Healing from a rough breakup.

[rtyre2]

Okay, so this is my situation. Shes not my first "real" relationship, I dated someone for 2 1/2 years before her actually. I am 23 and just now getting out of a relationship that started in August 2008. This is the first person I ever lived with though, we lived together from January 2009 to 3 weeks ago. I had some serious issues when we first moved in together and put a lot of mental abuse on her; which I started to realize about 7-8 months ago really started becoming a better man. Especially New Years time I made it my personal resolution to be a better man. I went from a man who didn't give affection, do anything really for her, and starting tons of arguments. To being a compassionate, friendly, and helpful person in our relationship; and tried to get her out with me doing things.

 

Well when we split the first weekend in April, within 2 weeks she was on a weekend long camping trip with another man, and yeah we know what happened that weekend sexually. We were not communicating at this point, and we opened the lines of communication again a few days after she returned from her trip; but not living with me. I finally cut the cord last-night because I know I need to heal and I know she is not IN love with me anymore, but I know I am IN love with her.

 

I've done a tour in Iraq, and I know I've delt with mentally tough situations before, but for some reason with this I cant clear my mind. It's hard to just get out of bed in the morning and I've become soooo lazy just around the house. I just need some help. Oh yeah to point out when I got out of the military I moved to this town to be with her, because this is where she went to college before moving out to Hawaii to be with me. So when we broke up I lost all my friends here because they were hers to begin with. School just ended for the semester so I can't really go and make friends in class; and I still have about 50 days left in my lease. It's hard spending so much time alone. Advice people? Ty so much for reading this!

[misssmithviii]

I'm so sorry... I know this must be very hard on you - especially with how she was your first to live with (and that IS a big commitment to suddenly lose), but it will be ok, and you will overcome this.

 

For starters, set an alarm for earlier in the morning - don't let yourself sleep in. I'm sure since you were in the military, waking up at 5am and jogging at least 3 miles isn't out of the norm ;] But instead, just wake up early and exercise, get your mind off of things - jogging outside preferably. It really helped me get over my first hard breakup.

 

Make your days busy, and you will soon realize you haven't even thought of her all day!

But most of all, do not talk to her at all - do not contact her. Do not look her up online at all, cut her out of your life completely and begin focusing on yourself - trust me... it will get better.

^_^

[sigmond freud]

well I am a few years older than you...and i am in the same boat...its a tough road we are plowing right now...Missy is a pretty smart chick tho...keep busy..its hard to get motivated,,,but we must

[rtyre2]

Yeah I've been staying up till 4am and waking up at 1-2pm in the afternoon. I have been crazy active in the gym since my split though because I lost some size getting out of the military, but I've been putting it back on like crazy since the split.. I look healthier physically since the breakup, but I am not mentally. I started my NC journey today and set myself a 60 day minimum goal. I need to do the morning thing though like you said. I had to wake up at 5am everyday in the military

[misssmithviii]

I was in a youth military program and I remember when we'd go on encampments - how much waking up early and exercising felt so good

 

The mental part of this will come in time, try reminding yourself (anytime the thought of her enters your mind) how great you're doing, how fickle she proved to be to so quickly go to another man - that shows issues with HER not you, remember that... remember you changed for the better and you did your upmost, you two just weren't compatible enough, and there's nothing really wrong with that - you will find someone who is compatible, who loves every single part of you.

 

[[to sigmond freud, thank you for the compliment]]

[sphx26]

When I was going through a rough breakup(this is my first time being dumped by someone; the fact that it all happened online made it more horrible than I would like to think) which is a couple months ago, I felt so alone. Even if I talked to friends and family about it, I feel that something is missing. Well, it's a good thing I found this site and learned so many things, as well as support from people who has gone through the same thing. I never thought I'd be over her, but I am getting there.

 

Yes, I must echo what is being said here. Do the NC and stick to it. Cry every now and then, for me, crying lets me see things clearly, then do whatever it is that you enjoy doing, with friends or alone, whichever you prefer. I agree, jogging is beneficial! Just know that you are not alone and we are here to support you. There are lots of threads on here which I've found useful, you might want to check on those. Take care!

[rtyre2]

Thanks for your support guys, most people I talk to really cant relate to my situation, and I've been skimming this site when I have the urge to speak to her so I can keep this NC going. Shes very determined that I'm a bad person so I know she wont regret her choice of leaving me. But I changed her outlook on life, got her priorities straight and made her change her grades in school. So I did my part in making her become a better person. So its w/e; she can now go hop around to a few guys who look at her for 1 thing.

[sigmond freud]

Hey we all are helping each other...i think right now. Def...no contact is the best...I think I am at like 42 or so now...and getting better..

 

and Missy...you are more than welcome...just calling it as I read it..

