whats the point in my life anymore?

[life_aint_peachy]

what am i to do,my life seems hopeless from every angle i try and think posotive and move onto better things but i fail everytime,im a bigtime loner,i made friends once and lost everyone of them cos they wer selfish two faced and took things wat i sed way over prerportion,so now im completely lonely an iv lost so much confidence,i didnt hav much to start with but somehow found some as soon as i made those friends but now ive hit rock bottom been hurt so badly and this is what my life is like now.sometimes i sit alone in my room and burst into tears,i look out the window and see people my age walking about in groups lookin content and popular (im 18) it doesnt seem right that a person of my age has so many problems.im trying to get a job but every interview i go to they end up telling me im too quiet or i seem shy at the end of it,even though iv turned up all dressed up smartly,with a polite formal manner and spoken as loud and clearly as i possibly can,i just cant win they say they are after a bubbly person and everytime it just knocks my self confidence even further...hows a person like me supposed to get employed? so im knocking about with no money to buy things i want and nice new clothes like an 18 year old should do i feel such a loser.i have a one night job but i hate it,nobody likes me cos iv been shy the years iv been there,i find it so hard to speak to anyone and keep the conversation going i just end up feeling like i want to keep quiet n go home at the end of it,yet feel upset wen nobody knows i exsist.i try so hard to make things better but i end up going round in circles,i try and make friends believe me i do,i even tried with this girl that going out with my boyfriends mate and we seemed to get on really well at first i thought 'be yourself and ull do fine'' so i did but there wer moments wer i didnt know what to say so there was silence,i foudn i spoke a little too much about myself to fill in the gaps,yet still tried to make it interesting,but at the end of it,despite how good it all started off like,she left simply just saying 'bye' and nothing else,no 'ill see you soon'' or makin plans to see me again,the bye wasnt even a smiling gesture,i dont knwo what i did wrong but this seems to happen with everyone i deal with so im dead upset about that i feel i cant make friends to save my life and feel im better off alone,a stupid loner who disscludes herself from the crowds,i hate big crowds they make me feel uneasy,i went to a party once an kept quiet most of the night,til one guy asked me what my name was n wen i told him he just went 'oh it speaks then does it' that made me feel like some kind of freak i really dont know what to do,i think about death at night and get scared,i feel id be better off dead but then i get upset cos i love my family and my boyfriend and i like the way i am,im a rarety these days cos im so nice and polite,and im pretty im not ugly but even now no lad will look twice at me cos i feel as soon as i open my mouth they get put off,i cant understand where im going wrong if bein myselfs not good enough what am i expected to do?! i say things sometimes that i dont mean just to get attention sometimes i dont make any sense and to top it off im in love with my sadness it sounds weird,but iv been this way for so long i feel comfortable just keepin myself in this terrible feeling,yet im just screaming inside that i want to get out!!!!!!! my life is so miserable,my family are makin me work at that place and i really dont want to,it depresses me when i think about it i dread going and the fact i dont get along with everyone makes me feel worthless as a person even more.has anyone got any advice? cos i really dont feel like i should be alive,why should i be when nothing in my life seems to go right? i feel nobodys giving me a chance in anything,i feel boring i feel ugly i just feel everything negative,if it wernt for my boyfriend im not sure id be here today......

[fmfisdead]

It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety problems, I feel really bad saying this and I don't want to knock down your self esteem at all anymore, but maybe you should talk to somebody about this. Maybe all of this isn't all your fault. I have a friend who is a girl who is the same way, and she takes medicine for it. I guess it helps, but try to find some really good friends who will stick by you, and if your boyfriend does, then you know how much he loves you. Sorry I don't know much good to say, but I guess just talk to somebody about this, and maybe see if its time to take some pills for this problem.

[Sadness_Creeping]

life_aint_peachy,

i get where you coming from...i think this happens to everyone at somepoint...dont give up. Somthing thats really helping me is listening to self hypnosis mp3s. they seem to help alot. My fav is Paul Scheele - Paraliminal & Hypnosis - Instantaneous Personal Magnetism. it seems to work really good for me.

just rememer life can be peachy..but you have to make a choice and make it that way...choose to be happy and you will. (sometimes thinking for 5 min a day about how much better your life is than some ppl will help you relize how lucky you really are.)

Good luck avioding sadness when it creeps up on you.

[kaboom1218]

Hey Peachy,

 

You should remove the negative associations from your name and just leave it at that, cuz life can be peachy if you let it. It does sound like you're suffering from depression and I've been there. St. John's Wort is a good organic, herb that is supposed to improve moods w/o the scary and unpredictable side effects of synthetic anti-depressants.

 

Otherwise, I agree to talk to someone; whether it be family or your boyfriend. And maybe start with that. It sounds like you do have a network of loved ones, so try to focus on them. I'm assuming you're in school or graduating. Focus on attaining a higher degree, joining some clubs, picking up some hobbies or whatever may expose you to more people with common interests while improving some areas of your life. I know sometimes it's hard to fit in, but as you said, if you just act yourself, there will be those who love you for you. Tell the others to bite the big one! JJ. Keep ya head up!

 

Peace

[Cure of Ars]

My advice would be to pray to Jesus. He always has your back. Also I would try to focus less on you and try to help other people. If want to talk with people go here link removed

 

God bless