happymac Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Hi, I'm new to this so please be gentle with me! I have been in a very up/down relationship for 7 years. My partner is abusive, I know this. He is verbally & occasionally physically abusive toward me.His emotional issues run vey deep, but ultimately I have always LIKED this man. He is funny & caring BUT he controls everything & thinks he gives me everything I need because he says the right things & is totally devoted to me when things are going okay. He even controls our sex life because he says that it shouldn't be a factor when we love each other. We don't have sex at all except when he decides. He doesn't understand that for me it is a sensual validation of our love for each other.The thing is I know he is sexually turned on by normal sexy things but just doesn't want to act these feelings with me. He has children from a previous relationship whom I love like they were my own but they didn't ring me for mothers' day even though I have looked after them along with their mum &him since they were in primary school. They are now 16 & 18. I was hurt but put it down to typical self centered teenagers. I told my partner I was hurt but the next argument we had he told me they didn't ring me because they hated me, just like he did. I am a very passionate person with very strong opinions & I can be very short tempered, but my feelings don't last for long.I voice my opinion & then get on with it, I love my loved ones, I get hurt easily when I believe I am being misunderstood. I care & love the people in my life but I feel I'm slowly losing my true personality. I used to be so outgoing & fun but now I find myself biting my tongue a lot...fearful that I will be forced into a * * * for tat challenge that I can't possibly win, his manipulation is too clever for me.I don't have a social life anymore, I just couldn't be bothered. I drink a lot on the weekends to keep up with him. A few weeks ago I became violent with him, oh how good it felt for the tables to turn...I was doubting our relationship..he's so nice with everyone else but doesn't need me in the bed. I questioned his behaviour & kicked him violently. Now he says he is the victim. How sweet for him..his behaviour is justified! He has controlled this relationship from the start. I want to leave who I thought was my best friend...I need advice on how to stay strong. This realtionship is poisonous. Link to comment
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