You guys were right!

[Fleasle]

Well, my ex and I broke up on 2-9-10. She was the dumper. I thought I MIGHT kill myself as I was sooooooooooo distraught and all I did was cry, not eat, not sleep, miss work, and repeatedly send her texts and emails since she wouldn't take my calls or meet with me in person. I have never in my life felt more like it was the end of my world. I not only lost her, but her 5 year old son as well. You guys recommended NC, I tried it and failed miserably. I would send texts and emails weekly and usually get either a very hostile response, or, no response at all. Finally, she pissed me off enough that I thought, "Im going to really do NC this time". And, I did! For 32 days I did not initiate any contact with her, she did initiate contact with me but only to discuss her removing her belongings from my house. After finally conquering NC and lurking here and reading all the postings, I have finally moved on !! I have finally let her go! I have finally stopped thinking about her 23 hours a day! And, I met someone whom I really like and we are going to go out on a date in a few weeks when she is done with finals!

 

I just want everyone here who is heartbroken beyond belief to remember, these people all know what they are talking about. Keep yourself busy, I started working out 4x a week (lost 45 pounds so far!), reading relationship books, going to therapy, reconnecting with family and friends, and I am finally back to my happy self.

 

It seems as though the light at the end of the tunnel is light years away, but you will get better! I obsessed over asking God for signs that we would reunite, prayed, cried, cried some more, sat in the dark in a deep depression praying for the strength to not kill myself. I still love her and miss her, but I would not want her back at this point.

 

It is very exciting and refreshing getting to this point. I wish you all luck !

[Speranza]

I am so glad for you! I think the great thing about sites like this is that the sheer volume of people who survive just gets to you in the end! Hope your date goes really well.

[Adge]

Well done buddy. Kudos to you!

 

A split can be the most consuming and upsetting thing to go through sometimes, but you have pulled through in a most admirable fashion. Thanks for sharing your story.

[DestinyFound]

Good for you!

 

It certainly is refreshing and freeing, too. I'm feeling a lot better than I did even a month ago (we split a little over 6 months ago, and it was one of the darkest, hazy points in my adult life-- so far-- after it first happened). It's a slow process, but we will all heal eventually. We may have set-backs, but every day gets a little easier to deal with. I actually find myself getting out more these days and enjoying the warmer weather.

[britomart]

Congratulations on your recovery and best wishes for the future.

[mmmd]

damn, make sure she sees you sans 45 pounds

[FlashEng1]

I TOTALLY needed to read this!! I am in my dark place myself right now... I don't even know the exact date where I can say "we officially broke up here..." Because it's been something that's been going on since the end of last year, and ultimately this year sometime I suggested we just go our ways because it seemed like I was affecting her too negatively to repair...

 

Now that's she's moved on and done some of the things she's done (sans a boyfriend); It's KILLLLINNGGG me...

 

My question to you Fleasle is how do you deal with that "what if" !?? It seems like all I can ask myself everyday is "What if she calls back and shes better and wants to get back." "What if I move on and I'm super happy, and she comes back or is ready for a relationship.." "What if..."

 

My God that is killing me, and at this very moment I'm going through EXACTLY everything you have just listed: Praying, crying, no eating (I have only eaten half a burger and a bag of popcorn in a week now), I am just sick to my STOMACH!

[AutumnBorn]

Flash, I'm glad that you found this site. It's exactly where you need to be right now.

 

As always, time does wonders for healing, but there's a lot you can do to help move it along. Do you want some suggestions?

 

1. Make a list of every transgression, insult, and injury from your ex. It should be a detailed list. (My goal was 20 reasons I should be happy he's gone. I stopped at 152 and came up with a few more after I thought I was finished. Seeing it there in my own hand, it seemed strange to me that I put up with so much pain and his arrogance.)

 

2. Start a raging journal. Every time you need to let her know how you're feeling, grab the notebook and write an entry. I started a journal of "letters" to my ex - all the raging and purging that I wanted to direct toward him, but couldn't because I was not initiating any contact. I filled a composition book.

 

3. In a separate composition book, write daily affirmations. Every day for weeks and weeks I wrote things like "The wounds are healing. I'm becoming whole again." "I am an intelligent, beautiful woman who is worthy of deep, passionate love." Sometimes I wrote down my dreams and prayers for the future, thanking universal forces in advance for the good things that are coming my way.

 

4. If what you're doing isn't working, do something new. Literally, do something new. Take a class, join a film club, take up violin or the sax, ballroom dancing. These things will force you to think of something other than your pain. During your class or club, or while you're practicing, you'll be concentrating on something else.

 

5. Get revenge. Become the best version of yourself. Change everything. When you run into her on the street or at a party, you have to have to be fascinating and make her think of you as the one who got away. This means possibly getting a new hair cut, dressing for success, doing interesting things, volunteering in your community in an organization that serves the homeless or poor (this will help you realize that your suffering could be worse). You need to be able to appear whole and healed so the image she has of you in her head is obliterated after she sees and talks to you. Make her see and believe that your relationship ending was the best thing that ever happened to you. Make this your mission. Make her regret losing you by turning out to be the man of her dreams.

 

6. Throw yourself into work or school. My doing this resulted in two raises and huge bonuses. Make yourself indespensible. If you're a student, think about running for some kind of student office, go out and meet everyone, introduce yourself and get to know people (join political groups, chess club, Circle K, whatever) so you are THE man to know. You'll find yourself with so many new friends you won't have time to sit at home and cry - you'll be busy going to events and parties.

 

7. Force yourself to go out at least twice a week. It's hard to cry in public. I've done it, but I found a way to stop pretty quickly.

 

8. Post here. You'll find strength and support from those who've been where you are now.

 

 

My husband of many, many years moved out two years and nine months ago. I mourned for two years. I was the living dead. It wasn't until the day I realized I couldn't change the past, but I could impact my future and did the above that I started to live again. I wish I'd done those things earlier. I look and feel incredible. You will, too, if you initiate your own chrysallis, too.

[FlashEng1]

AutumnBorn, thank you SOOO much! I am writing this down and giving it my all.. Especially after what JUST happened... (long story). Thank you once again!!!