Feeling pretty lost...

[Lucius9]

Sorry about this being the first post, but it was born of desperation...

 

I met my ex-girlfriend for the first time through pure chance last November, as I ran into some friends who were with her in a bookshop. After a swift introduction, I had to go to a driving lesson, and left, but she soon contacted me later.

 

After a few online conversations and meetings, she came to see a play I was in, and I suspected she felt something for me. I, however, was rather enamoured with a close friend of hers, and pretty much disregarded her, until she confessed her feelings in the middle of the night, after the last night of my play. It took a while for me to make a choice, but upon realising that her friend was in a very long term relationship (she guessed my feelings for her), I decided to chance it, and we starting going out the next week - this was my first relationship, but it was something we both took seriously.

 

Over the next few months, most of the pressure was from her, although I happily followed, and everything was great - I was soon over her friend, and made this very clear to her. Occasionally, she confessed to depressive moments, and I helped her, and everything was pretty wonderful. At some point, however, I fell absolutely in love with her, and this only happened because she seemed to feel the same way about me; she often asked me to promise never to leave her, and I did, asking the same in return.

 

This lasted from December until the middle of March. One night she went to a concert with friends, which she had been nervous about, but which I encouraged her to go to, and told me that she had a wonderful time - this was on Friday. I asked if she'd like to meet on Saturday or Sunday (we hadn't agreed which) and she chose Sunday. However, on Sunday, she texted to say she felt a bit ill, so would meet for a shorter time, and when we did meet she was bizarrely distant, in complete contrast to how she'd been mere days ago.

 

That continued for the next week, and she began to develop reasons not to meet. On Thursday, I surprised her by coming when she didn't expect it, claiming she had had to help with a school club (I waited for her to finish). I was suspicious, and asked her if she was alright via MSN that evening. Upon being pressed, and my request for the truth, even if it was about me, she started the 'we need to talk' thing...

 

She claimed to be suffocated, so I offered space. By Saturday that had become a break, and by Tuesday we'd broken up, but I took my asking if she was thinking of breaking up with me for that to happen. I, admittedly, dealt with it dreadfully, and followed her on forums where she had expressed her sudden need to break up with her boyfriend, in far stronger terms than she ever spoke to me. We met a couple of days after the break-up, as I we agreed it couldn't just happen online, but she left pretty much straight away, causing me to express my concern. She had posted certain personal issues I knew about, and problems she'd been struggling with had returned: in short, she didn't seem happy.

 

In the end, I left her a note saying that I did care about her, and reassuring her that I understood she was going through I hard time, via her friend, and I went away skiing for a week.

 

I attempted to speak with her when I came back, but didn't really here anything more than 'lol' or 'ok' in response, but continued to follow her on forums, where she eventually mentioned that she wanted to hit her ex-boyfriend for constantly attempting to make contact. So I cut all of that off, just as she was advised to block me on everything.

 

The next day, however, I botched an attempt to see what would happen if I blocked someone on Facebook, and accidentally deleted her - she responded, and joined groups mockingly saying how 'insulted' she was. I took this in good humour, explained the mistake, and she replied that she wasn't in the mood to add me just yet, so I said that was probably for the best, and tried to move on, following all advice about No Contact and the like.

 

So now, five weeks later, I have just spoken to her on MSN, with low expectations - I believed I was over it all, and just wanted to establish some sort of contact, which could develop into more if that was to be. However, she was just as vague with her replies as before, and the whole thing went nowehere - this led to my online stalking of her again, and a general crisis of everything which brought me here.

 

Throughout this whole period, she has become impressively addicted to forums, managing 40 posts a day at one stage, and has managed to cut off most friends, adding online acquaintances on Facebook instead, and only speaking to them. As it stands now, I love her, and would do anything just to be on easy terms once more, at the very least. Congratulations if you made it here, and my sincerest thanks.

[Confused7]

she treated you horribly. i know this is a bit harsh, but you will have an easy time getting over her, trust me. these words i type are from a complete stranger, and right now you feel like your whole world has been crashing down on you, and that there is no way you'll get over this. but i promise if you give this another month, and stop following her online, you will be completely over this. i say this because she treated you like complete crap, and you did nothing wrong. you have to ask yourself why you want to be with her anyways? it's so much easier to move on and forget her. she was the one who came onto you in the first place. so let her sulk in her loss. not to mention she's been ignoring friends and living this online alternate reality. you'll learn a valuable lesson from all of this and you will laugh at all this in the future. remember that much more people have it worse than you, me being one of them.

[Lucius9]

Thanks, and I suspect I will. I know that I should be angry with her, but for some reason I'm not - she's not a very confrontational person, and I think she was trying too hard not to hurt me, and doing so in the process.

 

And I'm aware that people are in much worse situations; I wish you the best of luck.

[mca1975]

Hi Lucius, well it sounds to me that once she knew she had you and you were in love with her, she realised that she didn't really want you.

 

Of course, this is her right if she's not happy but I think she dealt with it in a horrible way, a very immature way.

 

I would suggest to definitely stop following her on-line, it will just keep you lingering over her and will not help you to move on at all. You don't need to know her inner thoughts, they can only hurt you, I don't know why you do it to yourself.

 

My relationship has just broken up (my choice) and straight away, I took him off my facebook (even though we were still living together - I'm moving out this weekend). It will only hurt me, and him, to still know what each other are up to and thinking about.

 

Do yourself a favour and start looking forward and move on. Do not go over this for one second longer. The basic facts about a relationship ending are that one or the other person does not feel as much for the other person as the other person does, or cannot go ahead with it for one reason or another. Maybe she feels you are not suited? But I do think that she has been a **** about it yes.

 

Be brave and choose to move on in life, look forward. There are plenty of other fish in the sea as they say.

 

x

[Lucius9]

This has taken a turn for the weirder, as my other thread explains...