doityourself]

People are so rude these days. No respect, its like they cant be bothered with being nice.

 

Dont let people decide your day, take what they say and let it in, then back out without a care of what they think. They dont live your life, pay your bills, hang out with you so who cares what they think.

 

Oh yea, I would say it in my head another way but Ive already been warned for using bad language.

[andi8172]

Oh yea, I would say it in my head another way but Ive already been warned for using bad language.

dont worry i know which word you mean LOL thanks

[andi8172]

thank you one and all ive been feeling good for 5 days now and i owe you loads hope this lasts!

[andi8172]

ah there we go back to normal its 400am here just tried to start work and the work computers have crashed im back where this all started ill be behind on everything now everything i touch is beginning to break it was so good while it lasted,i think my life is a roundabout and im stuck on it trying not to get down though its gonna be easier said than done

[andi8172]

im just gonna fade away now im so sorry..............................................

[doityourself]

Andi-

 

Come back on so we can talk, has your day gotten any better?

[andi8172]

there is no point infeeling this bad i have to die im so sorry i love you all

[andi8172]

i was wrong theres no point to this life just when you think yuou can trust someone trhey let you down im back on the drin k back on the pills with no pointbno hjopeb if therew is ag ode please take me imsorryn

[doityourself]

Andi- Please come back on, Im having issues with my computer, but I got your message, please dont do anything

 

Go to the hospital NOW

[doityourself]

I know your reading this, please dont leave

[andi8172]

i have to end this crap im so sorry dont hate me

[doityourself]

No your not, I need you to.

 

whats going on, what happened?

[doityourself]

Please call 911 andi-or give me your number and ill call you so we can talk!!!!!!!!!

[doityourself]

andi-my heart is crying for you

 

GET YOUR BUTT BACK ON HERE AND TALK TO ME, PLEASE I CARE ABOUT YOU, WE MAY NOT KNOW EACHOTHER GOOD BUT I WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT WE ARE FRIENDS. PLEASE I NEED MY FRIENDS. YOU HAVE HELPED ME SO MUCH THESE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS. YOU STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE.

 

WE CAN TALK THROUGH WHATEVER IS GOING ON, YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS.

[doityourself]

Does anyone know where andi lives?