7 months later and thinking very clearly

[Spondence]

Well it'll be 7 months on the first of may since my very painfull breakup. (She cheated and pulled an instant switcheroo, no talk no nothing) One day breakup, next day NC since. Most horrible thing that I've ever had to deal with.

 

So anyway I spent these last 7 months going on a dating spree basically. I've dated all kinds of girls, had little rs's and so forth...mini vacations. All of which did not work out and just continued to rip open my wounds that I was trying to heal yet at the same time trying to mask.

 

So since the last gf of almost 3 months broke up I'm finally just fed up. I'm over the original breakup but I realize there is still so much work to do on me that I just did not give myself the chance to do...

 

I do not even care about having a gf at this point. I realize why I was doing it now...all I want to do is spend the next 3 months just being me without having a gf to confuse me and inhibit my progress.

 

It has taken me so long to get to this point. I realize that I was scared to be alone and face my demons. Well not any longer...I don't need some awesomely hot babe all over me to make me feel good about myself or confident. The loving girls will always be there and right now it's finally time for me to get my s#$% together.

 

Just thought I'd post something positive in this swamp of negativity...

[Lavender25]

Glad you're on the right track, Spondence. It's been about 10 months (WOW, just realized) since my ex and I broke up and 7 months of complete NC. He and I were together on/off for 7 years and not long after the break up he got into a rebound relationship with a friend of mine from work (they're still together... been about 6 months). I was so heartbroken and I have never felt a pain like that before in my life. For the first few months all I could think about was how to make it all better and get him back, but once he got with HER I started looking at it differently.

 

I also got in a relationship with someone else for a brief period and dated sporadically after that. Then it got to the point where I was just sick of meeting guy after guy and not having anything in common with them. I decided to start focusing more on myself, school, looking for a new job, a new place to live, and just having fun.

 

I still think about him every day but instead of getting sad about the negative things that happened in our relationship, I feel at peace with the happy memories. I think I've almost come to the point where I've realized that the person I miss so much doesn't exist anymore. There's just someone out there that looks like him, talks like him, etc. but isn't him because he's completely changed. The man I was in love with would've never done those things to me and I know I deserve better.

 

Best wishes to all of those out there that are in pain.

[Brigadoon]

Excellent post! You can't put a price on self awareness...

[sidehop]

Awesome post, great to hear you're doing well. Keep it up!

[fLuiD]

Keep up the good work! I think you made a mistake that a lot of us make and that is to try and date to get over the break up. This can work, but it tends to bring unresolved issues from your prior relationship into your new one. After a break up, you should be come a conceited self absorbed son of a gun so you can improve yourself and come out a better person.

[Spondence]

After a break up, you should be come a conceited self absorbed son of a gun so you can improve yourself and come out a better person.

 

 

 

This is so true...thanks for the reply's everybody. Yes I've been changing alot lately. I seem to be on some sort of spiritual journey of personal growth, one that I haven't exactly chosen for myself but after this last fling ending, I am just so done with the whole thing. I don't want to try and do this anymore...and by 'this' I guess I mean live up to the ideals of a perspective from yesteryear. Which basically is to find a girl, get married, have kids, be happy or miserable but try to find peace and that's it.

 

I have a very nice long Island lifestyle with my own home, a good job, education, family, friends, fun hobbies and activities...you know the whole bit. The one thing that is ever so unstable is the relationship...it's not like business, assets or property...you cant own or control it and it can end at any moment without warning and throw your whole world into a tivvy...

 

 

Well, I realize now that I've been in two basic modes for most of my 20's (which are just about over) --***(just had another epiphany!)

 

The two modes are:

 

A)In a relationship

 

B)Hurting/Hunting (i.e recovering from a breakup whilst looking for a new r/s)

 

It's true that I've grown through these woman...they've shaped me and each one is better than the last. I just feel like I'm tired of having to be some all american boy with a loving family or in perfect shape all the time or make tons of money or never make a mistake because for some reason little mistakes seem so large when it's easier to find a new r/s these days then let go of your pride to forgive in the one you have.

 

I guess what I mean is the world is a diffrent place then the one the folks used to know. they stayed together thru the worst of things and times...I remember how it was as a kid in that enviorment...it instilled an ideal in me of what a family should be like and how I should act and so forth.

 

Now with such a long seemingly endless string of ex-gf's in my life I'm starting to wonder why hell it just doesn't work out.

 

the divorce rate is now 50%...what if it was just one percent higher. at 51% then it's certainly not in anyones favor to get married. ( I know in reality it's always a coin toss) But the modern mindset always devalues old values, it's just the way it is. Is it an old idea? An old world tradition perhaps that is progressively losing it's value? Am I becoming a bit rambly with my new found free time at night?

 

Well, some chick that I know has asked 'me' on a date tomorrow (yes of course I'm going) and you know what I could take it or leave it...very frankly I wouldn't mind not having to be Mr. ****'n perfect for some other girl that will take me for spin till she's bored than simply has to glance in another direction to be swept up by a seemingly more perfect person. (can you taste a bit of my bitterness?...I promise you it is truly ever so suttle as I've done previous work on that)

 

Well I guess what I mean is I'm actually glad to be single. In addition I've eaten a lot of donuts from dunkin donuts lately (like at 3 in the morning when I cant sleep I drive over there)

 

And you know what, ha!...I don't really care....(well actualy I do and since it's starting to show I guess may 1 it's back to business)

 

Anyway I'm doing it for me now. Here's the conclusion I've come to..

 

When I have that beautiful loving girl to come home to, or go about with...I know the sense of confidence it gives me and how great it makes me feel about myself...(that I should have such a luxury)...well I want to get myself to that point. Without the girl. As high as I've ever been in life, when I literally was having my cake and eating it too, I distinctly recall the feeling. I want to bring myself to that point and have that as my default setting without anyone else around then when I'm were I want to be I will think about another r/s.

 

I know I'm getting there because after this recent breakup it's just different. I'm only feeling positive about my situation and that's usually the mindset right before my life takes a very big step forward in a good direction.

 

So...I'm almost 30...not so sure how the family thing is gonna work out...but at least everything else is going pretty great.

 

---this is a bit rambly long, however this for me is another step in my healing and growth, and also most people here are fresh with the pain of breakup...for me it's been 7 months since the worst one ever (and 5 weeks since the last lol) so my perspective may be different....anyways thanks for reading if you did. Take care.

[kelly155]

It's good that you got to the point where you realize that you need to work on you & finding your own happiness instead of finding it in someone else.

 

I think a lot of people coming out of a relationship are like you....they want to find someone to replace the hurt/pain/feelings instead of being by themselves.