[rtyre2]

sigmond when does it get easier to deal with NC? My hardest thing like I said is im living OUR apartment, and living in HER college town so I have literally 0 friends like I stated they were all her friends.. so all I really have is myself to lean on till I move.. and what sucks is we both will be living in the same town again when I move because shes going back to her parents house till she gets accepted at a new college for the radiology program and it might not even happen for another year. Nightlife there is small so when I go out to downtown theres always like a 50% ill run into her.

[misssmithviii]

Thanks for your support guys, most people I talk to really cant relate to my situation, and I've been skimming this site when I have the urge to speak to her so I can keep this NC going. Shes very determined that I'm a bad person so I know she wont regret her choice of leaving me. But I changed her outlook on life, got her priorities straight and made her change her grades in school. So I did my part in making her become a better person. So its w/e; she can now go hop around to a few guys who look at her for 1 thing.

 

That's a good mindset to keep ;]

 

You seem to be taking this in a healthy way, keep up NC and keep her out of your mind.

[sigmond freud]

dude i am in the exact same sit...i moved 2 provinces to be with her...transferred my job...i left everything to go where i know no one other than work friends...it is not a big city ...and i am scared to run into her...my heart will sink...it has not been easy...and actually i have been to naturopath doctors, councillors, all have helped but here has been great...Also have done alot of research as to change the way i think...some of the thoughts i have...I now use 2 techniques...the stop thought tech...and i have a rubber band on my wrist right now...and when i have a bad or hurtful thought about her..or what she is doing...ect..whatever it may be ...i snap that fricken band ...lol leaves a good welt...but i will program my mind not to have her on my head the whole day...i am with you bro...

[rtyre2]

Yeah I heard about the rubberband technique. I'm pretty sure she will never attempt to contact me again; from us keeping contact open for the whole month after our split we kinda started pushing each other away. So I would say my life with her in is totally over most likely which is hard because she is the person who helped me transition from military to normal life

[sigmond freud]

i know bro...I still feel I lost the best thing that has ever come my way too...She did stupid things...and so did I..You know some people bring the best out in eachother...some bring out the worst...i happen to fall in love with a beautiful woman ..that brought out the worst...and I did for her...and the rubber band thing ..works....look up the stop thought...it works too..

[rtyre2]

sigmond this is the outlook we have to force ourselves to have. Look around the world.. theres billions of people HAPPY in their LIVES without knowing mine and yours previous significant other... meaning we can be too; we are being very single minded and thinking they are the only ones when its not true; we gotta bounce back!

[rtyre2]

The temptations to contact her today are hardddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

[misssmithviii]

Ah!!! No contacting her!!! She's not worth your time and energy.

 

^_^

[rtyre2]

Ah!!! No contacting her!!! She's not worth your time and energy.

 

^_^

 

I haven't she actually signed on Yahoo Messanger today, when I was on for a few min.. and normally she just cycles on and off for like 2 seconds; but I know she sat on it hoping I would message her or to mess with me. So I just signed off. Sucks when shes living only 10min away

[misssmithviii]

Delete her as a contact then

[rtyre2]

Day #3 of NC and its hardddddddd; still pondering what she might be up to, or what her cinco de mayo plans may be... Go away pain!

[misssmithviii]

She's not thinking about you, so stop thinking about her!

^_^

[sigmond freud]

those thoughts and feelings will not go away to soon...I am sorry to say...but dont do it brother,,,..dont do it...

[rtyre2]

I'm trying my best not to think about it, I turn on music and it normally calms my mind. I can't even enjoy watching TV anymore so I don't because that was our past time when we were inside the house

[rtyre2]

So like 99% certain my ex was at the bar RIGHT next door to my gym while I was at the gym tonight; was so hard to not scan the parking lot looking for her car, or go inside to look. But I know how her roommates are now, and I know it was like a big end of semester party at that bar.... Now all I want to do is go on her myspace and check her facebook status from her facebook sticker she has on it.. FIGHTING THE URGE!! AHHHHHHHHHH sigmond freud was able to help me for a few hours and keep my mind off of it but now hes zzzzzzzzzz

[misssmithviii]

EH! Stop thinking about her!

 

Don't look at her myspace or her facebook, delete her if you have her as a friend on either. She doesn't care about you or what you're thinking of and all you're doing it torturing yourself, so quit it bro ;]

[rtyre2]

EH! Stop thinking about her!

 

Don't look at her myspace or her facebook, delete her if you have her as a friend on either. She doesn't care about you or what you're thinking of and all you're doing it torturing yourself, so quit it bro ;]

 

Blocked the facebook awhile back, and deleted my myspace. But then I realized her myspace wasn't on private so I can still view it.. But I haven't looked at it so far; im doing good at keeping the urge off