I feel kind of stupid...

[GenoGeno]

Ever since February 18th when my ex broke up with me. almost 2 months from now, I've been asking for my ex back knowing she get's stressed out whenever I talk to her about it....yet she always kept contacting me so i knew she really wanted to stay friends with me and I always let this boggle my mind and lead me back to pleading. Why does she keep talking to me if she gets stressed and knows i bring up the relationship every time...that must mean something...I'd say things like are you sure this is what you want? I promise it would be different...and she pretty much got to the point last night where she said I hate to be blunt with you but....I'm not interested right now...I'm sorry...so I'm finally going to do it. I told her i loved her and I hope if she finds someone else she's at least happy and said if she can't change her heart for me...I think it's best we don't talk anymore and that was that...Do you think 2 months was to much pursuing to ever fix things for me now? I won't even answer her text and calls i don't think unless it's what i want to hear. I just feel kind of stupid i let myself do this for 2 months strait almost.

[Loxxt]

Everyone makes mistakes. I definitely think those two months kinda screwed things up for you but now that you're going NC things will be different. I can't say that she'll come back or you two will be together again because there's no way to tell but this is positive. She'll have respect for you and now that you're not there pushing her she'll have to think for herself. Trust me, stick with it. It'll do wonders. Right now you're smothering her and pushing her away. You obviously want the opposite so do the opposite which is giving her all the space in the world.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah it's crazy time flew before i even knew it...it was at the two month point of asking all the time. She always said she could see us working in the future just not now because she liked taking care of her self at the moment. I don't think she'll really see all the begging and pleading as bad as time passes, just that i really did care. But, I'm hoping this NC does wonders for me cause I'm in dire need of it at this moment.

[iBroken]

Are you actually going to go NC this time? Cause you were going to try this after you read the graduation spiel.

 

I hate to be blunt, but cut this girl out of your life. She isnt interested, so stop trying. As you state, it feels foolish once you take a step and look back on things.

 

You will hear from your ex again cause she is selfish and seems to be holding on to you for her own selfish reasons (to fill that void until she meets someone new). When you hear from her, do not respond. Maybe even consider changing your number and not giving it to her LOL.

[quirky]

Your ex finds it difficult to let go because in many ways she still wants something from you. The way you are behaving now ironically again seems selfish to her. "me me me", I messed up I lost you now I want you back why can't you respond and reward me so I get my way? For all she knows this could be panic, not genuine interest to be by her side.

 

I know it's not how you feel but you're gonna have to give this time. If you want write to her a last email where you come accross composed and sincere and then go NC. In that time she might realise that she loved you despite your imperfections, you will both grow or you might both drift. I know this time is difficult, we've all been there in some way or other. I really feel for people that are at the early stages of the breakup because I remember how unbearable it all was. But sometimes we have no other choice but to deal with it and hope for the best.

[GenoGeno]

Well I was planning on going NIC after I read her my graduation spiel since then (Friday) she's been the one to contact me everytime. But sometimes she acts more hostile than other times and I'm just not up for that. I'm actually kind of pissed off. I asked why she called me at 5 in the morning and she was rude about it and said "because I wanted too, don't answer if u didn't wanna talk..." so I'll use that as fuel for my no contact. I think I can do this and it will help.

[Calvin68]

"Why does she keep talking to me if she gets stressed and knows i bring up the relationship every time...that must mean something"

 

It means she's a b*tch! She broke up with you, she knows you want her back, and yet she keeps initiating communications with you and then gets angry when you ask her to come back?? Maybe she likes the attention (shallow b*tch), maybe she likes seeing you suffer (mean b*tch) or maybe she just doesn't care (insensative b*tch). Stop asking for her back.

[Loxxt]

Exactly... As time passes she won't see it as a bad thing. If you keep at it she definitely will though. Her saying she likes taking care of herself now says a lot. I'm kinda feeling the same way right now but my ex left me for a random chick he met so it's not exactly the same. Last month my ex was contacting me going on about his love for me and trying to get me to be his friend and asking friends how to fix things/get back, etc. But he's left for the army for a year and a half so I'm trying not to think about that. I'm enjoying figuring myself out more. Hoping to be back in school soon. Focusing on myself. Use this time to do whatever you want and think about what you want. For the first month I was like a zombie. Most of the past 4 months since the break was NC. It helped a lot. He's the one who reached out to me on multiple occasions. You both need time to take a step back and breathe before moving fwd.

[shessofly]

just take it one day at a time. NIC is not working for you, so you need to take it a step further. hopefully you will find the strength to do so. don't really think you need to explain anything to her anymore. NC. NC. NC. and anytime you are tempted to answer that call or respond to that text or email, remember this thread and the way you feel right now. the way you've been handling this is not getting you anywhere - and you don't feel any better right now, so go NC and focus on YOURSELF.

[Loxxt]

You have a right to be pissed! Man I was... Leave me, screw around then try coming back too soon and ur still with her? Gah. I'd have to agree with the others tho. Right now she's content with getting your attention and doesn't want to think about the relationship. I'm guessing you don't just want to be friends so walk away for now.

[Ms Darcy]

I find it a little troubling that you start thread after thread insisting that all of this smothering must mean something (positive) to her.

