Should i be expecting a call

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

So last week I posted a thread about my ex's birthday. Everyone told me not to contact her even though we were on good terms and have alreasy had 5 monts NC... Well brownstone was right because i think it got the point accross...she called me 2 days after her birthday to ask me why i was mad...i told her i wasnt so she told me she was disapointed that i hadnt called her to wish her happy birthday...she then asked me why we couldnt be friends since she reall cant be in a relationship at the moment (she is actually extremely busy) anyway she said she would rather have me in her life as a friend for now then not at all.... So i think i pretty much had the upper hand until i started sounding needy by talking about how we could make it work. So she ended up telling me she would call me back because but never did.... Its been 4 days...what should i expect next? I feel like she wont call again

[hexaemeron]

Textbook example of why breaking NC is bad. Now all this work you've done for yourself is ruined because look what happened. You getting needy and trying to extort a relationship from someone you know doesn't want you that way anymore. I say ignore the call if it comes, which it probably won't and stick to NC and move on.

[Adge]

Don't contact her. Don't expect her to contact you. Don't hang on to false hope - you'll go absolutely mad!

 

I think losing the one you love (or sometimes think you love) is one of the hardest things to have to deal with in life. In this case you have to do the opposite of what your heart tells you. Don't push for anything - consider her gone. If she wants to reconcile then you HAVE to let her bring it up. She already knows your side and how you feel.

 

Keep strong buddy

[browneyedgirl36]

I think you shouldn't be expecting a call back anytime soon. This is not to say she won't ever call you, but...I just don't see it happening right away.

 

Frankly, I think it's pretty selfish of her to call you after her birthday to ask why you didn't wish her a happy birthday and give you a sort of guilt trip about how she'd rather have you as a friend than nothing at all. She severed her relationship when she broke up with you -- she has to understand that this was her choice, and it's pretty unfair of her to expect you to hang around on the margins of her life as a friend while she's off moving on.

 

Don't call her again, for a LONG time. I would say this is a case for a long period of NC if there ever was one, at least until you feel that you can be friends with her with no expectations, which may be a long time away.

[CuZiNeeDYoU]

Textbook example of why breaking NC is bad. Now all this work you've done for yourself is ruined because look what happened. You getting needy and trying to extort a relationship from someone you know doesn't want you that way anymore. I say ignore the call if it comes, which it probably won't and stick to NC and move on.

 

I think you misread because I didnt break NC

[jellysandwich]

You did break NC... by answering her call. YOUR NC. Just language play, nothing big.

[iBroken]

^ You did by answering the call.

 

NC is NC. Ignore, no attempt to contact, ignore attempts at contact.

[Brownstone322]

So last week I posted a thread about my ex's birthday. Everyone told me not to contact her even though we were on good terms and have alreasy had 5 monts NC... Well brownstone was right because i think it got the point accross...she called me 2 days after her birthday to ask me why i was mad...

First, let's get this part straight: I wasn't the only one who was right. Everyone on that thread told you to stand your ground and let her call you.

 

... she said she would rather have me in her life as a friend for now then not at all.... So i think i pretty much had the upper hand until i started sounding needy by talking about how we could make it work.

Oh, god, why do you keep doing this? Why do you refuse to let time have its effect (which is guaranteed to be positive).

 

So she ended up telling me she would call me back because but never did.... Its been 4 days...what should i expect next? I feel like she wont call again

Four days is nothing. She'll definitely call you in due course. I actually hope she doesn't call you for several months, because you can use that time to get your act together!

[mantarei]

First, let's get this part straight: I wasn't the only one who was right. Everyone on that thread told you to stand your ground and let her call you.

 

 

Oh, god, why do you keep doing this? Why do you refuse to let time have its effect (which is guaranteed to be positive).

 

 

Four days is nothing. She'll definitely call you in due course. I actually hope she doesn't call you for several months, because you can use that time to get your act together!

Brownstone,

 

How can you say that time is gauranteed to be positive with such conviction??

 

I imagine that cuz's ex has a percieved notion of him that keeps her from wanting reconcilation. That is why she left. This is what is left in her mind where he is concerned. And with no interaction from him, why should she ever come to alter this perception of him? I do not see how time will help anything.

 

I think post seperation any caring feelings, or tenderness is just GONE...and now all that is left is this weird 'shes-stringing-him-along-to-get-an-egoboost/power-surge' and hes getting bursts and fits of 'hope' when its just her on a power trip (regardless of what she says 'im confused' etc - I would say its just sweetness to keep him hooked)

 

...Cuz Im sorry if this is a little harsh. Im just trying to think through things without the rosetinted glasses.

[dazed_83]

Brownstone,

 

How can you say that time is gauranteed to be positive with such conviction??

 

I think it means it will be positive for Cuz personally , not necessarily positive about him getting back together with his ex.

 

He needs to regain his composure.

[dumped]

^^^^^

Agree with this