How do you know if you love someone?

[ToBeOrNotToBe]

I've been talking to this guy online for the past 2.5 years. Now for the past year almost everyday. My parents are okay with it and I have seen him on webcam many times. I've even talked to his parents, I've seen pictures ect. So i'm positive hes who he says he is. ( hes 19 and i'm 18)

 

So now that I got that info out of the way...Heres with the problem comes in. When I first started talking to him he said he loved me after only a few weeks. At the time i'm not even sure i liked him that much because i talked to tons of guys and I wasn't a very nice girl. I did alot of things I shouldn't have done lying and cheating. A year later I realized what a wonderful guy I had in front of me. Yeah hes a little overly religious but I still care for him.

 

So...I told him about everything I did and apologized and said I would make it all up to him. He didn't take it to good...I mean who would? I was flirting and cybering with other guys online and lord knows what else I did I try to forget.

 

I vowed to never do it again and told him the truth ABOUT everything. In the end he forgave me. After that I started to act differently though kind of paranoid? idk? whenever I had a bad thought about something or remembered something I did I would HAVE to tell him it was the only way i could feel better. I developed a horrible guilt problem and I think I had a slight case of pure OCD. He would listen to every bad thought and or memory. Give me constant advice. I just didn't understand why I had to tell him everything because I know it hurt him a little I was doing it just to make myself feel better I think...which is kind of selfish. After a while I got past the guilt and constant need of reassurance/confessing.

 

Then I started doubting my love for him and the thought of breaking up just randomly popped into my head. Which is ridicilious because I know I never want to break up with him. Yeah back then I Did some bad things but hes grown on me. I'm going to be meeting him in a few weeks and my parents are totally okay with it. However, he says he still hasn't found a job but hes made some money so i'm worried he won't make it here.

 

Now a few days ago (during one of my rather emotional times) he said hes worn out and needs to take a breather??? Does he mean just a nap or a breather from our relationship?? i'm so confused he said he has to put up with alot with me. and it stresses him out. But then he says he loves me and i'm the one for him and i'm so beautiful its just confusing.

 

I call him everyday...I guess i'm to clingy I was thinking maybe if i didnt call so much he would miss me? and think me more interesting the next time i call?

Its getting hard i'm making myself wait 3-4 days without calling him. I closed my eyes and chucked the phone into my disordered closet hoping I wont be able to find it if I can't stop myself from calling him.

 

I guess I just need help with this relationship in general, about the things i've done the psychological wars I put myself through.

 

And a much needed answer for this question that could solve almost everything....

 

How do you know if you love someone

 

please try to answer this question and give me some advice on my relationship...

 

Thank You

[savignon]

When is he coming to see you? Will it be the first time you meet? I'm sure meeting him in person and spending "live" time with him will help you both sort out your feelings.

[generaldiscord]

People feel love in different ways.

 

For me, I feel a crush as a high heartbeat when I think of the person or if we are together.

 

I feel love as a warmth in my forehead and a smile I can't control effectively. It's not an obsessive feeling ( I don't think of the person all the time, and I don't wonder were the person is, and I don't wait by the phone or anything) but a kind and gentle feeling. Like, when the person is around, I feel the need to make him feel comfortable.

[spearntime]

First of all, you don't even know this guy.

 

Have you ever met him?

 

It sounds to me as though it is very immature infatuation.

 

I think he may be on a completely different spiritual path and journey than you are.

 

What do you think?

 

you may just forget him in a few yers.

 

Too young

[newwave]

There's different kinds of love. There is the love you have for someone romantically, there's the love you have for people close to you such as family, etc. Of course there's also lust, which people mistake for love.

[Martin1]

I remember reading your post a few months back, so I just looked through your other threads.

I've noticed 2 things:

- you mention your bf alot

- you always mention guilt

 

I wonder does he ever mention past things or is it always you who brings it up ?

People can get tired if you keep apologizing about the same.. if he says that he forgave you then TRUST him. It's really important to get over things.

 

If you think it's too much for him to be on phone each day then ask him about it. If he wants to reduce the amount then don't take it personal.. he might just not like to be on phone alot and maybe just did it for you until now.

 

At least I think that you love him, 2.5 years is a long time and he still is inside your head so often. I don't think you only like the attention, else you wouldn't have stopped doing all this stuff with other guys and I guess you also get alot of attention in real life.

 

Anyway, for me love is when I come to a point where I have the option to do whats best for me or whats best for my partner. Guess you know what you'd pick if its love. (i.e. you changed for him)

 

I don't know why almost everyone gives such negative replies here. I know it's just online, but 2.5 years only platonic.. I think that's a really good foundation for a relationship. I would love to have that, jsut that I could probably never wait soo long