How to respond to this e-mail?

[hellodoe]

I want her back terribly, I have been NC for 2 weeks except a txt the other day that was just one line from me and one back from her.

 

"I'm really not sure how to start this at all. I guess I'll start by telling you highlights of the past few weeks. I started seeing a new therapist, who I really like and I feel like she's helping me a lot.

I hope that your interview went well and I'm glad that you liked looking at albany. That's where my estranged cousin Amanda goes to school- not that I would tell you to look her up, I doubt she'd be good company.

I'm really proud of your cf efforts, I wish I was doing as well. I'm sure I could be, and there's no excuse for me not to be, but I'm still not doing anything about it.

That's kind of the way I've been lately-disappointed but not doing much about it. I'd like to say that I'm trying, but I'm not sure that I'm giving this my all.

I'm not really sure what this email is meant to convey, I guess I'm just trying to communicate. I hope that you've been doing well and that your family and friends are well also.

-m"

 

what's the best way to respond to get her to start wanting me back

 

CF- means cystic fibrosis, her little sister has it and we are doing a fundraiser together, I have raised $550 and she has raised $50.

 

Help

 

If you want the details on our break up -

 

h t t p : / / w w w .enotalone. c o m /forum/showthread.php?t=334102

 

w/o spaces

[ToF]

Hi there,

 

I'm sorry to say it, but there's nothing you can say that'll just make her want you back And thinking that there's something you can do/say will only drive you nuts.

 

Get over her, move on, and be okay without her. Most of the time, that's the ONLY time getting back together is ever successful. Anything you do right now will most likely end in you getting hurt, so you need to focus on yourself.

[ForumGuy]

I was going to say you are dealing with depression in your partner here and the "therapist" maybe confirms that. You are young and most likely would be on the "rollercoaster" she is exhibiting for as long as you are with her.

 

I am where she is, going to the therapist, trying to get help for my lack of ambition and laziness about helping myself.

 

What has worked for partners of mine, whom I have broken up with, is them using no contact. Usually within about 3 weeks, I will start to realize I miss them and think they may be finding someone else, and then I call them back and want to get back together.

 

If I were you, I would look up things on the net about how to deal with a depressed partner. Good Luck.

[hellodoe]

so do you guys think i should just say nothing

[hellodoe]

Hi there,

 

I'm sorry to say it, but there's nothing you can say that'll just make her want you back And thinking that there's something you can do/say will only drive you nuts.

 

Get over her, move on, and be okay without her. Most of the time, that's the ONLY time getting back together is ever successful. Anything you do right now will most likely end in you getting hurt, so you need to focus on yourself.

 

how can you say that as if it is so cookie cutter?

i'm not saying i want to say something that will make her instantaneously want to be with me, just something that may put her on that path

[Chris Knows]

how can you say that as if it is so cookie cutter?

i'm not saying i want to say something that will make her instantaneously want to be with me, just something that may put her on that path

 

Because that's as simple in terms as it can get.

 

We have all been in that same situation. We think of ways to make them want you back ... you can't.

 

They have to realize the loss before they can gain you back.

 

Just work on yourself for a while.

 

Easier said then done ... but it's the only way.

[blackdog280]

Talk about her therapist, by the sounds of her email she is depressed, she is actually turning to you which indicates trust.

[abigheart]

so do you guys think i should just say nothing

 

Hey sorry to hear you're hurting, I read your story on the other thread. Just know it's not always going to be like this.

 

Anyway, so I'm assuming you sent an e-mail to her before she sent this one? Because looks like she's responding to things you mentioned about an interview, etc.

 

To be honest, I think you should just let it be as much as it hurts and you want to reply. She didn't leave anything open-ended as in there were no other questions she asked whereby it could be a back and forth exchange of convo. Maybe a very simple, short and sweet "I hope you're doing well, too, best wishes" type of message a few days later is okay. The therapist thing may be making you pretty sensitive, I would definitely feel that way, too so I see why you'd want to reach out. However, continuing to prod won't help. But make that one your last contact for now if you do decide to e-mail her...

 

Plus given how the break-up was handled, how you got angry, apologized, talked again, then said we won't talk again, etc..it can't be up and down like that. Let this just relaly sink in first. I think it'd be too much to jump out and be in contact all the time, it's not going to help either of you when your feelings are so fresh.

 

I think the best thing to do is no contact for a bit...don't e-mail her back (maybe that short e-mail like I said but not immediately) You say that you don't want to blatantly plead or "instantaneously" say something that'll want her back but "something that may put her on that path." To put it quite bluntly, you really can't do anything RIGHT NOW to make her change her mind or feelings. What I've learned from my break-up is that no matter how much we convey that we love our partner, he/she is not going to suddenly realize that his/her decision was wrong. If that realization comes, it comes LATER! This is how your ex feels right now - you have to accept it and not find ways to get her back. We are not in control of other people and their decisions. It's best to accept it and work on yourself.

 

Best of luck, you can do it!

[hellodoe]

Because that's as simple in terms as it can get.

