Anyone wish they'd never met them?

[natureleddy]

Just a thought.

 

Nearly three years, so many amazing memories with her. But, nearly one year later, thinking about the pain I've suffered (and probably still suffering), I cant help but think that nothing, absolutely NOTHING, no good memories, no amount of intimacy, love, companionship.....nothing is worth what I've went through.

 

Anyone else feel the same? Im having trouble with the whole ''its an experience I'll learn from in later life'' kinda thing.....

[restingpieces]

Its best not to think of them as lessons (unless something came up about you where you learned for your self); they are merely just experiences under our belt and we have a lot of life to live, so good or bad, there will be plenty more of those "experiences."

 

To directly answer your question, though, as much as I would love to regret having invested so much, I most certainly do not. Sure, it may or may not have had the same impact on the other person involved, but it definitely did for me. Like you said, amazing memories. And hey, I have one hell of a story and I'm a way more interesting person for it.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah me. I hate living with the fact knowing she was the one i wanted to be with and can't now. I think all the time it would have been so much better if i just never went out that night....I was going to stay home...I should have...and i wouldn't have had this pain.

[Psinic]

See I am in pain, and this hurts worse than anything i've ever known - but I don't wish I had never met her. Sure I wouldn't have this pain now, but I love her, and probably will for some time to come. But if I hadn't met her I never would have felt that love, to me that is worth it..... just... But then i would go running back to her if she gave me the slightest hint that she wanted me...

[natureleddy]

@GenoGeno - exactly what I mean. I met her at a Muse gig, and I got lost from the people I went with. Seen some other people I knew, and she was with them, started hanging around with them - the rest is history.....

 

I just wish that things hadn't transpired that way sometimes. No amount of amazing memories seems worth it all this at times, especially considering how long we've been apart now.

 

@restingpieces - Im trying to think more like that. Its just hard.

[natureleddy]

@Psinic - I too would go running back. Without a second's thought, actually!

[GenoGeno]

Yeah i know it's kind of funny when you start to question the fabric of life and say things like if only i didn't go out that night. This girl really hurt me and i don't even want to know love if it ends up with a aching heart for a year...it's not even healthy. I would also go running back....i feel kind of pathetic but hey, it's true love i felt.

[restingpieces]

Love and passion are exciting and fabulous; I'm sure we'd all go running back (if we weren't abused; then I'd suggest running in the other direction). But it's a matter of realizing you can carry a love in your heart for someone and still move on, live life, achieve what you'd like to, perhaps meet another? You don't have to let go entirely - like you said, there were amazing memories and it would be a shame if you banished them from your memory completely - but you shouldn't grasp onto anything tightly either. It is what it is and the past is in the past... now focus on the here, now, and what you want to come.

[natureleddy]

Lol, tru dat! Couldn't agree more! Im just in a position lately where im having to go a certain place for work that happened to be a special place for us. Paris is an amazing city, but I cant seem to enjoy any of it without thinking about what did there, where we went, where we walked down a street etc....

 

Its stupid, but kinda funny...if I'd never met her, maybe I would enjoy the place more without her!

[fLuiD]

I wish I would have met her at a later stage in my life where we could have married and spent the rest of our lives together. I think with age, and experience, our issues would have been handled much better. Its too easy being so young and just breaking up with someone. As adults, I think there is more of an ability to work through a lot in order to keep the relationship healthy.

[natureleddy]

@fLuidD - Its funny you should say that. When she broke up with me, I said the exact same thing to her. She said ''well, gimme a call when we're 25 then''. She didnt mean it, it was a total comfort thing, but she said it with a smile on her face that showed me she thought the same.

 

I suppose that's the unfortunate thing about meeting someone so special when you're young; there is always the inevitable ''growing up'' to do....

[easyguy]

I'm happy I met my ex, because she made me a stronger, better person in the end. We have the choice to decide what to do with the emotional power that gets instilled within us after a break up. I want to turn distress and agony into benevolence and respect for the past and present.

[bravebird]

I wish we'd met when both of us were ready for a relationship. Unfortunately, we weren't and now I am suffering big time. So because of my reality, there are times where I wish we hadn't met because I wouldn't know what this sort of pain feels like.

[jenmar]

I do not regret it, I had a great time with someone for a few months.. the break up made me realize a lot about myself.. and how to deal with emotions.

Its sad. yes because I miss him some days.. just talking and having a good time.. but the negatives of the relationship outwieght the positives.

It opened my eyes for the next relationship I have.. to make sure to take thigns slow, and get to know eachother and their personalities before rushing into anything with someone you barely know.

I will admit that I would have wished that I listened to my friends who knew of thim and his reputation.. but I figured I would find out for myself.. and I did.

[adamt]

yeah, i am going through this at the moment. nearly 12 months since break up and some days i feel i'm never going to move on. NC in that time. feels like i wasted 3 years of my life investing in a relationship i thought was for the journey. how can she just walk away, be cold and leave me in a mess.I'm not 39 and wish i could grab my mid 30s back. so much harder to meet someone else now with all my friends settled,married with kids

 

 

i dont believe that old saying better to have loved and lost rather than not loved at all.

[Iakasot]

@fLuidD - Its funny you should say that. When she broke up with me, I said the exact same thing to her. She said ''well, gimme a call when we're 25 then''. She didnt mean it, it was a total comfort thing, but she said it with a smile on her face that showed me she thought the same.

