How to get the ones who like you to talk to you more...

[DreamerGirl27]

and the ones who don't to talk to you less. I am SO confused on guys right now! Every guy in the past that has "liked" me has only wanted to talk to me when we were on a date. They'd call me up, ask me out, I'd go out with them, then never hear from them again until the next date.

 

I met this guy (that I have talked about that totally did not work out in any way shape or form) in school last semester, and he talked to me ALL THE TIME non stop for 6 months straight. I thought that meant this guy must be the first guy who REALLY likes me. He doesn't. (didn't) Apparently he was just looking for friends.

 

The Problem: I want a guy like the 2nd guy. I want a friend FIRST. I want him to be all wrapped up in getting to know me BEFORE he asks me out on a date. I can't find that. ANYWHERE! This guy I also happened to like the most out of any of the other guys I have ever "thought" I liked, because 1st he was the most attractive to me, 2nd we had the most in common and 3rd, he gave me everything I was looking for. Friendship and getting to know me before anything else.

 

How do you get the ones that like you to stop before immediately asking you out on a date and just be your friend first and talk to you and be there for you all the time and THEN ask you out, and the ones who want to be just "friends" to see you as more?

 

I have a dilemma with men and I think it is that they are really stupid and don't know what they want. (No offense) but the guys I've come accross in my life are really that. Stupid...and they don't make any sense. They are also not sensitive to my needs. If a guy likes me, I need him to show me, other than when we are on a date. If a guy doesn't like me, I need him to show me by backing off and not being so damn friendly.

 

sigh

 

(Prepares to live her entire life alone)

[oldenoughtoknow]

Hum. Well, the guys that only call you up to ask you on a date seem a little strange. That's not attempting to develop much of a relationship.

 

On the friends first subject, I think most guys have learned to not go down that path. Most every guy alive that has ever talked to a woman has experienced the "friend zone" at some point in his life. And it's certainly not by our decision. Read some of the threads on "nice guys." Women seem to categorize men when they are first getting to know them as to whether they are a potential friend or relationship partner. Converting from friend to relationship partner down the road is usually difficult, if not impossible - with most women, obviously not you - or maybe this will give you something to ponder.

[DreamerGirl27]

richpart, *I* got friend zoned by this guy. I wanted more. He didn't.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I understand that happened with the one guy. He probably decided he just wanted to be friends early on. Or he may have been one of those shy, "nice guys" who get friend zoned on a regular basis and as time went on, he convinced himself that his chances were shot. Did you ever express any interest in wanting more with him?

 

As far as the guy friend zone, I was referring to your wish to "just be your friend first and talk to you and be there for you all the time and THEN ask you out." Shy guys usually try this tack to "ease" their way into what they hope will become a relationship. It circumvents their fear of rejection. With the vast majority of women, this usually backfires. That's why most guys have either already learned, or are in the painful process of learning, to not go down this path.

[DreamerGirl27]

richpart, yeah, he knows I like him.