What defines a bad boy?

[tso]

So a nice guy often means the guy is a doormat, but what is a bad boy?

 

Is it a serial womanizer who acts cocky, or is a bad boy a sociopath? So when a woman says she likes bad boys, does she mean someone who's a sociopath?

[hexaemeron]

People like to tame the untameable. Very simple, really.

[Hermes]

Tso:

 

When a woman is drawn to bad boys, she is the one with the problem. Often family of origin abusive issues makes her fly toward the bad men, like a moth to a candle.

 

Hermes

[turnera]

A bad boy is one who takes chances and doesn't care if he hurts other people in the process. Girls may say they like bad boys, but they don't really want the crappy relationship that comes with him.

 

What girls really like is confident guys. Who aren't needy, overly emotional, rude, selfish, or inconsiderate. Who just like themselves and are confident you will like them, too. And if you don't like them, well, they'll find someone who will.

[Hermes]

Again, read the great articles on here. They help to clarify the mind!

 

link removed

 

Hermes

[Cognitive_Canine]

Bad boy to me means that he has a backbone and a bit of a dark side. Dark is good. He's a gentlemen but he doesn't act out of obligation or fear, he does things because he truly wants to.

[hexaemeron]

Bad boy to me means that he has a backbone and a bit of a dark side. Dark is good. He's a gentlemen but he doesn't act out of obligation or fear, he does things because he truly wants to.

 

Aw, CC. You're sweet. Thank you!

[Cognitive_Canine]

Aw, CC. You're sweet. Thank you!

 

Lol, what did I do?

[hexaemeron]

Lol, what did I do?

 

Giving me the bad boy shout out.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Giving me the bad boy shout out.

 

hahaha. Well, if you were single and hetero, the ladies would be all about you.

 

Some people think my boyfriend is a jerk. Heck, sometimes my boyfriend beats himself up and thinks himself a jerk. It couldn't be farther from the truth. He's deathly loyal to his family, me, and his friends. He tells people off who prey on the weak. I've seen him go off on a guy for pushing a teenager with down's syndrome out of his way. He's the kind of guy that beat up kids who picked on his younger brother. He stays away from alcohol and drugs to remain a good role model for his siblings who all look up to him. One time a guy shoved me to the ground at a party in a drunken stupor. My boyfriend grabbed the guy by the shirt and told him to apologize and go clean himself up.

 

Yes, it's aggressive behaviour but he responds aggressively only to aggressors. He doesn't take things lying down, especially when people are preying on weaker persons or people he loves. I've never felt threatened by him and I think the way he handles situations is great. I am rather jealous of his ability to say what everyone else is thinking when someone is being rude/mean. Most of us just turn a blind eye and keep our mouth shut.

[tso]

Bad boy to me means that he has a backbone and a bit of a dark side. Dark is good. He's a gentlemen but he doesn't act out of obligation or fear, he does things because he truly wants to.

 

Dark side as in like what?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Dark side as in like what?

 

I've been depressed most of my life. Even though I'm not now, I still know I have a dark place. I sort of like my darkness as I experience the world differently than others do. It will probably always be there and something I have to keep in check.

 

I want a guy who can identify with that. Who has gone through a depression or had hardships through his life. Or else he will never be able to understand what I went through and what I may go through. We can help each other if we slip back into depression as we both know what it is like. It's sort of intimate, in a way, as we have a connection that many people do not. I'm probably romanticizing it but it's a good way to look at it, I think.

[hexaemeron]

I've been depressed most of my life. Even though I'm not now, I still know I have a dark place. I sort of like my darkness as I experience the world differently than others do. It will probably always be there and something I have to keep in check.

 

I want a guy who can identify with that. Who has gone through a depression or had hardships through his life. Or else he will never be able to understand what I went through and what I may go through. We can help each other if we slip back into depression as we both know what it is like. It's sort of intimate, in a way, as we have a connection that many people do not. I'm probably romanticizing it but it's a good way to look at it, I think.

 

I used to express mine as an actual alter-ego. The way I walked, talked, dressed, carried myself. The way I was able to maintain eye contact with people (which is really hard for me normally) until they'd look away.

 

When I'd go to a bar/club, or the sex clubs looking for some trouble... it was my way of expressing my dark places in ways that would work to my advantage situationally.

[JonasWaingaro]

Yeah but CC your guy isn't a 'bad boy'. The bad boy is the drunken stupor guy. Acts like a jerk and doesn't care what anyone thinks. That's the bad boy. What you describe is a good man. Someone people like and look up to. No one looks up to a 'bad boy', they get no respect because they give no one respect. Just my opinion.

[Creative]

Good question, awaiting for a breakthrough answer.

 

But as Hermes said, bad boys is what broken girls are attracted to. You know, those you don't want anyways. Thus, we'll let them be and focus on more worthy girls.

