emotional infidelity with someone she's never met on the int

[derek_w]

on the internet....

 

Here is my problem. Been dating my girl for ~2 years. 2 or so months ago, she suggested we start an 'open relationship'. I said OK as long as we are honest with each other about other "doings". I had to pry the fact that she was with (didnt sleep with) 2 other guys, and considered that cheating. Because she broke the rules. Then I took the upper hand and said - Im out unless we drop this open relationship. She felt bad about not telling me about the other guys and agreed to go back to a "closed" relationship. I lost a lot of trust in her and still dont completely trust her, but today we're still together. So thats some background.

 

There is some guy she knows on the net thru some poetry list. Lets call him Matt. She's never met Matt 'cause he lives in South Carolina and we're in Boston. She's mentioned to me that he writes he all sorts of stuff in email, stories, poems, etc. One was a 15page letter(she told me about). He wrote her a friendster testimonial and from the look of it, I got suspicious. It was very flattering, especially for someone who she's never met. This guy has a way with words. One day she checked her email from here and forgot to log out, or the cookie hadn't expired. I saw tons of letters from him and most of them were "lovey", some were even signed "love". One had his new phone # in it. I asked her about this, not letting her know I saw her email and she said "well, ive never met him, i only know him from the net". WTF. I don't know what she writes back to him, but she must be beause he writes a lot to her. And many of the emails had the little "replied to" icon next to them. I want to email this guy (have his friendster info) and tell him to STFU. Also, what should I say to her? Arghhh.. what to do?

 

Oh yaeh, we're also driving to Georgia this week. One of the emails was hinting that she would come by when we were down there. Not on my watch, because I'm driving.

 

Thanks,

D

[may222]

Man you better watch ur girl.....

 

good luck and to let u know even when i am not writing e-mails to my man i still write

 

love

may on them.....

[derek_w]

to people you've never met? what about GUYS writing that to girls... I understand girls may type such things....

 

personally, I would never write "love" in an email to any of my friends who are girls.

[may222]

yeah true to ppl u never met but if she/he seems to be that person with the same attitde then that is different...if he is writing urs truly then that is a different story

[tiger_lilies]

I don't think you need to worry about the sign off "love". I think you need to worry more about where your g/f is going with all this. I don't understand why she would want an open relationship in the first place if she wasn't thinking about being with other men? She obviously wants to have you on the back burner as her "main man", but also wants to be able to flirt (via internet or whatever) with other men, but to also feel less guilty about it because she has your permission.

 

This guy who's good with his words has probably signed off "love" because they've gotten to know each other pretty well over the net.

 

You had better watch her, she sounds like she has been thinking about wanting to be with other people. If that's the case, perpare yourself.

[OceanEyes]

Why attack the guy by telling him to STFU? Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, since you haven't even mentioned that she told him that she is attached. After all, it's her who is supposed to be honouring the committment she shares with you!

 

The only positive I can point out here is that she attempted to discuss and practice an 'open relationship'. She was honest to a point, but she also lied about emotional infidelities with 2 other guys. Let me ask you something: how are you ever supposed to trust her when it continues to happen despite you and your expectations?

 

Unless you are a very understanding, forgiving and ultimately, trusting guy, how are you supposed to have a happy relationship with this girl? She's obviously not satisfied being with only one guy (you), and is constantly looking for male attention outside of your relationship, even when she knows that you don't approve.

 

Make a list, whether it be mental or physical, of the kind of relationship you want. Then make another list of the relationship you have. It always helps to evaluate what you have vs. what you want, and whether you think you can ever really have it with the person you're with.

[just_G]

Dont think that you are safe just because he lives in another state.

My husband met a woman online they chatted for months and then he flew to her state and spent a week with her.

 

They say the newest and fastest type of infedility is coming from the internet.Just keep your guard up I wish I would have and maybe I would not be in the mess I am now.

 

I have been married for 27yrs and now wondering what will I do stay or go??

 

Good luck