Emailed ex after shock, now regretting it

[britomart]

My break-up aftermath is so impossibly stupid that it embarrasses me. *sighs*

 

Anyhow, 3 days ago was our last row in which he finally messaged me, "seriously, not responding anymore. don't msg me again."

 

Yesterday, I participated in a "river re-enactment battle" where the river was stronger than anticipated and several of us, including me, were swept downstream. I was suffering from shock and mild hypothermia and not thinking straight, ended up emailing him. I didn't tell him many details - only that I nearly died unintentionally and got interviewed on TV; sorry to bother him but I was nerve-wrecked.

 

I regretted it a few hours later. After conferring with someone else, I sent another message simply saying that I was doing something where the situation worsened, wasn't thinking straight, and apologized for sending the emails. I don't expect him to respond to it.

 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 3 times, tack me on the Hall of Shame.

 

I feel like I have no will-power. I almost expect he deleted it without reading, or doesn't believe me. Why do I even expect my ex to care if I almost drowned?

 

This makes it the 3rd time I have broken deliberate NC where I was aiming to move on past him. The first time I broke down and msged him first - and he verbally killed me for only responding to 1 of his 4 emails where I wished him a nice break. The second time was after I decided to go into NC after trying tried one last time to set things straight btw us - in which he responded by being inconsiderate and quitting a game we played together in which teamwork is important. This makes the 3rd time.

 

I shouldn't care for someone like him. But I do. How can I forget about him?

[resilient7]

fool me 3 times,put me on the hall of shame,i like that,lol.i think you should say bye to this guy,he clearly doesnt have a clue on what a great person he has a the moment..its up to you to see this all move on..

best of luck brit

[Hell_On_Heels]

I think we hurt so much and we look to them to help us - even if temporarily. So we reach out, thinking they might respond because we would, if they contacted us...But, if you look at it, you've ended up hurting more each time you've tried to contact him. You're giving yourself fresh wounds. Maybe if you look at it that way, as protecting yourself, you will lose the urge to contact him. Meanwhile, journal your heart out.

 

Are you ok today? That must've been incredibly scary to nearly drown.