he is 41 and she is 17

[bubbles]

I have a friend who is going out with a 41 year old

 

she says there are just friends

 

i think he is too old for her but she doesn't listen to me

 

i don't know what to do anymore

 

Please help me

[lonelysoul]

that does seem a bit of an extreme age gap.

 

id meet him yourself an see wot he's like, make sure theres nothin dodgy goin on.

 

do her parents kno about it?id tell them if not.

 

if they're otherwise happy, its up to them isnt it?

[Marianne]

i'd like to say that love has no age its is sure a big Gap but if they are happy then theres not much you can do.

[JulieGoody]

That is not good. She is a child and he is a mature middle-aged man. If she says they are "just friends" I would be extremely wary of that. My question is what could they possibly have in common to be friends!? Please tell her parents if they are not aware.

 

I am not getting on my soapbox here for nothing. I have been in this situation. I am much older now, but when I was 14, I dated guys that were 21 and 22. I lied about my age and told them I was 18. I also told my friends and parents that we were "just friends".

 

Any grown man who is aware of her true age and continues this relationship is a pedophile. That is why there are laws in all fifty states against this type of behavior.

[wendella]

Not to scare you but he is preying on her. There is something askew here. It is not good for her to be friends with him. I was friends with a man when I was 14 and he was 36, I think, he ended up raping me at gun point.

 

I know that my case may be extreme, but he wants something from her. He is using her naivety and trust to convince her is wants to be friends. In all reality he wants to have sex with her, that is all, period. And sometimes people just take what they want.

 

Men that are older and try for younger women have something wrong with them, they may be into drinking or drugs, they may be a sexual deviant, the list goes on, but he is not around people his own age which is not right. He may be a predator. And definantly tell her parents, because it is illegal!!!!

 

I wish her and you the best.

 

Wendella

[sarahmaria]

this is very worrying...

the first thing that you should do is actually find out if they are infact only friends... what JulieGoody said she has been through is common..

i understand that she may be finding this pretty exciting... being with an older man, knowing that she is attracting mature men may lead her to pursue this kind of thing even more... if they arent just "friends", which am sure of, you'll have to find a way to put a stop to this realtionship... and the first step to do that, which you will find unanimous, is to talk to her parents... or if you cant directly speak to them try speaking to your parents first, or someone who can talk to her parents...

hopefully your friend is clever enough to stay clear of a relationship like this, and you wont have to go through all this trouble... the most important thing is that you find out the truth, so that you can deal with it...