What defines a bad boy?

[JonasWaingaro]

But he does love Rita and the kids. He doesn't really feel it but he definitely shows it. Also, he cares a lot about Deborah. For a man that claims that he has no feelings, he says and thinks things that only a deep and emotional person could feel and think.

 

"If I had a heart...it would be breaking" 'If I could love, it'd be for her"

 

Exactly, he doesn't actually love them because he can't love anyone/anything but his hunger. Anyhoo, OT! I think Hex is right and you like anti-heros!

 

I agree with ToV, bad boys are very selfish types. I'm thinking men and women see different guys as bad boys.

[tso]

Right, understand what you're saying, apart from the bit about having a dark side. Where is the difference between a bad boy with a dark side and a sociopath with an evil side?

 

What is having a dark side? The other poster mentioned something about it relating to depression, I thought a dark side was someone who had an evil remorseless way to them.

[tso]

Er...Dexter is a psychopath. lol He's not exactly a bad boy, nor a good man. He's a fake and a fraud. His dark passenger is not a good thing.

 

(I love that show!)

 

He's a poor imitation of a psychopath from what I can tell.

[tiredofvampires]

Yes, you can be a good man AND a bad boy.

 

Just as you can be a good man and NOT a doormat.

 

A good man who is not a doormat, who also has some rough edges, who has gone through s to get to where he is today, who has taken the road less-travelled, who is a fighter and survivor and who therefore stands apart from all that is complacent and conventionally endorsed -- this is a bad boy. Knowing "bad" and not flinching makes him a "bad" boy, how he handles it though can be good.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes, you can be a good man AND a bad boy.

 

Just as you can be a good man and NOT a doormat.

 

A good man who is not a doormat, who also has some rough edges, who has gone through s to get to where he is today, who has taken the road less-travelled, who is a fighter and survivor and who therefore stands apart from all that is complacent and conventionally endorsed -- this is a bad boy. Knowing "bad" and not flinching makes him a "bad" boy, how he handles it though can be good.

 

That's what I like to say. "I like men rough around the edges". The men I like are actually really hard to find, as TOV said.

[itsallgrand]

I think the main thing is that a bad boy must keep the adrenaline pumping. Whether he is a "good" bad boy, or a real piece of bad work - he's got to be exciting and on the edge somehow of appropriateness.

[ZizousamA]

Being a nice guy or person for that matter has nothing to do with being a doormat. Being a doormat is confidence and autonomy thing and has nothing to do with the quality of being nice and considerate.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Being a nice guy or person for that matter has nothing to do with being a doormat. Being a doormat is confidence and autonomy thing and has nothing to do with the quality of being nice and considerate.

 

A lot of people think that if you do everything for a person, you're being nice. Even if you're only doing it to get something back from them. After all, that person owes you for all the things you volunteered to do for them.

[JonasWaingaro]

Yes, you can be a good man AND a bad boy.

 

Just as you can be a good man and NOT a doormat.

 

A good man who is not a doormat, who also has some rough edges, who has gone through s to get to where he is today, who has taken the road less-travelled, who is a fighter and survivor and who therefore stands apart from all that is complacent and conventionally endorsed -- this is a bad boy. Knowing "bad" and not flinching makes him a "bad" boy, how he handles it though can be good.

 

How is this a bad boy? What's 'bad' about being an individualist? Or a fighter/survivor? I guess I don't see this as a bad boy. To me a bad boy is not these things, but a guy who pretends to be these things. But is really very conventional, in style and thought. I'm no bad boy by any means but you described my attitude fairly well.

[tiredofvampires]

Right, understand what you're saying, apart from the bit about having a dark side. Where is the difference between a bad boy with a dark side and a sociopath with an evil side?

 

What is having a dark side? The other poster mentioned something about it relating to depression, I thought a dark side was someone who had an evil remorseless way to them.

 

I was writing my last post when you posted this, so I didn't see it until now.

 

A dear friend of mine (an ex who is really a very nice guy dressed in "bad boy" clothes -- a sheep sometimes in wolf's clothing) said to me, "You need a bad boy. You just don't need an evil boy."

 

It was such a great line, it's entered my personal quote canon. And you've picked up on that, here.

