Why do I do this?!

[lambmonster]

My ex and I have tried to be "friends". Which is why we haven't deleted each other off Facebook and unfollowed each other on Twitter. I've been doing NC for the last 5 days and I thought the best thing to do would be to avoid Facebook until I was ready to move on from NC.

 

But I can't help it. I keep peeking at his profile and it always makes me feel worse. Reading his updates about getting drunk with friends and how he's living the life... Then he'll post about how while the drinking helps, it doesn't erase his problems and how hard life is. I hate it! I always feel so bad after checking his profile but I can't stop!

 

I just had a peek now and he's uploaded all these new drunken photos of him, with his shirt off and girls touching him and it made me nauseous. I can't handle seeing any more pictures like that but there I am clicking 'next' and coming back daily!

 

I know I should probably delete him and unfollow.. but I don't want him thinking that I'm struggling (which I am but he doesn't need to know just how much power he has over me) and that I can't deal with him moving on. I know we're over, and I know he's not mine and that he's free to do whatever he wants. What annoys me is that I can't stop going back to the things that cause me pain. Why isn't human nature to avoid things that hurt us kicking in, in this instance? ARGH!

[spartan211]

I do the exact same thing lambmonster... I sit there and analyze every post, pic, comment, and friend request... really does suck and I can empathize with you. keep your chin up though (easier said than done)... but there's always people on here that will support you and will also 'come back daily' to see how you're doing as well... we're all here for you. all the best..

[shuttlefish]

He knows you are looking at his profile and he is messing with you. If you don't feel ready to de-friend quite yet, consider deactivating your account.

 

Take my word for it, in the end, what you are currently doing will be your undoing. It can get worse.

[abigheart]

I know how you feel as well. I deactivated my facebook as I am extremely busy with other things atm but I still find myself logging back on and checking his facebook even though he's not very active on it (thankfully)...I still go through pics, analyze recent friend requests, and I feel bad every time I do it.

 

Time and discipline...sigh

[lambmonster]

Thanks spartan211... I just wish I had more self control to stop myself from checking his stupid profile!

[lambmonster]

I tried deactivating my account but stupid me couldn't resist after a couple days... Just wondering how he was doing, what he was up to, if any girls had posted on his wall, was driving me mad. And every time I checked, I'd end up wishing I hadn't.

 

I just don't want him knowing I've deactivated my account because 2 months on, I'm still struggling to come to terms with our breakup when he's fine and dandy...

[shuttlefish]

^^^^he seems fine and dandy, but your don't really know for sure - that's the nature of facebook (and the nature of men as well sometimes).

 

Just go in baby steps...day by day - on the path to healing.

 

Next time you check (and feel like crap) write this emotion down on a piece of paper, just spill it all out - how you feel, how you regret looking, how it's messing up your life. Stash the paper away. Then next time you get the urge, before your log on, read the piece of paper. That might help.

[sweet17]

Lamb, how would he know the reason you deactivated your account is him? I know ppl that have done it when they have other things they need to concentrate on and feel FB is a distraction/an addiction, and deactivating it allows them to focus on what they need to do.

If you had done it immediately after the breakup he could suspect it, but 2 months down the road would seem less "suspicious", I think

[lambmonster]

Shuttlefish, I LOVE your idea. Whenever I get that itch to check again, I just need to slap myself and remember just how crummy checking his profile would make me feel. Until it finally sinks in!

 

sweet17, I feel he knows me too well... He'll know that something is up and he'll just "know" that it's because I'm avoiding him. Up until last week we were still talking/hanging out and since I began NC (5 days ago), I've gone off grid and to him, these will just all add up that I'm trying to avoid him

 

I'm also sort of afraid that if I deactivate it, he'll go nuts with the online flirting/photo uploading knowing that I won't be able to see it and he can't hurt me, but then when I eventually do get back on, it'll be like a huge punch in the face seeing it all!

[H20]

I recently found out a guy I used to date got married by checking Facebook. They had pics, the anniversary date etc. It stung, but I stopped talking to him about a year ago, so at least I was over it already. All i am gonna say is if you keep snooping your gonna find something that is eventually going to bite you in the butt. You will only have yourself to blame for it.

[ANewMe]

He knows you are looking at his profile and he is messing with you. If you don't feel ready to de-friend quite yet, consider deactivating your account.

 

Take my word for it, in the end, what you are currently doing will be your undoing. It can get worse.

 

EXACTLY. Shuttlefsih hit it right on the head.

 

Trust me on this one, he KNOWS you're checking that FB every damned day. And you know what? Chances are he's checking yours, too. Please do yourself a huge favor to your emotional well-being and delete him. Don't worry about explaining or justifying it to him...do it for you. Continuing to analyze something so incredibly ambiguous and easy to misinterpret as an FB like it was the Zapruder film will make things beyond worse than what they seem now.

[lambmonster]

Alright. Account deactivated... For me, because if I'm serious about getting over this breakup, I have to take all necessary steps. This is one of them.

 

And I'm hoping that the embarrassment I'd feel by coming back to this forum and admitting that I snooped again, will be enough to stop me from reactivating my account.

[lambmonster]

This isn't fair. After a horrible Easter of sitting around moping and feeling like crap, I did something proactive for ME. Deleted my Facebook because I was sick of snooping on the ex's profile and seeing his drunken Easter weekend photos. Straight after I deactivated it, I actually started to feel better.

 

Made plans for every day this week. If I'm busy, I can't think of him and miss him right?

 

The ex texted me angry that I 'don't reply his messages and deleted him from facebook.' HE doesn't reply MY text messages sometimes - making me feel like such a fool for sending it in the first place. His 'messages'? A three word email the other day ('hey you ok?') after seeing me post an angry rant on a mutual friend's wall (again, facebook you will be my demise...). I'd just started NC so I didn't reply.

 

Why does he still get the right to make me upset and make me feel like this? I woke up to go to the bathroom just now and read his angry text message, fired off a reply about how I'd deactivated my whole facebook - didn't just delete him, and now it's 4am and I'm just a nervous wreck waiting for his reply. Which won't come until late morning when he wakes up and reads it. This isn't fair. I was just feeling better.

 

Argh, am I meant to send out a mass 'goodbye everyone' email before I delete my facebook? That's ridiculous.

[jimmajam]

Unfriend him and if he asks why, just tell him you were having trouble with all the emotions attached to you seeing him with other people. It never hurts to be honest when asked about something.

 

I see you got rid of this problem. Good for you. he has no right to be upset about anything. You have no obligations to him especially if it's hurting you.

[lambmonster]

After I messaged him back saying I'd deactivated my account and hadn't just deleted him, he texted me saying he'd sent me messages to which I never replied. I didn't receive any messages from him! I don't know if it's a network thing or if he's referring to the one email he sent me last week..

 

I explained I hadn't received any and he was all, 'Guess you're not getting some of m messages then. Never mind.' Now I know him, and I know how he acts and he's being sulky. It's not my fault I didn't receive these texts - how can he be mad at me?!

 

I'm not going to text him back and try make him understand that it's not that I was ignoring him but I honestly didn't receive any messages since I'm

doing LC/NC... or should I?!