*My first time HERE* and hope my last....

[no1lik3m3]

Hey guys...

Im a 21 year old female that was in a 3 year relationship. We lived together for like 2 1/2 years. Long story short, we broke up 5 months ago and I cried, humiliated myself, called him and he didnt pick up, looked at his aim and facebook and myspace and found out he was dating another girl after a week that we had broken up. He was Happy or so made it seem. So I decided I was better than that. I went on different sites, met new people, and forgot a little about him because hey what can I do if he had a girlfriend. We always kept in touch though. Mind you, I LOVE THIS GUY. In mid February, we decided to get back together because "we loved each other" but he got worst. He disrespected me, talked to other girls online, chose his friends and "job" first.

 

SOOO I DONT WANT TO BORE YOU GUYS TO DEATH.....2 weeks ago I hit up one of his female "friends" on facebook and asked her if she was with him cuz the girl basically STALKED his facebook and I hated that. Well, apparently they talked and he called me that same night and told me to let it go. He deleted me from everywhere. I felt horrible. The day after we broke up, I called him and he said to do him a favor and not call him anymore. (He was pissed)... and to this day it has been 12 days of No Contact at all. From neither of us.

 

I know every situation is different...but he has never gone this long without contacting me in the past when we broke up. Do you think this time is really over? I mean, from my part I WILL NOT HUMILIATE MYSELF again by calling him so I know that wont happen. It hurts but I gotta understand that I'm still breathing aren't I. I Love him but if he cant realize how much Im worth then maybe he's not worth it and it will take him being with someone else to realize that.

What do you think...do you think he probably found someone else thats keeping him entertained or did he really just say its over by telling me not to call him. urgh I hate break ups!

[AJEDrew7]

Welcome. It takes two people to make a relationship work...and obviously he doesn't want that. It seems like he can't make up his mind and he kind of just wants to play the field and jump around girl to girl. He's not worth your time or effort. As hard as it's gunna be, you need to move on. You deserve to be treated well and have a guy be completely committed to you and he isn't giving you that...

[Cal Lily]

He might be into the newness of another lady right now, to build his self esteem and divert his feelings for you, but will she stand the test of time after 3 years; let alone a few months?

 

Give him the chance to feel what it is to be without your attention (positive or negative). If unresolved problems wrecked your relationship with him; they will surface with the new lady too.

 

I would try this if I were you:

 

Be nice and respectful to both him and his new lady(s). Be a friend. Show him the person he originally fell in love with. Once your pressure is off, he will have time to feel your loss, which apparently he hasn't experienced yet. It may take a little time for him to feel the loss of you, which is probably buried deep down in his manly soul. But once it surfaces, be prepared.

 

I will pray for you. Looks like you got a good chance. You haven't been broken up very long.....I think there is hope. Be patient. Good luck !!!

[britomart]

Sounds like after you guys got back together, he didn't feel as committed anymore. My condolences OP.

 

Give yourself time to heal. If he's someone else you have to let him go. As hard as it is, you'll need to accept that it's "over."

 

Imho, it's best to keep things just between you and your ex. I did something akin to what you did because I was so desperate, and it made me feel like crap after she mentioned it to my ex, and he got p*ssed.

[prada]

Time heals everything. I am in a similar situation, my ex told me to never call him and then THE OTHER DAY he is with his NEW GF! then after a couple weeks, i heard he was with her LONG before. So you have to keep busy and try and forget about it. Im at 1 yr since the break up and it still hurts. i am now trying to boost my self esteem. it sucks yes, but u have to keep ur chin up! and NEVER CALL HIM AGAIN! dont do it, dont keep on hurting yourself. PLease. you are worth more. we are here for you hunny!

[Scorpio_Less]

When he told you to not call him, he really means to say "I'm pissed off and want you to stop calling me... but really, if you do stop calling I'm not going to like it, because I want to know that you're still there and that you still care"

 

You'll have to trust me on this one. I'm a guy, and anytime a girl has ignored me, it has made me crazy - even if I was the one who broke it off.

 

So in this situation, if you do really want this guy back, then the best thing for you to do is NOT CALL. I can almost guarantee that if you stop giving him attention, he's going to notice sooner rather than later and reach back out to you.

 

I still think you need to consider what the long term implications are of this strategy though. Do you really think he will change?

[no1lik3m3]

thanks guys u are soooo comforting right now.

1st Id like to say that I doubt he'll change...I miss him but i dont think I want to get back with him.

2nd IM AFRAID to look at his myspace or facebook because I know the things I'll see will hurt me.

 

I dont know guys, I want him to call me so I can at least feel like he wants to know Im ok even if I decide not to pick up. I doubt he'll call any time soon. urgh he's on my mind ALL DAY, im just pretty good at hiding the phone so I dont call him.

 

and honestly guys....it's been 13 days of No Contact so I think he moved on. I dont even think he remembers me anymore. That is the frustrating part

[Scorpio_Less]

 

and honestly guys....it's been 13 days of No Contact so I think he moved on. I dont even think he remembers me anymore. That is the frustrating part

 

So in my younger days I was dating a girl for a long time (5 years)... I moved away for school, she stayed in our home town... shortly after school started life changed for me, and I broke up with her. I devastated her.

 

I played the games, sent her the texts hoping she would respond, yada yada...

 

She did give me attention for a while, but eventually she cut me off completely.

 

I haven't spoken to or seen this girl in ~5 years, but I can tell you that I still think about her and wonder how she's doing, and I feel bad that I was never able to apologize for how I treated her near the end.