 

"Dark side" can be much of what I described, and what CC is also describing: someone who has not had life easy, or even good. Someone who may have had to go through incredible turmoil, both external and internal. He has seen the ugly side of life, and people. He's had his heart broken by extreme or otherwise traumatic circumstances. He has questioned his existence, the meaning of life, he has dug deep into the heart of his soul. He doesn't live on the surface of life, taking things for granted and he certainly has never had things on a silver platter. Emotionally, he is not afraid of the "darker" emotions -- anger, rage, hatred, loneliness, shame. He has visited these dark realms. Some people who haven't gone through such experiences as his will shun this, or be fearful of these strong, "negative" emotions. A lot of people who haven't had to go through hell look down on these emotions as too heavy or intense, or even weak, because it's easy when you haven't been tested to think life is full of opportunity and positivity. A person with a "dark side" knows it's not that easy, that you have to work to find the good in this world. And that it's a fiction (at least, in his world) to have it just grace your life. So the experiences and mental states entertained by someone who is "dark" walks a taboo edge often, one that scares a lot of people who just haven't had to go there.

 

But this doesn't mean he has to turn into someone who wishes to perpetrate evil, or becomes numb to the pains of others, and become remorseless, as a sociopath does. It's not inevitable to go from dark side, to evil side. A man can have a dark side and counterbalance it by consciously deciding not to join the evil he has seen. The force of his character and convictions tell him that evil exists, but he doesn't have to become it.

 

The key is empathy: a sociopath has no empathy. Meaning, he cannot feel the pain others feel. A bad boy who is good at heart sees his pain in others, and has empathy.

[ZizousamA]

A lot of people think that if you do everything for a person, you're being nice. Even if you're only doing it to get something back from them. After all, that person owes you for all the things you volunteered to do for them.

 

Some people do nice things for others because they believe in being good with others, that it is a virtue and a quality that should exist in people. But, even nice people who don't have an agenda behind their deeds need something someday

[Cognitive_Canine]

How is this a bad boy? What's 'bad' about being an individualist? Or a fighter/survivor? I guess I don't see this as a bad boy. To me a bad boy is not these things, but a guy who pretends to be these things. But is really very conventional, in style and thought. I'm no bad boy by any means but you described my attitude fairly well.

 

I think men and women have different definitons. So, while women are saying 'I want a bad boy (I want an individualist with a back bone)", men are hearing "I want a man who treats me bad"

[Cognitive_Canine]

Some people do nice things for others because they believe in being good with others, that it is a virtue and a quality that should exist in people. But, even nice people who don't have an agenda behind their deeds need something someday

 

Yes, that's being a genuinely nice guy.

 

But, people confuse nice guy with "I've done everything for you. Why aren't we dating?" That's a door mat.

[JonasWaingaro]

I think men and women have different definitons. So, while women are saying 'I want a bad boy (I want an individualist with a back bone)", men are hearing "I want a man who treats me bad"

 

hehe I think that's right. Men and women are seeing and talking about two different guys. It's very interesting. Literal vs figurative 'bad'.

[ZizousamA]

Yes, that's being a genuinely nice guy.

 

But, people confuse nice guy with "I've done everything for you. Why aren't we dating?" That's a door mat.

 

 

That's a doormat indeed.

[Cognitive_Canine]

hehe I think that's right. Men and women are seeing and talking about two different guys. It's very interesting. Literal vs figurative 'bad'.

 

Well, think about a "bad girl". Do you think of a meth addicted, emotionally abusive, prostitute?

 

Or do you think of a hot mama with a cat suit and a wonderful personality?

[Go Habs Go]

The term is very broad. Some think it's the daredevil that rides motorcycles and does all these crazy stunts. Some think it's a nice guy with a slight edge. Some think it's someone that is a sociopath and truly does bad things. Depends on who you ask.

[happylady]

To me a bad boy is someone who is a player/deceiver that can't be locked down by a single woman. Someone who is only out for themselves and will step on anyone to take what they want. Alot of my friends go for these types but I will take a good guy any day over a bad boy. I will say that alot of bad boys (and girls for that matter) do have a talent to pretend they are good then show their true colors later when you are hooked to them.

