Signs ex sees you as a friend vs. testing the waters for possible reconciliation

[lemon_meringue]

This is the part that confuses me. I'm in that awkward phase where my ex and I are in contact again, but I don't know where he stands anymore.

 

In the last meeting with him, I sensed that he still had some feelings by his gestures.It's been months since we actually spoke, so he wouldn't be aware I still have feelings.

It's like that pink elephant in the room where neither of us want to bring up where we stand

 

I know the best way is to ask him, but I'm curious on ENA input for certain signs to look out for?

 

I was thinking of flirting and seeing how he responds to my advances.lol.

[jbrooklyn]

who was the one who ended the relationship?

[lavenderdove]

I never understand why people go to such lengths to just AVOID communicating directly with the person. Communication is what keeps a relationship healthy and both people grounded in reality rather than fantasy.

 

If you've seen him a few times and still feel the spark, then i'd start a conversation about whether he thinks the breakup was a mistake, or whether he can see you two ever getting back together and see what he says. Then be honest about your own hopes/expectations, and see what he says.

[lemon_meringue]

who was the one who ended the relationship?

 

He ended it, but I caused the breakup. He was being emotionally hurt in the relationship, and had to exit.

 

I never understand why people go to such lengths to just AVOID communicating directly with the person. Communication is what keeps a relationship healthy and both people grounded in reality rather than fantasy.

 

If you've seen him a few times and still feel the spark, then i'd start a conversation about whether he thinks the breakup was a mistake, or whether he can see you two ever getting back together and see what he says. Then be honest about your own hopes/expectations, and see what he says.

 

I should, but it's that fear of rejection again. I know we will work out now, I have no doubt in my mind. I have made some major changes over the last couple months, and I think he is starting to notice.

 

Can't I just flirt and see how he responds??

[stu1973]

I'm not sure why I keep handing out advice seeing as I'm rubbish at relationships, but here goes!

 

I think you have to start from scratch, treat your next meet like a first date, next one like a second date, and so on. You run the risk of ruining things if you start relationship talk at this stage, it may feel like walking on egg shells. Then once you are in a better place, and you feel you need to discuss things in your relationship past in order to move on, then go for it.

 

The main thing is if you've made major changes, that'll help with what broke you up, then that's great, and even better that he notices them, because you don't want to go down the "i've change!" route.

 

But personally speaking I'd keep these meetings going, taking baby steps, getting to know each other once again, bit of flirting and make sure these changes come to the fore. I do think launching into a discussion about making it work again could work against you.

 

But then again, I'm rubbish at relationships!

[lavenderdove]

Of course you can just flirt and see what happens, except that plenty of people flirt with no intention of taking it farther than flirting.

 

And you can think you're on the way to getting back together, and he's just playing, having fun, or thinking that you're nice flirty friends.

 

So if you're more comfortable with that, flirt for awhile, but don't assume anything until he actually asks you on a date or tells you he wants to get back together.