 

We have all been in that same situation. We think of ways to make them want you back ... you can't.

 

They have to realize the loss before they can gain you back.

 

Just work on yourself for a while.

 

Easier said then done ... but it's the only way.

 

So I should ignore it?

[Chris Knows]

So I should ignore it?

 

Judgement call on your behalf.

 

You can respond. But it's not going to make her think of you any more or any less.

[ForumGuy]

I would write her something pretty short.

 

Just tell her that you have always loved her and always will but it is time to leave her alone so tou can get on with your life.

 

Then go NC and mean it. It will be hard, but you have to stick to it.

 

If she loves you, she will not be able to quit thinking about you, and eventually eat her pride and ask you back. If she doesn't love you, you will save yourself the heartache of riding the emotional coaster every day.

 

NOt saying that any of it will not hurt though, because it definitely does.

[hellodoe]

Thank you so much for the responses!

I have taken them all very much to heart and it means a lot to me.

And Happy Easter!

 

An update.. I haven't responded to the e-mail but she texted me yesterday saying

"Did I ever leave my charger for my camera at your house? I've been trying to find it for 3 weeks."

 

I thought this was weird because she hasn't been in my house for over 3 months.

 

So I said

"No, it's not here."

 

She said

"Ok thanks, I emailed you last night fyi, you don't need to respond or anything. Hope you're having a good weekend."

 

I said

"Thanks, I'll check it out after work. Hope you have a great Easter."

 

She said

"Have fun at work! And I'm at school so Easter will probably go unrecognized lol, hope yours is good too."

 

I said nothing back,

is this a good sign?

I still haven't responded to the e-mail..

Do you think this changes things?? D:

[Chris Knows]

Your going to have to stop grasping for straws my friend. Easier said then done.

 

We tend to think that every time our Ex reaches out to us that it is a sign of wanting reconciliation.

 

A lot of times, ex's find it hard not talking to you every day. They were in the relationship for as long as you were and often miss the little things as much as you do. That doesn't mean they are coming back soon or anytime soon.

 

She seems to be wanting to keep in contact with you to see how you are doing. Believe me, I have reconciled and it's not easy. I was in a 4 year relationship and we spent nearly 6 1/2 months apart in mostly NC.

 

If they WANT you back they will find a way to let you know that they WANT you back.

[hellodoe]

Thank you so much Chris, that makes sense and I am very happy to have your advice..

I will stay NC.

 

Funny as I was typing this she texted me happy easter haha.

[hellodoe]

so she just called me..

she just started laughing timidly and said hi i said hello

and she just said

"i know this is really random but i wanted to tell you i'm dropping my double major"

i said why

 

she said

"i just can't do it, there is no way i would be able to finish by the end of the semester."

 

i said i thought that was the best decision she could make.

 

she asked how my easter was i told her a little bit about mine she told me the little there was to tell about hers.

 

i didn't say anything and she said sadly that she just wanted to let me know about her decision.

 

i said "sure, is there any reason why?

 

then she seemed at a loss for words and just kind of said that it was something we talked about a lot and she wanted to share it with me.

 

i said alright and she said she would let me get to bed, i said ok, then she said thank you, goodnight.

 

 

blaghggkfdng

 

i don't want to seem as though i'm grasping for straws again

but i feel like this must say something.

should i continue to not contact her or text her tomorrow thanking her for sharing with me? b/c that's kinda what i'm feeling now..

 

thank you!

[abigheart]

No, I don't think there's a point to text her again to thank her for sharing that piece of info about her dropping her double major. You're gonna grasp at straws again and then have this whole back and forth thing happen. I'd let it be and continue NC

[TryingVeryHard]

^what this person said... also, i wouldn't answer the phone if she calls again.

 

if she has something she REALLY needs to tell you, she'll either leave a message or email you...

 

she made the decision to cut you out of her life, so she should have to deal with everything that that decision entails, which includes being able to call you up to share information about her life without you.

[hellodoe]

Thank you for the responses, they mean so much to me!

 

I want to stay NC but at the same time I'm scared I'm missing a good opening to reconnect.

I wrote a response to the e-mail she sent me,

don't know if it's worth sending?

 

 

This is the response I wrote

 

It's nice to hear you've found a therapist you like! It's a difficult task.

My interview went very well, I was happy with it.

 

Try not to worry yourself, disappointment has a tendency

to kick your ass in the right direction eventually.

My family & friends are crazy as always but well, I hope the same for yours & have been praying for your grandpa (he's too cool to stay sick).

I've been focusing on myself quite a bit and doing well, time has been moving very quickly.

Was nice to hear from you Mara, feel better.

 

me

 

A big reason why she ended up making the decision of break up final (she was extremely back and forth in the beginning) was because I said things along the lines of only doing things for myself in hopes to win her back(She wanted me to work on me for me if i wanted to be with her). So I feel like this e-mail may open her eyes a bit. I know my NC has probably already done that a bit as well.

 

 

Thoughts??