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Can I still get her back?

Brigade

By Brigade
in Getting Back Together

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Brigade Newbie

Brigade

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I just signed up to this site. I really need some advice. My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for about 8 months now. We were together for over 7 years and I was the one who broke things off. I broke up with with her because there was something I had been asking of her for long time that she wasn't giving me. For about 7 of the 8 months that we have been apart I knew that my ex still loved me and wanted to be with me and we still communicated on a pretty regular basis whether it be through texts, emails, or phone calls.

 

Well from one week to the next she changed completely. She doesn't answer my texts or calls anymore and all she tells me is that she doesn't want to talk to me or have anything to do with me. My sister talked to my ex and my ex's reason for ignoring me like this is that her friends convinced her that she needs to let me go completely because if she sticks around long enough to see me meet somebody else, she's going to hurt even more. But I don't want to meet anybody else. I had been wanting to tell her that I wanted her back when I found out that she doesn't want to talk to me. She says she's not seeing anybody else because she doesn't want to and because she's not ready, but I'm not so sure. I've sent her text messages and voice mails telling her that I love her and miss her and want her back but all she tells me is that she's moved on, that she doesn't want to talk to me, and to leave her alone.

 

She also tells me that she just simply forgot about me. I refuse to believe that she just forgot about me since were together for so long and just a couple of months ago she still loved me. The couple of times that I've talked to her since she started acting like this she says that I'm bugging her and that it's over and she's said it with anger. I've stopped texting or calling her for five days now because I don't want to push her away. Do you think that I still have a chance to get her back or is it over for good? During the time that we've been apart, I've realized that she's the one for me and I feel so sad and depressed because she won't even talk to me now. I don't know what to do. Any advice you I can get will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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Brigade Newbie

Brigade

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It hasn't changed. This is the deal, she's married. And has been married this whole time. When I met her she told me that was unhappy in her marriage. I would ask her to get a divorce and she would tell me that she was going to but never did. I was getting tired of waiting, but I loved her so I would stay with her. Then one day, she goes behind my back and looks at myspace profile and gets mad because I had female "friends" on there. I didn't know any of those girls personally, there were just friends on there. We had a big fight over it and that pushed me over the edge and I broke things off.

For a couple of months I was fine, but these last few months I have been missing her but just hadn't told her anything. I feel like maybe I wasn't persistent enough with her in getting her to get a divorce. During our relationship together, she always showed me love, affection, and was always there for me. The only major problem I had was the she wasn't doing anything about her marriage.

We've only seen each other twice since the break up, once for her sister's wedding and the other time for a friend's baby shower.

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Brigade Newbie

Brigade

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By the way, she got mad over the profile because she thought I was talking to those girls, but I promise I wasn't. I promised her too, but she wouldn't believe me. And that made me mad because here I am being patient over her being married and she couldn't even trust me.

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hypatia Newbie

hypatia

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She might have reached her limit. You broke up with her, and you knew she wanted to be with you and still loved you for 8 mths. She maintained contact with you probably in hopes that there would be some movement on your part during all those months, and was increasingly feeling disappointed when you'd talk or spend time together and it wasn't leading to anything. Her cutting off communication might have been a sudden decision that after 8 mths you still don't want to be with her, and being in touch just kept her in the same place emotionally 8 mths later.

 

It's good you told her that you made a mistake and want her back. She might be suspicious that you only want her now that you can't have her. I don't know if it's too late (sometimes it is), but you know her best. Would she want you to continue to pursue and fight for her to prove your sincerity that you've had a complete change of heart and are ready to commit to her?

 

I guarantee she hasn't forgotten about you after so long together.

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Brigade Newbie

Brigade

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yeah she's still married. I just think that maybe I didn't push her enough to get a divorce. She was always good to me, but just wouldn't do anything about her situation at home. Is it possible that she didn't feel secure enough in OUR relationship that made her not get a divorce? You know, for fear of being alone if I dumped her after she got a divorce.

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Brigade Newbie

Brigade

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o.0 uhhhhhhh she's married and didn't get a divorce and you were together for seven years and yet she didn't do anything to end the marriage.

 

 

is she still married?

 

But anyway i'm sure she hasn't forgot about you

 

but i think you should let this go man and heal

 

Part of me tells me to move on but it's hard because I still love her and because were together so long. I just wonder if it true that she's just trying to move on completely and that's why she's cutting off all communication with me. I just want her back and i want to tell her that I'll help her get a divorce because I know that she's still unhappy in her marriage.

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Animelover6764 Enthusiast

Animelover6764

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yeah she's still married. I just think that maybe I didn't push her enough to get a divorce. She was always good to me, but just wouldn't do anything about her situation at home. Is it possible that she didn't feel secure enough in OUR relationship that made her not get a divorce? You know, for fear of being alone if I dumped her after she got a divorce.

 

Then that's why man she still married

 

I wish i can help you out man

 

is she still in contact with her husband? he is estranged?

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hypatia Newbie

hypatia

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Waiting 7 years for someone to get a divorce is being extremely patient. And for some reason she found that she needed and wanted the security of her marriage in addition to her affair with you and wasn't willing to let it go. She was getting the best of two worlds and you were only getting part of her.

 

You unquestionably did the right thing in breaking it off. I think being married is a dealbreaker. You deserve to have a woman who is completely available to you.

 

Stand your ground.

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Animelover6764 Enthusiast

Animelover6764

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Part of me tells me to move on but it's hard because I still love her and because were together so long. I just wonder if it true that she's just trying to move on completely and that's why she's cutting off all communication with me. I just want her back and i want to tell her that I'll help her get a divorce because I know that she's still unhappy in her marriage.

 

Maybe her husband found out?

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Brigade Newbie

Brigade

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Maybe her husband found out?

 

I'm sure he's known for a long time that something is going on. She would go out with me during the weekend and not get home till after 1 in the morning. And he never stopped her. I don't think he is dumb enough to not suspect something was going on with her.

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Tired Tiger Enthusiast

Tired Tiger

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my ex's reason for ignoring me like this is that her friends convinced her that she needs to let me go completely because if she sticks around long enough to see me meet somebody else, she's going to hurt even more.

 

This is advice given to someone who refuses to leave her husband? Uh. No irony there.

 

Honestly, if there ever were to be another viable opportunity for a relationship here, it won't be until after she's divorced and gone through the aftermath process. Otherwise, you're knowingly walking into dysfunction.

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Animelover6764 Enthusiast

Animelover6764

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I'm sure he's known for a long time that something is going on. She would go out with me during the weekend and not get home till after 1 in the morning. And he never stopped her. I don't think he is dumb enough to not suspect something was going on with her.

 

Maybe he is that dumb

 

Seven years and he don't crap either he was also having a affair or they have a open marriage or he's that dumb

 

 

this it is a very weird situation man no offense

 

just try to heal

 

and forget her just let her go

 

it sounds like she used you man i'm sorry

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Brigade Newbie

Brigade

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Maybe he is that dumb

 

Seven years and he don't crap either he was also having a affair or they have a open marriage or he's that dumb

 

 

this it is a very weird situation man no offense[/quote

 

Yeah tell me about it. A long time ago he got two separate anonymous calls telling him that she was having an affair with me, but she always denied it. IMO, those were two perfectly good times to tell him the truth and finally end the marriage. I got mad over her not taking the opportunity but I still stayed with her.

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