He says he needs a break, but?

[kmboyer]

So basically I have been dating my bf (25) for three years. We did long distance for 1.5 and been living in the same town for the last 1.5. Honestly, this is the best relationship that I have had and couldn't imagine my life without him.

 

Saying that, the last couple of months have been a little rough - put downs, bickering, etc. He said he needed a break and that was over three weeks ago. Since then I have made every attempt to not initiate contact and he contacts me and I do answer the phone.

 

When he said he needed a break, he said that he needed time to work on himself and things in his life that he had been neglecting. He travels a lot for work and thought that it would be unfair to me because of the lack of attention I would get....

 

After a couple of weeks of devistation, I pulled myself together and have been keeping busy, but he has been on my mind daily. He called...oh gosh, what do I do...of course I answer and we chat and it is fairly comfortable. I said "I miss you" so did he, but added "I don't miss fighting". We have also been e-mail a little, I want him to know I think about him.

 

Well in the last couple of days, we have been spending tons of time together and fooling around and sleeping at eachothers houses. He just left on a trip and seemed a bit distant this morning. I told him that I respect any decision that he makes and that taking a step back makes me realize all of the foolishness we have gone through lately.

 

The problem I am having is that I can not seem to read him enough to know if he is coming back to me, or just trying to figure out if he wants. Here is the e-mail I sent him earlier...

 

Hey you,

 

Hope all is good in LA and you made it safe and sound. Thanks for yesterday....it was good to spend time with you and have smiles.

 

I realize that the last couple of months have been a little messed up to say the least. There have been things said and done on both sides that have been hurtful and bottom line unnecessary...I guess these are growing pains and you have to fall down and make mistakes in order to learn and fix things, not only between us as lovers and best friends, but also in our own lives to grow as people.

 

I meant what I said when I told you I would wait for you to sort out what you need. I respect that you need this time and I am confident in the end, we will be better off together because we took a step back. I trust in your instincts and please trust in mine when I say I love you and will be there for you. You are too important to me to give up on. Work hard, have fun and remember you are always in my heart.

 

Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole.

 

 

I know this is long and I appreciate any insight. This is my love and the man I want to be with....

[DragonGirl724]

this is exactly how things were with me. IM me when u get this via AOL Instant Messenger!! we have a lot to talk about. way too much to type here. hope to hear from you.

 

-DG724

[buckbergson]

My situation is so similar to yours....my ex needed space even though our relationship was amazing.....the best thing I did was give it to her, as much as it hurt....I realized that if she wanted to be with me she would be...just try and be yourself and if it is meant to be it will...i know how you feel when you say you can't imagine your future without him.....each day will get a little easier...he will one day realize how much he misses you...it may take time...but you shouldn't wait for that day to come...try and move on with your life without him and stay busy....you can do it......i didn't think i would be able to but i am doing it, even though it still hurts.. good luck.

[RayKay]

I know exactly how you feel - I am not going to write it all since it is too much. But in my case we are not on break...but break up. There are hopes on both our sides for a second chance again in future (as in a year from now or more) but in the meantime friendship is all that can be promised. Like you, it was an awesome relationship, and I love him with all I have...but he is just not ready for so many reasons for that and started to pull away and pick fights with me. In my case, and perhaps in yours...they start looking for a way out, and pick fights over stupid things, or start looking for negative even if there is none.

 

I am not sure of your guy's history, but mine has almost always been in relationships, and he really needs to stand on his own two feet and gain some inner strength before he can fully commit. He has only recently realized - through talking to me and post breakup, that the problems really are him, and not me at all as he knows I am awesome. He misses me and loves me, but knows he needs to be alone for a while before he can be ready and there for anyone else. He is going through a mid 20s crisis, and it does hurt me, but I support him and am working hard to keep the friendship, and keep my foot in the door for the future we are both "open to" at this time. Fingers crossed!

 

My advice to you - if he needs to go, let him go. If you don't, he could resent you later on and you will go through this again. If he is to be with you, wouldn't you want him to be fully committed, his heart totally into it - ready to get through the problems? If my ex came back today....I am not sure I could accept it, because it has not been long enough (though I am lucky in I know he has set himself a year of singleness (some dating, but NO relationships with anyone). So, if he needs to, let him go. I know it is very hard, but you can't hold on to someone who needs to be alone. Sometimes it is just a matter of time, and they come back again later...sometimes not. Whatever is meant to be will be. You don't have to shut him out of your life entirely - keep the lines of communication open, but don't give pressure and let him be. Trust in the love you share to be strong enough to go through the distance. I know it is really hard. I really do. But don't give up faith in yourself, and your love. Respect his decision whatever it is. Even if it kills you inside. If the love is strong, he won't forget about you. Be strong, and good luck.

 

 

Oh, and you can do what I do and also pray the dating pool is really really swampy and/or he wakes up one day in the future and realizes how damn stupid he REALLY was! (Mine already knows he is mental/dumb...but still feels he has to do this anyway..sigh!)

[Mun]

Is there any way you can unsend the letter? Remember he is the one that broke up with you. Why give him the assurance that you will be there when he is ready? Who is reassuring you? Try to let him go but let him go completely ( at least on your side and he will notice). Long love letters will feel like pressure and I am not sure they will bring good results. Let me know if it does

 

When a man leaves we need to let him go. Not chase after him as if life ends because he is not here. And sending him long letters: thats chasing after him. It's so emotionally painful to fool around with someone when they are no longer committed to you, why do it? Protect your heart. He left and you really don't know if he is coming back to you ( yet) that can be scary, especially after all that closeness.

Staying busy is a good thing. It does not mean you dont think about him or miss him but your best bet is to let him contact you first, always. Let him be the one to initiate things. He will feel better about it too. He wont feel crowded or pressured, he will feel like " damn I wonder what she is up to " and he will call. If he does not then he didnt deserve you and you will know. But you won't know if tomorrow He was going to "change his mind" if today You are the one calling him. Why not let him have some initiative and see how much he is willing to work for this relationship.

Let him miss you.

Love

[OceanEyes]

Yeah, Muneca is right. I think both of you are holding on ... holding onto something that may or may not still be there.

 

There's one thing I know for sure, from experience not only in friendships but in romantic relationships: you will make the effort to be with someone if you really want to be. He's telling you that it's "not fair to you" that he's going to be spending so much time on business trips and will not be able to give you enough of his time. While this is sensible, I can't help but state the obvious: if you really love each other, and he really wants to make things work, it just goes without saying that you'll stick by him, even if he's busy.

 

I've seen relationships where both people are so busy ... with work and school, everything, and were still 100% committed to their unions and willing to make every effort to make things work. If a relationship is really meant to be and both peoples' hearts are in it, that's how it works. You don't put people on hold because you're 'thinking of their needs', you do it for your own.

 

I don't think that this man is worth you investing your heart in emotionally at this point. I think I would let him go for the time being ... pursue your own responsibilities and interests, even if it's the hardest thing you've ever had to do.

[kmboyer]

I appreciate all of the responses. Things are good between us, he is traveling and making a lot of effort toward me.

 

I think this is going to be chalked up to a bump in the road....there isn't a lack of love and respect between us and that is what's important.

[OceanEyes]

Sometimes guys just need some time to 'come around'.

 

Sounds good then!! Hope everything works out!!