[jimmajam]

"Why does she keep talking to me if she gets stressed and knows i bring up the relationship every time...that must mean something"

 

It means she's a b*tch! She broke up with you, she knows you want her back, and yet she keeps initiating communications with you and then gets angry when you ask her to come back?? Maybe she likes the attention (shallow b*tch), maybe she likes seeing you suffer (mean b*tch) or maybe she just doesn't care (insensative b*tch). Stop asking for her back.

 

LoL, I wouldn't say it like that, but I agree with the concept. She's being selfish and ignorant for continuing to contact you. She KNOWS for a fact you want her back - you've told her for 2 months now. She says she gets upset and stressed when you ask for her back. If she had any common sense she'd cut contact to get rid of her stress and stop leading you on. It's never that simple, but as the dumper you'd think if contact was causing her stress, she would go ahead and cut it like she did the relationship.

 

As for if two months of pursuing her screwed things up? It's hard to say, probably yes, but not for good. If you were persistent and that's all you talked about for the last two months then it may have or at least it will take a lot of time for her to get past that and forget those negative feelings towards you. I don't think it's ever "too screwed up" though if she still has feelings for you. Time will correct everything if the variables are still in place whether she comes back or you get over it.

[Brownstone322]

Do you think 2 months was to much pursuing to ever fix things for me now? I won't even answer her text and calls i don't think unless it's what i want to hear. I just feel kind of stupid i let myself do this for 2 months strait almost.

Dude, you went through a bad time in your life. I've been there. Don't feel stupid, because you didn't do anything stupid. You did what your heart told you to do, and your intentions were good.

 

Now, however, is the time to focus on getting your act together, and -- sure as the sun rises -- you will in fact get there. Cut her out of your life (for now) and focus on getting back to your old self, the self you were comfortable with before you met her. It comes back one day at a time.

 

 

 

 

 

And to answer your question, no, two months of grovelling does not preclude "fixing" things eventually. I've done worse, long ago. But, you have to let go and let nature take it's course. Once you do that, the rest will fall into place nicely.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah I was kind of blind the last two months, I know she is the sweetest person ever and would never hurt a single sole. I guess i always just saw the side of her when we were going out. She has been quite disrespectful and rude to me the last 2 months and she even admitted too it. But yet, she always contacted me. It just made me so confused.. It would bring so many thoughts into my head and she said she was never leading me on once but i don't even think she knew she was...like that calling me at 5:00AM in the morning thing just totally messed with my head because she always use to do that...and if you're getting home at 5:00 in the morning from clubs...wouldn't any normal person just want to sleep rather than talk to anybody especially me? A lot of my friends agreed it didn't really make sense...so I've had a lot of unhealthy thinking. She even said I'm going to have to cut ties with you if you continue with this....but jeeze women take some damn initiative yourself from seeing what I'm like...why continue with talking to me if it stresses you out. I feel pretty sad today knowing I want NC now.

[GenoGeno]

I actually haven't bawled my eyes out once until today, I've had tears but today walking home from school after the bus, I could feel it all building up inside me and as soon as i got to my house and went inside and didn't know what to do...it all just came out and I bawled like no other...this is a horrible feeling

[ev1782]

I actually haven't bawled my eyes out once until today, I've had tears but today walking home from school after the bus, I could feel it all building up inside me and as soon as i got to my house and went inside and didn't know what to do...it all just came out and I bawled like no other...this is a horrible feeling

 

Hang in there man. Things can only get easier. Give yourself time to heal... be easy on yourself. This whole NC thing is new for your heart. I started NC around 2 weeks after the breakup.

 

Im doing it, and its becoming easier, Its become A LOT easier actually,,, and i could see a future without her, but i do miss the relationship still and the things we use to and could have been doing right now,,, especially since summer is around the corner. But ive stopped asking why and stopped the what ifs and stopped the regrets.... Only God knows the future and praying to Him has helped me a lot.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah I did the worst possible thing too and went back to messages she sent in February ones that said stuff like...I was just mad, I don't actually want to break up, I love you so much...and that made it so much worse. It's like a purposely put myself through pain just to see what it used to be like...i don't get myself sometimes.

[Loxxt]

Yeah I did the worst possible thing too and went back to messages she sent in February ones that said stuff like...I was just mad, I don't actually want to break up, I love you so much...and that made it so much worse. It's like a purposely put myself through pain just to see what it used to be like...i don't get myself sometimes.

 

I did the same thing. Looking back on texts about how much they love you does nothing. I kept wondering how two days before my ex cheated and left he texted me he loved me more than anything else and I was his best friend and he wanted to spend infinity with me to.... Nothing.

 

It's nothing but reminders of what was and what isn't anymore. It digs up everything. Don't look at them and if you find yourself looking at them constantly I'd consider deleting them like I did.

[brandnewday47]

I agree with Brownstone. Don't beat yourself up for what you may or may not have done for those two months. What is done is done. You need to reclaim yourself at this point, and let the "chips fall where they may", as the old saying goes.

 

I'm five plus months in and did similar things initially, and for a while we briefly got back together... it was completely under her terms and when I couldn't meet expectations two weeks later I had to re-live the pain all over again. So to a certain degree I know what your feeling.

 

For now, I'd say just try to deal with your emotions as they come, and then soon after identify what areas you can grow in. View this as an opportunity to grow and mature... years from now you will be thankful you did. I know that it is hard to see the forest through the trees though, and there are days that I can only see the closest branch!