 

I suppose that's the unfortunate thing about meeting someone so special when you're young; there is always the inevitable ''growing up'' to do....

 

What makes you think she's so special? Right now you're not that different from someone who tried cocaine and said, "man, I really wish I didn't try it", except now you're trying to rationalize it as not being a mistake. It's a mistake, learn from it and don't make the same mistakes again. People stay with each other because of turn ons and break up because of turn offs, you obviously messed up somewhere to turn her off. On the flip side, she can't be that special if she left you so easily, and was very typical with how easily she gets turned off with you. She's not that different from other girls, and therefore not special. Think about how picky girls are in general, all that happened is that she was picky during a relationship that already started. "Love" didn't change her pickiness and propensity to be easily turned off. No sense pining over her and saying you'd "take her back in a flash". You're better than her.

[natureleddy]

No I agree totally, it was a mistake, the very fact that it ended proved that. Its just been a pretty rough year, and as much a mistake as it was, I compare aspects of my life now to when I was with her. I was happy then, and now, not so much. Rationally speaking, its irrational to make such a comparison. But it just makes me wonder about what life would be like if I hadn't met her.

[Iakasot]

No I agree totally, it was a mistake, the very fact that it ended proved that. Its just been a pretty rough year, and as much a mistake as it was, I compare aspects of my life now to when I was with her. I was happy then, and now, not so much. Rationally speaking, its irrational to make such a comparison. But it just makes me wonder about what life would be like if I hadn't met her.

 

You'd be happy, that's the whole reason she was attracted to you to begin with, because you were happy. Like with the hypothetical person that got addicted to cocaine though, it has done its damage and you need to pull through and be happy again, all it takes is discipline of not thinking about her. Just because she made you feel good, doesn't mean she didn't damage your "base" level of what made you happy before. You just need to repair it again, man. Think you can do that?

 

Remember, she's not special, and she's not that different from other girls. You're better off without her. You have the freedom to be yourself now, instead of being so throughly taken over by "feelings", like look back at yourself in the relationship. Doesn't it look like you were dazed and oblivious to so many things going on in the world away from her, because you focused so much attention on her? If it doesn't, then well, you are a better man than I was.

[Theblueman123]

Lol, without my ex I wouldn't be where I am today

[d_lilah]

I used to feel that way. The hurt I felt seemed like nothing was worth it. When I was with him, he brought out the best in me, and when he finished it, he brought out the worst in me. I became someone I didn't recognise, and no one person should be able to cause me so much pain and change who I was.

 

But in the end, the fact that he did bring out the best in me shows me that I am capable of being a better person. Just not with him.

 

I have to stay I hated him until very recently. Someone close to me died, and I realised how much something like that doesn't really matter in the end, and someday all we will have is our memories to look back on. The pain I felt when they passed was so much more than the break up, but would I wish I had never known them? Never in a second.

 

She might have been special, and you are still in pain thinking about it, but life is about making new memories. In the end, everything and everyone you know is special, you just don't realise how much until they are gone.

[nadid]

Just a thought.

 

Nearly three years, so many amazing memories with her. But, nearly one year later, thinking about the pain I've suffered (and probably still suffering), I cant help but think that nothing, absolutely NOTHING, no good memories, no amount of intimacy, love, companionship.....nothing is worth what I've went through.

 

Anyone else feel the same? Im having trouble with the whole ''its an experience I'll learn from in later life'' kinda thing.....

 

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. Those good experiences will be part of you forever. I know it feels excruciating that it has to come to an end. You can have it again with someone new and hopefully the next time will stick forever.

 

Honestly, yeah, sometimes I do wish I never met my ex. The entire experience has taken such a toll on me and my life, even affected my work. At least you have amazing memories and the time wasn't completely wasted with nothing meaningful going on. I'm having a hard time healing, but I know I have to put myself out there to experience life to the fullest otherwise I will just waste away. I already wasted 2 years of my life to get over the previous ex; I was too scared to put myself back out there. Then I did and landed up with this current ex. Ugh. I'll be alone in my mid 30s if I let the devastation turn me into a shut-in. I met someone new and am forcing myself to just live and go with the flow. It hurts but it's possible to move forward, just in a new way. You have to be willing to change to get a new life.

[natureleddy]

@Iakasot - you speak the truth, I immersed myself absolutely in the relationship. I don't think I'd do that to such an extent again, so I have learned that, definitely.

 

@d_lilah - Sorry to hear about your loss. I also experienced the death of someone close to me recently, and it was a harrowing and painful time for me. I almost my contacted my ex, for some reason I felt like she would be the only person who could make me feel better.

 

But, I didn't. And looking back, I'm so glad I didn't!

[nadid]

''its an experience I'll learn from in later life''

 

I don't think that means anything warm and fluffy. What you learn is how to keep your heart open to life and continue to thrive. It hurts as all hell. What you're left with is your own core and being happy with the simple things and just seeing everything else as a gift that may be taken away at any moment.

[Seymore]

I felt that way at times, but in the end, I did have a good time here and there, plus what I learned and did in the end made me a better and smarter person overall, so I can't say I wish I never met my ex.

[natureleddy]

@nadid - I have found that I have started to appreciate pretty much everything in my life a whole lot more than I did this time last year. Changing my outlook on things, being more positive. I've tried to become the person I was when I first met her. Like Iakasot said, I was happy. And that's why she liked me.