Not doing so good

[Convict7]

So it has been a week since the breakup. I am not doing so good. I feel like that hope I had that we might still work it out and it could be fixed, I feel like it is dying today. I still want her back and would welcome her back with open arms, but my hope is dying. I feel so down right now. The last few days I have been ok and not crying. But now I feel like laying down and crying and never getting up. Without that hope of working it out and being back together I feel so lost.

 

I cant call her or text or email. She blocked me from messenger. She would just tell me that its over for good anyway. She has probably moved on and is happier now. I dont need to bring her down. I can just be miserable alone. without my favorite person in the world or my best friend. Im feeling very alone and stupid tonight. I feel like this is the worst night since the breakup. Im hurting but I dont want to make her hurt too. Im just not so sure I can handle this right now.

[savignon]

The good news is ...if this is the worst night, tomorrow won't be the worst. Meaning, you hit a low and then it gets better from there. Tomorrow you'll wake up having lived through the worst part of the pain and then you can begin to move on and heal.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

[Convict7]

Ive done two weeks without her, minus one night of a trail date in the middle. These have been a terrible two weeks. Everytime I hit a low I think its the worst, then I get better for a day or two, then an even worse low comes. I always kind of held onto that string of hope that she would rethink everything and come back to try again. Now I dont think she will come back and I will be without that kind of love for the rest of my life. I dont want something else with someone else. I want what I had before with her, and I can never have that again. So whats the point of having any hope? I can never ever have what I want most in the world. There are other pretty girls but I have no feelings at all for them. I fell in love with her and when I devoted myself to her I meant it and I cant just fall for someone else. I love her unconditionally and I dont care if thats not healthy. Its not like shes coming back and going to take advantage of my love. its complete love for someone who doesnt even care about me anymore. who has probably moved on and forgotten about us and is happier now. so shes better off without me and I am a miserable wreck without her. thats a fair life.

[misssmithviii]

You have to get out of the house, go hang out with some friends, remind yourself you were living and breathing just fine before her and you are physically and mentally capable of living and breathing after her.

 

I'm sorry this hurts, we've all been there and it's possible to get out of this feeling. It takes determination, optimism, courage, self-esteem, confidence and the perseverance to regain what you've lost from this breakup - which is obviously your independence. She is not the world. She's not meant for you, and you will meet someone else.

[savignon]

It feels that way now and I'm sorry you're hurting. Most of us have been there and had that exact feeling of not wanting anything else with anyone else ...I totally understand and remember that heart-wrenching feeling. The truth is that your life is meant to be good as well. It will not be that she is happy and you are miserable for the rest of your lives. You will both be happy and perhaps without each other and for sure it might take you longer to reach that point if she's really already moved on. Be careful not to feed yourself the fantasy that she's all happy and giddy without you. It's self-destructive (even if it has some truth to it...you don't need to do that to yourself)

The pain WILL subside and things WILL get better ....I know that does little to help comfort you now, but it's true.

Best wishes.

[misssmithviii]

If you want to live an unhealthy, miserable life then there's nothing anyone can do/say to help you. You need to work on yourself because I can tell you now you are content with this self-sabotage. You are dragging yourself down and becoming even more unattractive to her and any other girl by wallowing in this pity-pool.

 

You aren't even close to getting better if you don't even want to... You'll figure it out on your own.

[Convict7]

Thats just what made all this hit home. I have been getting out more. Ive been out most of this weekend with family and friends. I hated it. I hated not sharing the time with her. I hated not getting to talk to her about what I did while I was out. I hated not getting to see her or hold her for weeks. Ive been out doing anything with anyone who asks every other day for the last week. And I hated it. I told myself if I got out and did things I would find someone I could hang with an be comfortable. I didnt. Not even my family. We had such an ease and comfort with each other and I miss that so much. I cant talk to anyone how I talked to her. I was out with a friend today and kept hitting walls in the conversation. Here and there I just wanted to get away from this person. And it has nothing to do with the person, who is very nice, but I cant stand not being able to talk openly anymore. I lost my best friend in this breakup and the person I love.

