Dump him or not?

[QTpie87]

i am so confused,

for the longest time all i wanted was to find someone who loved me, so i do, or i think i do, (thats mainly what i am confused about), and now i don' t think i can do it. i don't know what is wrong with me, he acts like he loves me but sometimes it doesn't seem real and now he will be gone for 3 months, my mom thinks he is just useing me (hes 7 years older than i am) but he swears he loves me and isn't. I guess the reason i am so hurt and confused about this is because i have only been in love once, it took a lot longer to love that person, and everything in this new relationship happened so fast. hes already talking about me moving in with him when im old enough, and marring me, and everything, is it all fake?

please help.

[Rage]

I don't know TBH Qtpie!

 

But my guess is that your Mum knows best, she obviously has alot more life experience than you, listen to her

 

Do you know why he has got to go away for 3 months?

[QTpie87]

Hes getting this job in missory for three months maybe just 2 months (depending on how long they keep him (temp job)) well thats not the reason though, my mom is worried because he is older, but he is sweet, the only thing is he tells me he loves me and i just don't really feel like he does, i brought that up once though and he told me to shut up in a joking way, but looked like he was about to start crying. that made me feel like a crap head. but i have never known of any guy going into something like love so fast. do you know what i mean?

[ApathyKid666]

how old are you two might i ask?

[QTpie87]

i am turning 17 and he is 23. but you can't really tell that there is a age diff in personality or anything, you have to actually think about it to notice that we might be that far apart.

[Rage]

Yer, i can imagine it is a hard situation you are in, i'm not really sure what you should do, maybe take a break from the relationship for a while to gather your thoughts (whilst he goes away, that would be an ideal time).

 

Then take it from there maybe?

 

But ultimately, it is a decision which you must make yourself.

 

I too feel alot of guys use the word love too frequently, it is a very powerful word and should be used sparingly or it becomes less effective!

 

Some guys use it to get something i guess...

[ApathyKid666]

I guess I can't say much more than Rage... just ponder on it while he's gone. To me it sounds like he's just trying to get at something... it's not every day a 23 year old is dating a teenager still in highschool if you get my drift. Something just doesn't seem right about it.

[QTpie87]

well yeah,

 

only im not in highschool right now, im taking my GED so i can get out early, 'cause i was offered to start beauty college early if i did. well other than that, yeah i know what you mean.

[avman]

Well, to me it sounds like a pretty typical problem with an age gap relationship. He's older, more mature, ready for a live in girlfriend, etc. You on the other hand are not ready for any of this. You are still questioning his feelings for you and your feelings for him. You are still insecure about relationships and such. And still hurting over a past relationship too.

 

While I wouldn't say to dump this guy - I would tell you to slow things down quite a bit. Give yourself time to get to know him. Let him head off to Missouri for a couple of months and see what happens. If its truly meant to be and he truly loves you then the relationship will survive just a 2 month separation. If it doesn't survive that - then it was never meant to be in the first place.

 

avman

[Meow18]

I agree with avman. Don't dump the guy right away or whatever. I do think you should take things slower as well. Its obvious that at this point in your relationship, you aren't ready for the more serious stuff, like living together. Thats ok though. Take your time. Its a big step in a relationship & if things don't work out, you'll be happier that you took your time with it. I don't think your age should be a problem. I do think he's probably at that age where he's ready to settle down, but you aren't quite at that level yet, so that could cause some issues. Just don't let him pressure you into anything like that. You need to do what you think is best for you because its your life, not his. Maybe he really does love you, or maybe he just feels like he needs to say that. I can't really say. The real way you can truly tell is through his actions & the way he treats you. Does he respect you completely? Does he ever pressure you into things? If he ever disrespects you, or mentally (or even physically) abuses you, or pressures you into things, then he doesnt truly love you, even if he thinks he does.

[Val]

No, don't end things right now. You'll see how you feel and will think more clearly while he's away. You might realize that you don't love him as much as you seem to think. Plus don't let the fact that he's older pressure you into doing things you do not feel comfortable with. I myself am 17 and was debating a relationship with a MUCH older man not too long ago. I now realized how important my teenage years are. We don't have to worry all about mortgage loans, taxes, electricity bills etc. and why should we?! After all, you don't want to look back when you 32 thinking you've missed out on an important part of your life.

 

Another thing, (u said ur mother didn't like him) whatever you do make sure to maintain a precious relationship with her. Trust me, she is one of the only people who will ALWAYS be there for you when you need it the most.