NC is harder to implement than I thought....

[cherryberry123]

It's only the 2nd day, and my ex has just texted me.

He doesn't know I'm doing this.

I can't tell him.

We promised to stay friends.

I feel like a sick person for doing this.

This is cruel.

 

How do you do it?

[Tangz]

Just say you want to email/text less often. Worked for me.

 

Why should you feel bad? They dumped you, you can dump him by going NC.

[cherryberry123]

Just say you want to email/text less often. Worked for me.

 

Why should you feel bad? They dumped you, you can dump him by going NC.

 

I can't blame him. He had to leave, I was hurting him emotionally and draining him mentally.

NC is just being cruel AGAIN

[KittyBoo]

I can't blame him. He had to leave, I was hurting him emotionally and draining him mentally.

NC is just being cruel AGAIN

 

The purpose behind NC has nothing to do with being cruel. It is the chance for both of you to heal and you can't do that as long as you don't put some temporary distance between you.

[amandamarie]

I don't understand why you can't tell him, if you feel cruel for doing it and bothered by ignoring? Why can't you just tell him that you thought earlier you could be freinds, but you are finding now that you can't, so you need him to stop contacting you? That way you are being honest (which is the best policy, in my opinion), you are letting him know you need space, and you are also leaving things on decent terms.

[hater13]

didn't someone once say "nc is like dumping the dumper back" LOL

 

in a sense it's true.

 

I implemented NC on my ex, he assumed i'd never go through with it, because I had tried earlier but failed.

 

over a month later he is still trying to get my attention using indirect methods...whatever

[sphx26]

I don't understand why you can't tell him, if you feel cruel for doing it and bothered by ignoring? Why can't you just tell him that you thought earlier you could be freinds, but you are finding now that you can't, so you need him to stop contacting you? That way you are being honest (which is the best policy, in my opinion), you are letting him know you need space, and you are also leaving things on decent terms.

 

I agree with this since this is what I did to my ex who ended the relationship. Basically you just have to tell him how you feel about being friends with him and how it has affected your healing process or whatever reason that you have, then tell him it's best that you don't see or hear from him for an indefinite amount of time. I remember the time when I've said everything there is to say, I feel so much better and certainly do not consider my action as being cruel since I've already explained my reasons.

[hypatia]

Agreed. There is something cruel about ignoring a person without telling them why and of your intentions not to communicate anymore. So, if you haven't told your ex that you wish to not be in touch anymore and why, then consider doing so. It's kinder and more respectful than getting an unexpected silent treatment.

[jellysandwich]

Nothing cruel about it at all. After an ex dumps you, you owe him/her NOTHING. From your point of view, the ex should be as low as possible on the ladder, like so:

 

 

Ex

[cherryberry123]

I was thinking of telling him,but was told by others just to disappear so he would start wondering.

I think it is pretty cruel, considering the fact that we had a pretty private conversation about keeping in touch. I also said I wanted to keep him in my life.He has been keeping his end of the deal.

We have been kind to one another, more than ever. He is completely understanding of my feelings.

 

I just fear I may have my heart broken unintentionally...

[LizzieD]

jellysandwich: Whoa. Nice! I'll implement that hierarchical thought now.

[hypatia]

I was thinking of telling him,but was told by others just to disappear so he would start wondering.

I think it is pretty cruel, considering the fact that we had a pretty private conversation about keeping in touch. I also said I wanted to keep him in my life.He has been keeping his end of the deal.

We have been kind to one another, more than ever. He is completely understanding of my feelings.

 

I just fear I may have my heart broken unintentionally...

 

 

You say you were the one hurting him, and you don't blame him for leaving. Also, that he has been kind, and you told him you would keep in touch. So why not just tell him you need time without communication to heal and you'll be back in touch when you are ready?

 

You say you want to make him wonder, so I guess you want him to come back to you. However, just consider that how you treat someone after the break-up can GREATLY influence whether they will want to try again. Treating someone with respect and communicating why you no longer want to be in touch will go much further than implementing NC without giving a heads up. You will both feel much better, I suspect. You left on good terms, so there is no reason to create more bad feelings with what you might think is mysterious silence and will likely come off to him as frustrating and negative.

 

There are a lot of exes on these forums getting angry and upset because their communication is being ignored and they don't know why. Treat him like you'd like to be treated.

[Brigadoon]

I can't blame him. He had to leave, I was hurting him emotionally and draining him mentally.

NC is just being cruel AGAIN

 

He did not HAVE to do anything. And for the record my ex pulled this one on me too. It was only after months that I came to the realisation that dumpers often feel that they have to come up with justifiable reasons for breaking up and so you end up getting a MASSIVE guilt trip laid on you.

 

I was thinking of telling him,but was told by others just to disappear so he would start wondering.

I think it is pretty cruel, considering the fact that we had a pretty private conversation about keeping in touch. I also said I wanted to keep him in my life. He has been keeping his end of the deal.

We have been kind to one another, more than ever. He is completely understanding of my feelings.

 

I just fear I may have my heart broken unintentionally...

 

Was pretending that he was too sick to see you and then going to a party the same night even though he must have known you would find out part of the deal?

Is constantly keeping in contact with you even though it's torturing you emotionally being completely understanding of your feelings?

 

You need to stop considering his feelings and start worrying about yours. You are the only one who can look after you. He made the decision to put himself first, as was his right. You need to show him some backbone by doing the same.