 

And you said I need to think back to the happy person I was before her. But I wasnt happy before her. I was a mess who barely got into school, hated himself, and did anything to distract from how little I could connect with my friends. She changed all of that. I became a harder worker, I got closer to my family, I treated people I didnt know better. I became a better person through her influence. If I can be happy now its thanks to her giving me confidence and support. Then she leaves, and I kinda hold onto some of that confidence thinking she will change her mind. and I keep to the good person I am by handling it well and treating her nicely through it. Then we tried again and broke it off again. And that confidence slowly died, and I didnt handle it well and I cursed and flipped out at her.

 

I saw my friend today and we talked and had coffee and the whole time I felt my happiness draining to the ground. Here was a nice person who is interested in me and talking with me, and I felt nothing. Not romantic interest, not friendly warmth, not even the desire to be kind. I faked my way through it, but I hated being there and being fake. And all I could think was maybe this is as good as it gets for me now. Maybe I lost the person I am in love with and the rest of my life will be faking my way through friendships and relationships just to not be alone. And I hate that thought too. If I cant find that same kind of love again I dont want to be near anyone. She wasnt perfect at all, but there was some unknown thing in her that made me feel right. It was there when I first met her and it was there when she left me the last time. And I cant find it in anyone else. Sure I can cry with my family and talk to friends about stupid things. But the feeling is gone. It wasnt good or bad it was the feeling of everything being ok deep down inside. It sucks that she probably has that feeling back and is getting along ok without me. because I cant find it again. I dont feel like everything is going to be ok anymore.

[misssmithviii]

This is less about her and more about you.

She isn't some miracle drug to fix you, you're depressed, are co-dependent and stuck in this pity-party making excuse after excuse that you "just can't get better" instead of trying and trying again.

 

She's not the sun, she's not air, she's not necessary for life nor happiness. I thought the same when my first broke up with me, then the second then the third... you think you're alone? You're not. Everybody's felt this way and we're all telling you the same thing - this is no different.

 

Hence I think you have some issues you need to work out on yourself and I would strongly suggest some intense therapy. You've become unhealthily obsessed with this one girl and YOU'VE made it impossible to be happy yourself - not her. She's a separate being, externally responsible for her affect on you, however you're making her the source of everything and that's so dangerous. What's worse is you don't care to change it so why ask for advice? Once again, nobody can say anything because you will continue to make excuses, get defensive and act hopeless as if nobody ever survived this feeling/situation/experience before.

 

Get up! People are starving and dying in the real world, you're taking life for granted and that's all on you.

[broken71]

And you said I need to think back to the happy person I was before her. But I wasnt happy before her.

 

Convict - I can relate to what you're feeling. Not being happy prior to your relationship usually means that it will be especially hard to cope with the break up. There's probably issues that you had prior to her walking into your life that make it easy to suppress as you had someone to focus on. As you stated, you were happy with her and grew from the relationship. As bad as you feel now that she's not here, you still have the experiences and the growth. I know it feels crappy now and that all the positives you've gained are now gone. That's not true. It's still in you. You will grow some more on your own as a result of this break up. It'll take time. For some, it will be a lot of time as everyone is different. And I've also been out for the sake of just going out and faked my way through it. It's not easy but every now and then, you'll actually enjoy a moment or two. At least it's better than staying home and dwelling on things. The chances of enjoyable moments doing that would be slim to none.

[uncomfynumb]

Big hugs to you. You are going through what we all go through. There is no telling you anything, no analzying just go through it. It hurts and that is why we are here to listen.

 

Vent, vent some more, and before you are done, vent again. We are here with cyber hugs, kisses, and support.

 

xoxo

[amx]

I know you are going through a lot of pain right now. I felt the same way not too long ago but if you wan't the pain to subside there are a few things you need to do.

 

1. Convince yourself that there is absolutely no hope of getting back together because if you don't you make yourself vulnerable for getting strung along and this is much more painful

2. Stop all contact with your ex immediately

3. Allow yourself some time to grief but not too much. The more you bring up memories in your head the harder it will be to forget her.