[tso]

Right, but your BF doesn't sound like a bad boy to me. I guess when women say they want they bad boy it means something else.

 

For example, I thought a bad boy would mean someone like a hitman or gang leader.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I used to express mine as an actual alter-ego. The way I walked, talked, dressed, carried myself. The way I was able to maintain eye contact with people (which is really hard for me normally) until they'd look away.

 

When I'd go to a bar/club, or the sex clubs looking for some trouble... it was my way of expressing my dark places in ways that would work to my advantage situationally.

 

Yes, I feel that way too. Especially when it comes to sex, a completely new person comes out. I can be extremely bubbly and innocent, to a leather wearing ball buster. It's all me, just different parts of me that can;t be expressed at the same time.

[Cognitive_Canine]

That's just what it means to me personally.

 

Have you ever seen Transporter, Dexter, or Boondock Saints? Those are some extreme examples of what I consider bad boys. They are still good men even though they do terrible things.

[hexaemeron]

Yes, I feel that way too. Especially when it comes to sex, a completely new person comes out. I can be extremely bubbly and innocent, to a leather wearing ball buster. It's all me, just different parts of me that can;t be expressed at the same time.

 

Yeah, that's it exactly. With the constraints of "normal life", there were parts of myself that I could very easily bring forth. It was a much harder version of myself. Slicked back hair, sunglasses or smokey eyes, very sparse conversation. Abrupt. Rough handling.

 

Ah, memories!

[tso]

That's just what it means to me personally.

 

Have you ever seen Transporter, Dexter, or Boondock Saints? Those are some extreme examples of what I consider bad boys. They are still good men even though they do terrible things.

 

Right, sorta get what you mean.

[hexaemeron]

CC, it sounds like you like antiheroes, not bad boys.

[tiredofvampires]

SOME "nice guys" are doormats and SOME "bad boys" are sociopaths. Those are pretty caricaturesque definitions, though.

 

This is really an excellent definition of a "good bad boy":

 

Bad boy to me means that he has a backbone and a bit of a dark side. Dark is good. He's a gentlemen but he doesn't act out of obligation or fear, he does things because he truly wants to.

 

The bad boys I've encountered (and liked) in the past all had these elements in common: a dark side (based on personal experiences of adversity + introspective personality [edit: just saw CC's remarks about relating to this adversity as common ground, which creates an understanding/intimacy, brava, well said]), an attitude of bucking something about the status quo, a fearlessness, and a daring, sensual personality. The problem? It's very rare to find one that truly is a gentleman, who is capable of giving, who is also unselfish and good at communication -- all skills important to a healthy relationship. For most bad boys, the world revolves around them and their needs, their moods, their issues, which lie just below the surface of the "mystique" and "untameable."

 

Some women go for bad boys because they want to "tame" them; some, because they want to be the ones to win their love; others, to be part of their world and share it.

 

But in most cases, this happens:

 

Girls may say they like bad boys, but they don't really want the crappy relationship that comes with him.

 

and so, while it's not oxymoronic to say "a bad boy who is a gentleman", as I said, there are VERY FEW bad boys who won't make a relationship crappy. He doesn't have to be a sociopath or narcissist...all he has to be is self-centered and emotionally unable to handle vulnerability, or otherwise closed to change/personal growth.

 

A good bad boy is one who has a core of steel but a heart of gold -- and is so ruthlessly against the status quo, he is also willing to demolish his own if it's harming him and his life.

[JonasWaingaro]

That's just what it means to me personally.

 

Have you ever seen Transporter, Dexter, or Boondock Saints? Those are some extreme examples of what I consider bad boys. They are still good men even though they do terrible things.

 

Er...Dexter is a psychopath. lol He's not exactly a bad boy, nor a good man. He's a fake and a fraud. His dark passenger is not a good thing.

 

(I love that show!)

[Cognitive_Canine]

Er...Dexter is a psychopath. lol He's not exactly a bad boy, nor a good man. He's a fake and a fraud. His dark passenger is not a good thing.

 

(I love that show!)

 

But he does love Rita and the kids. He doesn't really feel it but he definitely shows it. Also, he cares a lot about Deborah. For a man that claims that he has no feelings, he says and thinks things that only a deep and emotional person could feel and think.

 

"If I had a heart...it would be breaking" 'If I could love, it'd be for her"

[Cognitive_Canine]

CC, it sounds like you like antiheroes, not bad boys.

 

I've heard the term 'antihero' a lot but have never found a satisfying definition.

 

Another good one is Donnie Darko, if anyone has seen that movie. Absolutely wonderful guy who is plagued by schizophrenic hallucinations. Dark, deep, and understanding. Yet, a very decent human being and caring guy.