[tiredofvampires]

I think the main thing is that a bad boy must keep the adrenaline pumping. Whether he is a "good" bad boy, or a real piece of bad work - he's got to be exciting and on the edge somehow of appropriateness.

 

Well done, IAG! CHECK!

 

Being a nice guy or person for that matter has nothing to do with being a doormat. Being a doormat is confidence and autonomy thing and has nothing to do with the quality of being nice and considerate.

 

True -- I hate the "nice guy = doormat" thing. It's as much an over-simplification as "bad boy = sociopath". You can actually have a bad boy who is a nice guy at the same time, lol. (where nice = good, gentlemanly, stand-up guy)

 

How is this a bad boy? What's 'bad' about being an individualist? Or a fighter/survivor? I guess I don't see this as a bad boy. To me a bad boy is not these things, but a guy who pretends to be these things. But is really very conventional, in style and thought. I'm no bad boy by any means but you described my attitude fairly well.

 

I don't think a bad boy, by your definition, is "pretending" to be anything. He's just a guy who wants/enjoys trouble, who gets his thrills from doing destructive things and has a bloated ego. Most sociopaths have superiority complexes, where they are the center of their universe and their life is about making sure no one stands in their way. That's not a pretense -- that's a messed up individual acting out and needing therapy (but probably not being amenable to it, because he's too satisfied being a jerk).

 

It's "bad" to be an individualist because a lot of people don't appreciate that you have something controversial to say. The genuine lack of pretense, the lack of fear of saying the right thing at the cost of offending a few wrong people, the risk-taking of an individualist in being ostracized, and punished for not conforming is HUGE. So you are a risk-taker if you're an individualist. You are choosing principles over pleasing people.

 

And THAT is a bad boy, my friend. But that can be used for good OR evil.

 

Ditto with being a survivor/fighter -- you have gone farther than the average person to explore the destructive side of humanity. And this again can be used for your own demise, or edification.

 

The dimensions of "darkness" put a person in the position of choosing goodness or evil, honorability or dishonorability, sometimes life or death. And these being really tough decisions -- just about the hardest decisions a person can make -- sets them apart from your average person.

 

Anyone who is set apart from the average person is going to experience some flak. People are fascinated by those who break with mass thinking or experience...but in reality, they'd prefer not to deal with the discomfort of that in their personal lives.

 

So if you're the things I described, Jonas, you're a "bad boy".

 

Which, if not flipped into sociopathy, is a good thing.

[JonasWaingaro]

Well, think about a "bad girl". Do you think of a meth addicted, emotionally abusive, prostitute?

 

Or do you think of a hot mama with a cat suit and a wonderful personality?

 

Do men look for bad girls? And yes, I think meth addicted, crazy, pro to be honest. lol Gals from 'Cops' and that bounty hunter show. Hot mama with the cat suit I think Eartha Kitt or Julie Newmar. /growl /swoon Both have wonderfully odd personalities though neither is a bad girl.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Oh, I guess that's just what I think when I think bad girl. haha.

[tiredofvampires]

Oh, I guess that's just what I think when I think bad girl. haha.

 

I think you and I are simply not willing to confuse "criminality" with "bad", CC.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think you and I are simply not willing to confuse "criminality" with "bad", CC.

 

Yeah, we just have a tamer definition of bad. Like a puppy doing something it's not supposed to be doing. That's a "bad puppy". Not mean or criminal...just naughty, not doing what it's told.

[JonasWaingaro]

Yeah, we just have a tamer definition of bad. Like a puppy doing something it's not supposed to be doing. That's a "bad puppy". Not mean or criminal...just naughty, not doing what it's told.

 

no no, I see where you are coming from - 'not doing what it's told' says it well. I gotcha. Oh, I wouldn't jump to criminality from bad, I don't think I made that leap in this thread - hopefully. Well not bad boy anyway, bad girl is a lil' different dealy. I don't think bad=criminal/criminality.

[tiredofvampires]

Yeah, we just have a tamer definition of bad. Like a puppy doing something it's not supposed to be doing. That's a "bad puppy". Not mean or criminal...just naughty, not doing what it's told.

 

Yeah, naughty. Huge difference between naughty, rough around the edges...

 

And suicide bomber. That's another level of "bad", too. I don't know many girls who want to date one of those, haha.