Learning to forgive.

[DazB]

Any advice on forgiving someone?

 

I still feel very hurt and angry towards my ex and the guy she was texting as we were breaking up. I don't know if they are together now but I would be surprised if they weren't.

 

But I don't like feeling this way. How can I go about letting this anger and resentment go. I don't need it in my life.

[minou]

Forgiveness is a choice that you make. It's natural to have feelings about what happened first. Let them flow through you, don't hold onto them and then just make that choice. it's your mind. Your thoughts. You're in control of them. Once you've let yourself have the feelings, just do it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Any advice on forgiving someone?

 

I still feel very hurt and angry towards my ex and the guy she was texting as we were breaking up. I don't know if they are together now but I would be surprised if they weren't.

 

But I don't like feeling this way. How can I go about letting this anger and resentment go. I don't need it in my life.

 

Get busy with your own life. It is not necessary to forgive in order to find peace...peace comes from not making the ex the focus of your life...from putting the ex and any crappy things she did in the garbage pail of your mind. I never bought into the whole forgiveness thing because some things are just unforgiveable..some actions are not nice at all and shouldn't be forgiven if the other person feels no remorse. However, moving on comes not with forgiveness, but with recognizing that the rotten actions showed you the kind of person they really are and how you are much better off without them...and once you realize that, you can focus on your own life rather than re-hashing in your mind what she did. In other words, you need to throw her out in the garbage like yesterday's trash and walk away to focus on all the great things in your life and your hopes and dreams for the future.

[shes2smart]

Well...I found a "divide and conquer" approach helpful, m'self.

 

People tend to wrap a lot of different ideas into the word "forgive"...and not all those ideas are good ideas...and some of them are better described by other words.

 

I once heard a description of forgiveness as simply this: To forgive means I give up the option of hurting you because you hurt me.

 

Forgiveness does not mean you condone or approve of the behavior....nor does it mean you have to have any further contact/interaction with the person. You don't even need to let them know you've chosen to forgive.

 

If you look at it that way, forgiveness is more about YOUR behavior -- that you are choosing to take the high road and choosing NOT to retailiate when most people probably wouldn't blame you if you did. You choose to not retailiate not because you agree with what was done, but because you believe retailiation is not the right thing to do.

 

And if you look at it that way, you can forgive and still believe what they did was immoral, hurtful, wrong and despicable. You can forgive and still exclude them from your life.

[LAYAAN]

This is a very helpful advice. I've been struggling with anger and bitterness towards a lot of men that I went out on date with. I hope to implement your advice. Thank you so much!