loulou37 Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 hi all, what i wanted to know is..is it possible for the dumper to get back in contact after it ended on a bad note? has anyone had this happen to them? the last text i had from my ex was that..he didnt want nothing to do with me!! ive been NC for a week now, but to tell the truth, id like him to 1 day contact me, as the message has really upset me... its left me feeling crap....it makes the break up worse when someone says something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ascending Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I'll say this out of speculation and partially due to pessimism but if they do contact you, it's usually just to use you or to get something back and the discussion of feelings won't arise, it's straight to business. But this is just my pessimism due to how it ended with my ex. If it makes you feel any better, I can tell you the many people on here have had their dumpers contact them even after they said they never will, and generally speaking, it's the males who break the NC from what I see anyhow. I was curious on this too, so I did a huge search for topics relating to this. Don't count on it though, just saying it does happen, for some... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 to tell the truth,id just like a sorry from him....it didnt have to end like that....i think it was just cruel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ascending Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 It's possible, definitely. I've read similar stories. But then again, that depends on how stubborn he is. If my ex were to contact me though, it better not be because she's sorry, it better be cause she owes me money. I want my money back, and my life back, which I'll have to get on my own, my ex won't help me with that if I rely on what actions she'll take, whether that's to contact me again or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ding Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Yes it happens. Dumpers are people too with feelings, we're not robots. I chose to end a 2 year relationship in January, I cut off contact, then I had a close family death in February and I couldn't deal with any of it and contacted the ex because I was so upset and wanted to speak to him, and we spoke and it was kind of him to be there. But after that I realised I completely wasnt over him and needed to start NC again, so I pretty much blanked him from my life and ignored all contact and I am not proud of doing that, as it must have really hurt him to be at the receiving end of it. This week he wrote me an upsetting, sarcastic, passive aggressive email congratulating me for completely cutting him out of my life and that he thinks i'm a coward/run from my feelings/doesn't hold our memories in esteem anymore/if he sees me he will ignore me/he is no longer here for me/he feels used/i'm ignorant and gutless and that he hopes I have a nice life. well. That was not a nice thing to receive. To some extent I deserved it for cutting off all contact and ignoring his attempts to contact. And I fully accept that I'm not the best at communicating my feelings, and that must have been a frustrating person to live with for 2 years. So i contacted him via hand written letter taking the opportunity to apologise for how I handled the break up, to tell him that he had a right to be angry and I'm sorry I hurt him, to thank him for the times we had, to take responsibilty for my actions amongst a few other things. I contacted him as much for myself as for him. All of this has been eating away at me for months and I just needed to get it out. I don't hate him, I think about him all the time and its not out of spite that I've stayed out of contact. I hope that he was able to take the letter in the spirit it was intended, accept my apology even though I can't go back and alter my actions/choices and be able to move on in his life and get past this angry and hurt stage he seems to be in at the moment. I feel terrible that what was essentially a pleasant relationship that was between two people who had been friends for 5 years has ended on such bitter ground. I feel horrible about the entire thing. Not everyone who dumps someone walks away unscathed. Its sometimes worse for them I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I feel horrible about the entire thing. Not everyone who dumps someone walks away unscathed. Its sometimes worse for them I think. I have said this many times on eNA ... that dumpers don't set out initially to hurt someone. There are two sides to every story and sometimes feelings simply change through no-ones fault and the only fair thing to do is to end the relationship. Sometimes dumpers don't know how to handle the situation any more than the dumpees and can make some bad decisions and choices that can cause more pain and harm than good. OP I think you need to try and not let the last communication you had with your ex upset you too much. Sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment or ,as the dumper, he may have had to put up a wall around himself to stop him from feeling any guilt or maybe even backtracking. Ding, I think you post was very helpful. I think it really helps to see things from the other side and to know that things aren't always as clear cut as one assumes. No-one can write someone off who was once special to them without so much as a second thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 thanx jellybaby...if i could just get them words out of my head id be fine.....im also racked with guilt, he split with me because i had facebook, and my contacts were mostly guys, he said he sees it as cheating. hed also been in my facebook and email....and he didnt like what he found there...which was all innocent, i had a lot of old email fform way back...when we wernt together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 thanx jellybaby...if i could just get them words out of my head id be fine.....im also racked with guilt, he split with me because i had facebook, and my contacts were mostly guys, he said he sees it as cheating. hed also been in my facebook and email....and he didnt like what he found there...which was all innocent, i had a lot of old email fform way back...when we wernt together There is nothing to feel guilty about by having a Facebook account and neither should you feel guilty about the friends you have on there or any emails if all are innocent. He sounds like he has jealousy issues and I assume that is why he said what he said to you. Believe me, if what he said was born out of jealous anger then he will be regretting it. Take some comfort in the fact that he is probably stewing over hs words because he hasn't heard from you. When did you guys break up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 officially 6 weeks ago, it was when i was out in spain with him, he lives there, i was sposed to go for a week but cause of the volvanic ash i was stuck another week, he finished it half hour after i arrived, due to the facebook thing, saying he couldnt trust me, hee told me to come back on a prebooked flight i had for may, i said ok, he said as friends, but i spoke to him on msn weds nite, he was ok, then i done the stupid thing the next nite and called him, we were ok then we fell out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 my cred run out, tried to call him back then..he wouldnt answer..done the old text terrorism thing..ups...he text said he dint want someone like me in his life.....becuase of someting i had done, he said i was irresponsible, nxt day i text him why i did it, cus my head wernt rite after we split up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 i booked a panis flight for last saturday, txt him told him...he said dont come, i dont want nothing to do with you now.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 Let me get this right ... you travelled all the way to Spain to see him and he dumped you half an hour after you got there? Did I read that right? Wow, he sounds like a real piece of work and someone who you are better off without. A relationship with him sounds like it would be hardwork. No-one should play with someone's emotions in the way he does. You deserve so much better than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 we had spoke on the fone previously, and text on the day b4 i left, he was angry bout facebook but he had said wed stay together, when i got there, we fell out, when he asked me about adding some guy in his pants!! i couldnt even remember what he was on about, so obviously i looked like a liar in his eyes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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