Moving in versus marriage.

[nimisaj]

What's better? Pros and Cons?

 

Any past stories to share?

(I'm sorry if this has been posted before... I couldn't find a thread, I odn't think there is one)

[Sanesoul]

I firmly believe that you need to live with someone before you marry them. It is only then that you will actually find out IF you can live with them and all their idiosyncrasies.

 

I did that with my husband and we've been together for ten years.

[newwave]

Depends on many factors. If you are older, I think moving in first is a bad idea. When I was younger (22) I moved in with a guy. At first it seemed cool because he was older (36) and I felt mature. In hindsight the good thing was that I can say I lived with someone. Also, I saw what he was like instead of marrying him. I lived with him for a year. Later on I moved in with someone else for about a month. I never seriously considered marrying either one.

 

Now though at my age (39) I've made the decision not to live with someone until we get engaged. I know too many people who lived together for years, and never married.

[pinkelephant]

I have no experience, but I am a geek so I read a lot of studies and apparently, couples who have lived together before marriage are more likely to fail than couples who move in after they get married. This is all theorized, but they think it's because couples who move in before marriage sees their relationship as a test drive and don't get out of the mentality once they're in the marriage. They expect to do less work than couples who move in together after marriage.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I would never marry a person without living with them first.

[greywolf]

I have no experience, but I am a geek so I read a lot of studies and apparently, couples who have lived together before marriage are more likely to fail than couples who move in after they get married. This is all theorized, but they think it's because couples who move in before marriage sees their relationship as a test drive and don't get out of the mentality once they're in the marriage. They expect to do less work than couples who move in together after marriage.

 

I read those studies too, although the studies said that once a couple had lived together for 8 years and then got married, their marriage failure rate was the same as people who got married first.

 

Honestly, I don't know how accurate these studies are. There are many factors that could skew the results. What if people who get married first are just more traditional and are opposed to divorce? The studies don't indicate whether they are happy or not.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I read those studies too, although the studies said that once a couple had lived together for 8 years and then got married, their marriage failure rate was the same as people who got married first.

 

Honestly, I don't know how accurate these studies are. There are many factors that could skew the results. What if people who get married first are just more traditional and are opposed to divorce? The studies don't indicate whether they are happy or not.

 

I don't quite understand those studies either. I think they are skewed and a lot of the people looking into it are trying to find something wrong with living together before marriage --->premarital sex.

[d24]

if you can't live with them under the same roof it's certainly better to know BEFORE you're married isn't it ;-)

 

No contest - living together before marriage every time.

[Sanesoul]

I don't quite understand those studies either. I think they are skewed and a lot of the people looking into it are trying to find something wrong with living together before marriage --->premarital sex.

 

You can find studies to "prove" anything. Doesn't mean squat to me. I know what worked in my own life.

[_Asti_]

My guy and I moved in together because we were ready for marriage. We knew that within the next year that step would come, and we were both in a position in our lives to live together comfortably and after 6 years of being together it most certainly felt right.

 

I disagree wtih the whole 'try before you buy' sort of thing. Its just the mentailty of seeing if it works that I think may set things up for failure. Or atleast a very relaxed attitude in terms of the commitment and making a large step.

 

I wouldn't move in with someone unless there was wedding plans in the near future. And if I felt like I had to test the relationship by moving in with the other person, I would definitely say that it's not time to be doing so. Thats my personal opinion.

[sidehop]

I don't quite understand those studies either. I think they are skewed and a lot of the people looking into it are trying to find something wrong with living together before marriage --->premarital sex.

 

You can find studies to "prove" anything. Doesn't mean squat to me. I know what worked in my own life.

 

I agree, statistics are just statistic unless you study virtually all umarried/married couple you can't assume they are accurate.

 

Although if you have a true committed relationship, things can always be worked out but at the same time it's good to know how the person is living together. It's a risk either way you approach it.