NowandZen Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 So, after a much needed break, I'm back. Sort of. I don't know how involved in conversations I will get, but I'll start with this. After some contemplation, I decided these were my major issues: Overeating Not Sleeping well Difficulty in forgiving people Not listening to people. Caring more about accomplishment than people. And the sad part is, I KNOW what's holding me back, in most cases. I UNDERSTAND the behavior, but I CAN'T STOP. It reminds me of a time when I really struggled with my golf game, because I was gripping the club too tightly, and I knew that was the problem, but I just couldn't stop. It's like something, either my mind or my body, was overriding my will. That's how it feels now. I decided to seek professional help. Of course the state of mental health treatment where I am means my appointment is not for a month. Hope I don't go off the deep end before then (j/K). This is not unusual for specialists. To get an appt with a new dermatologist, might take 3 months. Maybe they think it will clear up before then. So anyway, I overate again last night. I was doing well up to that point. I had about 800 calories up till dinnertime. But circumstances and bad choices ruled the day. Long and short is I didn't eat until late, and I was HUNGRY, and made a bad food choice (no time to prepare a healthy meal) and it was soooo good I just kept eating. And as a result, I didn't sleep through the night. ugh. Otherwise, I caught myself in one of the not listening traps yesterday, but that at least is something. I spent most of the day at work avoiding people. No chance of that today. I'll spend ALL day engaged with people, I just hope it doesn't wear me out. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 12, 2010 Author Share Posted May 12, 2010 Yesterday was sort of funny. At the end of the day, my thighs were so sore, and I had no idea why. Then later on I remembered. Monday was my first run in three months. No wonder I was sore. I tried really really hard to make eye contact and smile with people at work. I didn't over eat, but I ate too fast again. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Yesterday was sort of funny. At the end of the day, my thighs were so sore, and I had no idea why. Then later on I remembered. Monday was my first run in three months. No wonder I was sore. I tried really really hard to make eye contact and smile with people at work. I didn't over eat, but I ate too fast again. Good one, it really does make a difference. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 13, 2010 Author Share Posted May 13, 2010 So, had a good time tonight. Odd day at work, training all day. But, I did well in not answering every question, letting others participate. Like the man said, experience is a good teacher, but you pay, oh God, you pay. Sigh, anybody know how I can make my rear end bigger? Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 So, had a good time tonight. Odd day at work, training all day. But, I did well in not answering every question, letting others participate. Like the man said, experience is a good teacher, but you pay, oh God, you pay. Sigh, anybody know how I can make my rear end bigger? Eat more? Lol. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 Ate FOUR slices of pizza last night. Lots of people talking yesterday. I tried really hard to listen. Forced myself to shut my mouth. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 15, 2010 Author Share Posted May 15, 2010 Had a long convo with the wife about things on my mind. Her suggestion was to break it down into manageable chunks. Seems like good advice, but I don't know where to start. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 16, 2010 Author Share Posted May 16, 2010 REALLY lazy yesterday. Sometimes you need to recharge. Thought for the day: "You can't speak the truth, or hear the truth, or think the truth. You can only know the truth." Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 Some more about this eye contact. I don't know where it's coming from. I try to break eye contact as quickly as possible ALL the TIME. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 18, 2010 Author Share Posted May 18, 2010 Had a talk with the boss today, he noticed my resentment. I guess the body language is there. Or, as my wife says, my "tells" are strong. I told him about some things going on in my life, and we cleared the air on some things, but not all. It's a start. I think part of it is that I don't seem to take certain things well. I don't accept. I sometimes personalize things. My boss seems to, and when it gets personal for him, it gets personal for me. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 They called to change my therapy appointment. Not sure what that augers. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted May 26, 2010 Author Share Posted May 26, 2010 My issues: Could one of them be that my father died before my grandmother, and I had to take care of her, and she was a drunk? Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 My issues: Could one of them be that my father died before my grandmother, and I had to take care of her, and she was a drunk? It's possible; maybe you have anger issues stemming from that, that you haven't dealt with yet? Link to comment
NowandZen Posted June 10, 2010 Author Share Posted June 10, 2010 So, I have asked some people to coach me when I do the things I tend to do that tick people off. I am doing a little better at being coached. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted June 12, 2010 Author Share Posted June 12, 2010 Two, I have killed two threads in two weeks. And I haven't even been on much. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted June 15, 2010 Author Share Posted June 15, 2010 Going to see the pshrink tomorrow. Also got a new meditation exercise. Gonna try it tonight. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 Going to see the pshrink tomorrow. Also got a new meditation exercise. Gonna try it tonight. I want to meditate. Let me know how to do it. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted June 15, 2010 Author Share Posted June 15, 2010 I want to meditate. Let me know how to do it. It's kinda something you have to figure out on your own. After I do the exercise, I'll let you know how it goes. Google Roy Masters and see what's there. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted June 15, 2010 Author Share Posted June 15, 2010 There are some people here at work I would consider hot. Not many, but enough. I suppose I should be grateful my libido is not what it was when I was 20. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 There are some people here at work I would consider hot. Not many, but enough. I suppose I should be grateful my libido is not what it was when I was 20. You wont appreciate this; but why do I find this funny? Link to comment
NowandZen Posted June 15, 2010 Author Share Posted June 15, 2010 You wont appreciate this; but why do I find this funny? I have long ceased to wonder at what you find funny. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 I have long ceased to wonder at what you find funny. Pretty much everything relevant and non-relevant lol. Link to comment
NowandZen Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Ok, day one with the headshrinker. Lotsa different forms, questionnaires, then I got to say why I was there. He told me that most people didn't have as organized an idea as I did, nor did as much work prior to coming as I did. More questions. He said I either had GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) or Adult ADD, which is ridicu, oh look a squirrel. j/k. From what he was saying, I was more GAD than ADD, but we couldn't be sure. He also said that for SOME people, taking the GAD drugs for a year "reset" their arousal issues, and they were able to get off it. We left it with me getting anti-anxiety meds and setting up counseling sessions. Part of me feels better just knowing I'm doing something. Link to comment
Perfect Dark Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Ok, day one with the headshrinker. Lotsa different forms, questionnaires, then I got to say why I was there. He told me that most people didn't have as organized an idea as I did, nor did as much work prior to coming as I did. More questions. He said I either had GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) or Adult ADD, which is ridicu, oh look a squirrel. j/k. From what he was saying, I was more GAD than ADD, but we couldn't be sure. He also said that for SOME people, taking the GAD drugs for a year "reset" their arousal issues, and they were able to get off it. We left it with me getting anti-anxiety meds and setting up counseling sessions. Part of me feels better just knowing I'm doing something. Well at least you have closure. Focus on the now and the future! Everyone has anxiety to some extent; so I wouldn't worry about that. I'm taking meds for anxiety (anti d's) they're ok; you may have a couple of weeks to adjust to them and if you don't then you can try others. Counseling along with taking the meds is good! At least he didn't just fob you off with meds. Your friends and family will notice a difference in you; for the good. Contact me any time for advice. Link to comment
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