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Should I Wait Until I Have A Career To Date?


nicnicnic

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In the past 5 months, I've had 7 guys ditch out on me on dates and plenty others that have not answered my messages (online dating). Here are some of the scenarios:

Guy 1: Lengthy E-mails for 2 weeks, several talks on the phone, day of the appointed date does not call me and disappears.

Guy 2: 2 weeks of chats, E-mails, lengthy talks on the phone. When I cannot find the place of our date, he starts yelling at me.

Guy 3: I refuse to drive over to his town. He gets aggravated, says if he's paying for the dinner, I better get there. I refuse, he starts calling me obscene names over text.

Guy 4: On and off talking for 2 months. Calls me sweetheart, tells me how pretty I am, how he wants to meet me. On the day of the date, he texts me saying his friend is in the hospital and that we'll figure something out with this date. A week goes by. I text him and he writes back that he's back with his ex-girlfriend.

Guy 5: I date him for 2 dates before finding out he's married with children.

Guy 6: Several E-mails back and forth....then disappears.

Guy 7: Talk on the phone. Day of the date he never calls.

For one dating site, I sent 6 messages to 6 different guys. They read my message, checked out my profile....and none replied back.

I've been in one serious relationship that ended up in him cheating on me twice. After that, I had a short term relationship with one guy that stood me up about....oh, 4 times. Another guy gave me weekly threats of how he'd go date another girl that was, oh so successful and beautiful. (That never happened, he "downgraded" with his next girl). Only ONE guy turned out to be very sweet, and we dated for almost 2 1/2 months but I ended it because he had other plans with his life (moving to another state).

 

I'm 22 years old, and will finish college this upcoming fall. So far, I have no internships lined up because I'm planning on studying abroad. I live with my parents. I consider myself fairly attractive (I spent 90% of my life thinking I was below average and unattractive, especially since throughout middle and high school I was called "unattractive"). It was only recently that I finally saw my beauty, without makeup. I've been told by the guys I dated that I am very attractive and many have praised my corpulence. I do not mean to be conceited but I do feel much, MUCH more confident in myself, my intelligence, my abilities, and my looks.

However, I do know that right now I do not have a career. Since a child, I've been taught that people should be on the same socioeconomic level. A doctor will date a doctor. But I've seen major exceptions- women with no college and no career marrying lawyers and hairdressers marrying doctors.

 

I do not want a relationship....not anymore and not for a while. I feel that men reject me because I do not have a career. And even if I did have a starter one, I feel that they would judge me by how much money I made and hence, if I made too little in comparison to them, they would reject me.

I do go for older men, ones with careers. I like engineers, lawyers, doctors, etc. Not ALL of the guys I dated were such. For me, education is important. I'm sorry, I really do not mean to be 'picky' but those are my priorities.

 

Can anyone please give me some advice? My therapist tells me, "It's not you, it's them. Don't expect to see results immediately."

 

I'm happy with myself about 95% of the time and try to enjoy each day to the fullest. However, in times like these, I'm sad by the overwhelming amount of rejections I've been receiving from men.

I would like a few dates. Also, with the guys that ditched out on me, I did not demand expensive dates. Maybe a diner, coffee and dessert, drinks, etc.

 

Should I wait until I have a career to date? (This may take up to 6-7 years, a long time).

Attached is a picture. Men on ENA, would any of you consider dating me?

Today I was reflecting over my dating life (after a guy promised to take me out and never went through) and felt a bit ticked off.

 

 

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No I don't think so. You may not have a career yet but you have interests, you've been to college, etc. You can talk about yourself. Sounds like you are reaching for an answer. You're young! I don't see why anyone would expect you to be all settled in your life yet.

 

You are gorgeous! I wouldn't be surprised if 1/2 of these guys just chickened out.

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Thank you but maybe it's the guys I choose? Is it wrong for me to opt for career men, older men? I have never liked dating guys my age.

 

I don't know. You like who you like, right? You should date who you want...although, doesn't seem to be working. Why don't you like guys your own age?

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I think that you are gorgeous. You are still young you have goals that's what matters. I think with some of the guys you mentioned above, you were lucky to see their true colors early on. Don't expect much from online dating. Making money or having money won't bring you happiness...

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I think you're passing up a lot of opportunities by insisting on older career men. Not everyone your age is an immature dolt with no drive, ambition, or a decent job. Further, what if these older career men you're dating view you as immature in the same way you view men your age as immature?

 

You can feel free to focus on college and your career if you like, but that won't change whether or not men blow you off.

 

Plus, online dating is notorious for stories like yours.

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I think the idea that guys don't like you because you don't have a career is really reaching. That may be the case if you're dating an older guy (which you seem to be doing), but for a guy closer to your own age, it can't be a dealbreaker, since he likely doesn't have a career either.

 

In terms of dating older guys, I can see where it would be an issue. As a 23 year old woman with a career, I've had a hard time dating guys who are still in college. That's just not where I am in my life, and I don't really feel the need to relive it.

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It seems you have only been doing online dating? IF so, why? Why not try and meet people IRL, say by joining a gym (if you haven't already, you can meet tons of people!), taking hobby interest classes, meet-up groups, friends of friends...etc.

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why do they think you are corpulent? your photo doesn't seem to indicate that?

 

where are you meeting this guys? which site? i've never had good luck with free sites. the men i met on eharmony were overall pretty decent.

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I think you are quite attractive. Like others have said, maybe you should move away from online dating and try to meet people in real life. I have never used online dating, but I get the impression that a lot of weird people use it who are either doing things behind their partner's backs, are extremely shy (hence why they flake out last moment), or just do it to mask their personality and physical defects.

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It seems you have only been doing online dating? IF so, why? Why not try and meet people IRL, say by joining a gym (if you haven't already, you can meet tons of people!), taking hobby interest classes, meet-up groups, friends of friends...etc.

 

Well, I have been doing the gym for a few years now....and most of the people there are not interested in finding dating partners. I certainly am not. Moreoever, it's always the older, creepy men that hit on me. And it's weird, in general. I also avoid the bar scene/ club scene. Too many losers over there. As far as friends of friends, yes, I have done that before. Didn't work out.

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I think you are quite attractive. Like others have said, maybe you should move away from online dating and try to meet people in real life. I have never used online dating, but I get the impression that a lot of weird people use it who are either doing things behind their partner's backs, are extremely shy (hence why they flake out last moment), or just do it to mask their personality and physical defects.

 

In the past, I've had several successful dates that came out of online dating. Maybe I'm attracting too much negative energy now.

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why do they think you are corpulent? your photo doesn't seem to indicate that?

 

where are you meeting this guys? which site? i've never had good luck with free sites. the men i met on eharmony were overall pretty decent.

 

Sorry! I didn't mean to say corpulent. I mean slim! Ah!

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i never had much luck with free sites. i think you're more likely to get time wasters. i found that the men on eharmony in particular and on match were more interested in having dates and relationships. i never met a single man on the free sites, but i met tons of men from match and eharmony. if someone's willing to pay $30 a month for a subscription, i think they are more likely to be looking to have a relationship.

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