Can someone please help me?

[nanana]

I've posted a list before of all the things my ex did while we were together, but this is the extended version.

 

Rarely wanted to see me

Put friends first always without fail

Cancelled weekends with me often

Forgot to call whenever stoned or drunk

Ignored calls, texts and emails

Forgot about plans

Didn’t care about things that mattered to me

Ignored anniversaries

Nasty shouting down the phone for NO reason

Dumping over text, as if I meant nothing

If I said ‘I miss you’ even after a week or more he’d never say it back

Didn’t even call when I was in hospital!!!

Unsupportive

Shouted that I’m a ‘mother * * * * er’ because I called him after he told me to

Would say hurtful things for a ‘funny’ reaction

Always walked ahead as if I wasn’t there

Told lots of lies about other girls

Did plenty of actions that caused me to feel insecure

HOT AND COLD, whenever we’d had a really nice time, he’d go weird the next day

Made me feel like a burden

Got a really gross girl to send him naked photos of herself because ‘it was funny’ (he thinks I don't know about that!)

Never included me, introduced me to friends etc

Got random girls numbers on nights out (but don’t think it went beyond flirting... although I really have no idea, I just like to trust him)

All his friends were either single or cheaters

Did the whole ‘I’m not sure if I’m in love with you anymore’ and then would change his mind an hour later and say he was ‘being silly’

Finally ended up dumping me in a quick phone call while he was at work and I was sick in bed with flu

Would get angry and make me feel guilty if I asked him not to smoke weed around me (I don’t care if he does it in his own time, just not while we’re in bed)

Said ‘we’ve been going out 2 and a half years, can’t it just end now? None of my mates are still with their first girlfriend!’ when breaking up

His facebook was just full of pictures of random girls he met on nights out, or girls he'd be getting drunk in bedrooms with

If he saw me and then found out his friends were doing something better that night, he’d be in a funny mood with me the entire time

Dumped me repeatedly, each time saying things like ‘when I’m with you, I feel like I’m missing out on what my friends are doing’

 

 

I used to nag, and get insecure, and eventually fairly clingy over all these things, and instead of finding myself thinking I'm better off, I'm STILL blaming the break-up on myself. Not only that, I tell myself he only did all that stuff because I was insecure.

 

I can't cope with my own mind anymore, I'm destroying myself with blame and I sit here diagnosing myself with all sorts of problems. I even wrote him a letter this morning (THAT I DID NOT SEND) apologising for driving him away and telling him I'm so sorry for making him feel so trapped.

 

I just don't understand how he went from being so in love and AMAZING to me, to doing all these things, and I keep telling myself it's something I must have done.

 

My dad always says 'he only treats you well when it suits him, when he can be bothered'

 

I'm slowly killing myself here, please someone help me see this guy isn't great! He's still on a pedestal. I still keep thinking nobody will treat me better.

 

It's bizarre, when we were in a relationship, I kept thinking 'this guy treats me horribly, i have to get out', but as soon as he dumped me I just blamed myself!

[Ms Darcy]

You have a whole list here to help you see why he wasn't so great. Why exactly are you blaming yourself?

[nanana]

Oh, another thing for the list, finding that a load of condoms had disappeared after he'd had one of his weekends of thinking he wanted to breakup, and when I realised they were gone, he went mental, threw the box out of the window, then stormed out. Came back 5 minutes later all lovey dovey and apologetic with some excuse about how there were some missing because his friend had been blowing them up into balloons and messing around... I don't know if I believe that.

[nanana]

I'm blaming myself because he blamed me. Said I treated everything like it was such a big deal and that none of his friend's girlfriends were like that...

[Ms Darcy]

Do you generally have low self-esteem? This is a lot of ridiculous behavior on his part.

[asthesparrow]

My ex was pretty much the exact same as yours. I don't need to convince myself that he is a jerk though, thankfully.

 

All I can say is:

Don't worry, one day you will experience a real relationship.

Take care, good luck healing.

[nanana]

Always had low self-esteem. I was bullied horribly at school, and also by my brother for being ugly. Funnily enough, I turned out to be a bit of a 'swan' and people that bullied me now try to date me. But the damage is still there, I think.

 

I've watched my dad treat my mum like crap, cheat on her repeatedly, and she's always taken him back without hesitation, maybe that has something to do with it too.

 

My ex was my first love, and because when we first started out he couldn't have been more perfect, I blame the change in his behaviour on myself, and the clingy behaviour I started to exhibit when he started changing.

 

Plus the fact that he doesn't want to speak to me anymore, kinda makes me feel like I'm the one in the wrong. I wish I could just convince myself that any girl would have got upset with the way I was treated!

[Ms Darcy]

I'm sorry you have gone through all of this. What it sounds like it that you are really going to need therapy to help you get through your low self-esteem. This break-up might be the impetus you need to start healing. Good luck.

[nanana]

So you don't think he treated me well? That's not normal treatment of a girlfriend, right?

 

I'm plagued with good, sweet memories I really do love him.

[incaangelique]

So you don't think he treated me well? That's not normal treatment of a girlfriend, right?

 

I'm plagued with good, sweet memories I really do love him.

 

No he did not treat you well. He sounds sleazy.

[nanana]

Guilt is back god I used to argue with him about this stuff. Sometimes I'd threaten to breakup over it out of frustration. I've convinced myself I'm emotionally abusive for getting annoyed and that makes me detest myself.

 

I dunno what to do anymore. The blame is ruining my life. I loved this person, and I must have driven him away. What if I do the same to someone else?

 

The day he said he wasn't sure if he was in love with me or not, and then changed his mind, I was insecure from then onwards because it felt like everything had been a lie.

 

I ruined everything he said I did. He said I'm crazy. I don't know what's happened to me, I used to be so confident. Now I'm just self-loathing and really messed up!

[AutumnBorn]

I'm slowly killing myself here, please someone help me see this guy isn't great! He's still on a pedestal. I still keep thinking nobody will treat me better.

 

It's bizarre, when we were in a relationship, I kept thinking 'this guy treats me horribly, i have to get out', but as soon as he dumped me I just blamed myself!

 

Here's the thing, he treated you horribly and now you're picking up where he left off. You believe his B.S. and thing nobody else will treat you better? How about you start a new trend by treating yourself better?

 

I'm recommending daily affirmations. Write them out every evening say 10 times and repeat it outloud as you read the final sentence. You can start with: I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect simply because I exist. Nothing I did or will do in the future gives anyone the right to treat me with disregard and cruelty.