4. Work on becoming the person you've always wanted to be

5. Go to the gym or engage in physical activity this will relieve some stress and make it easier to fall asleep at night

 

Whenever something like this happens it is important that we focus on our positive attributes. Don't engage in self-pity. Convince yourself that you are strong enough to handle this because you are. Don't worry about what she is doing focus on yourself, and remember that time will heal the wounds. Remember that there are situations in life where we can only control our reactions. Nothing you do will change her mind. However, the way you react will determine the quality of your life.

 

If hearing a success story will help (when I was feeling like you I wanted to here happy stories ) here is mine:

 

I was together with my ex for 7 years. He was my first boyfriend and my first love. However what I loved most about our relationship was that he was my best friend and I was his. We did everything together. Before him I always had a feeling of emptiness but when I was with him I felt complete, secure, and safe. In the last few months of the relationship his behavior began to change and I couldn't understand why. Four months later he told me that he no longer loved me and that he had been seeing a mutual friend of ours. When this happened I felt my world shatter. Everything about life began to feel different. I thought I would never love again. I thought I would never know happiness.

 

I did not want to lose him and so he strung me along for a month. This was the most painful month of my life. However one day I realized that I had to move on and I did all the things I listed above. It felt like hell the first two weeks. Then I began to feel a lot better. I know its cliche but time is really your best ally in this all. Fast-forward a few more weeks and I didn't even miss him anymore. Now I am in a relationship with a new guy and it is amazing! I am happy! The fact that I let go of the memories makes it easy to move on because I do not feel the urge to compare my ex with my current boyfriend.

 

Well I hope reading this helps and remember you are strong enough to get through this. If I could anyone can! Just don't belittle yourself. Convince yourself of what a great guy you really are. Good luck and stay strong!

[ElectricSheep123]

I'm going to repeat a line that helped me with my breakup. Believe me, I felt like nothing was going to be the same anymore, like life was over. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. And when I was all cried out, I'd lay in bed all day, just sighing and groaning under the sheer pain of heartbreak. And I read this line from a post here, and it may not do anything for you, but I hope it does. It's a simple line, and your initial thought may be "Whetever..." But just repeat it to yourself and it will help you:

 

We are responsible for our own happiness.

[Convict7]

Thanks everyone, for the tough advice and the kind words. Everything everyone said is appreciated. It was a rough night. Every few days of holding it in I get overwhelmed. The smallest thing sets me off and all the bad emotions come rushing in. I'm a lot more calm now.

 

Everyone says not to contact her and so far I haven't except to send her a short congratulations on the day she graduated. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't acknowledge all her hard work and congratulate her. Beyond that email I haven't talked to her since the last breakup. I guess the thoughts of her handling it so easily are assumptions I'm making because she hasn't contacted me.

 

I do love her, and in my lucid time I can accept that that may be the case for a long time. She is very special to me and it will take time to break myself of that. Another problem I have is that I am not a social person to start with. Once we got together I lost what friends I had and just walled myself away with her. I was happy like that, not having to keep up friendships. I have a couple friends now who I just need to be more receptive to. I really wasn't happy before her, but that's because I was still a stupid teenager who was angsty about everything. I guess this is my first chance to be an adult without a crutch.

 

For now I am going to spend this next week looking for evening/night work. I'm not sleeping anyway and I need something to do. I need to save up some money, over the summer I guess, and move away from here. The plan was to move away with her after the summer, so I will keep to that plan and just subtract her. A new place will help me to stop associating everything with her and I will still feel like I am on track with my plans.

[misssmithviii]

Best wishes

 

I knew a man who was so in love with me, for 5 years straight. He couldn't take it any longer so he actually moved to France. He met a beautiful woman there, realized I wasn't the world and even when he moved back to the states and he broke up with her (due to the move unfortunately) - he told me he finally had found peace and that he'll always view me as amazing but he won't let that hinder him from living a good life.

 

You'll be fine, I promise.