stuck in a rut

[Million Dead]

yeh, cliched as it may sound, i am stuck in a rut... every girl i "befriend" with intentions of hopefully one day going out with her just seems to go down the drain. they usually go off with other guys or even my own blasted mates!

i'm in no way unattractive and have a nice, friendly personality but i cannot seem to EVER even get anywhere. i'm so sick of seeing other guys my age with their girlfriends and be the lone one stuck at home or left in the crowd at parties while everyone else goes off for the night... with their girlfriends...

what do i do? should i go to more parties and social things and just keep trying and keep getting rejected? should i just give up? i dunno, i don't like giving up, its not in my nature... it just seems so ***in hopeless.

anyway, any advice on what chicks like, what they look for in guys etc... would be MUCH appreciated... thanks

[Scorpio]

Buddy, just be yourself, thats the only advice i can give you.

 

It will happen....just keep trying.

 

Everyone hates rejection, and gets down, but...stick it out, it will all turn out good in the end.

 

And i know what you mean about not giving up, its in my nature too, just keep pluggin away and you'll get what you want, persistence is the key.

 

But dont try and put on a show, girls like guys to be normal, dont be someone your not. I find body language really important, but that my personal opinion.

 

Hope ive helped in some way.

[woobiegirl]

Sorry you're in a rut, but believe me.... I don't know anyone who hasn't been there. My suggestion would be to stop trying for the time being...focus on yourself as far as school, career, goals, hobbies, try something new & exciting, hang w/ friends and generally focus on the things YOU enjoy doing. I don't mean to dimish the fact that your 17, but you have a lifetime of choices and challenges ahead of you. What you do with it and how you handle it is in your hands...you control the direction you want your life to go in. Sure we have obsticles along the way, but that's what gives each person that individuality.

 

I had a 4 year span where I just couldn't meet sincere men either...they said they wanted one thing, but their actions indicated another. It wasn't acceptable to me, so I just kept moving on because I knew someday I would meet that "special one" (which I did several months ago)...but it happened when I wasn't expecting it, and I wasn't making it my spotlight so to speak. Actually I did the opposite because I was so tired of the b/s that I took a break by focusing on my career, went to the gym allot, made a list of where I'd like to travel, made new friends, got involved in new projects and basically did whatever made me feel good about myself. When you focus on improving your innerself a funny thing happens...people notice. They see a new spark about you, a smile on your face, excitement and a positive outlook....that's the key to attracting others. People are attracted to self confidence, sure we have our days...but there should be more positive then negative. If there's more negative it's time to sit down and do some thinking of what steps you need to take to change it. If your not happy with where your at, it's time to take a new road.

 

I've never believed that popularity stems around "looks"...sure, everyone is visual, so it's the 1st thing people notice, but I've talked to my share of attractive men and women and they had absolutely no spark. On the other hand a person who has a smile on their face, is positive without being conceited, has a great sense of humor and carry's himself or herself w/pride is the one I always found attractive and sexy. I also prefer being around creative and interesting people who teach me new things, but they also expect the same in return. We were all born in bodies & locations that we had no choice in, but it's the choices we make for ourselves that's separates us from the rest.

 

You will meet many gals along your journey, it's what I consider stepping stones to learning & experiencing life until you meet that final soulmate. The key is to enjoy the journey along the way, build your memories, no regrets and don't rush it...there are far too many unhappily married couples already, so make your choices wisely and don't ever settle for 2nd best.

 

Be positive, create your own happiness and others will notice and will admire you for it. Hope this helped a little!

 

take care,

Woobiegirl

[xxatti]

Its most likely the way your presenting yourself. Thats to say how your coming accross to these girls. Girls see guys in two different ways, the type that they would be interested in sexually, and the type that they see as just "friends." How you come accross and portray yourself means nearly everything because once you enter that friend zone it's nearly impossible to get out.

 

It's hard to describe exactly what I mean, but little things about your personality and you aura or air of confidence play a role also. It has a lot to do with the way you act, the way you move, the way you look at her. All of these things either make you or break you.

[Artiste19]

About what you said about having enough female friends, but never getting further, I've experienced the same but from the other side. I seem to keep getting more guy friends, but they always remain friends and that's it. In the past I've wondered why nothing happens, since sometimes you feel it could be more, but I think it has a lot to do with what xxatti said about how you come accross to the girl. If you work too hard at being her friend for too long, soon it will be hard for her to tell that you want more, and that you're not being friendly or just joking around. So being friends is good, just make sure you start to make your intentions more noticeable, before you get back into the friendship rut. For me, with guy friends, I wish I'd been more clear earlier, because now with a particular guy I've known for three years, it's hard to change things, because it might get weird. And while I sometimes I think I notice him acting differently I can't tell if he's trying to be more than friends or not, which sounds like what might be happening with your girl friends.

 

As for what girls look for, thats different for everyone I guess, and it sounds like you don't have a problem with your personality, or being friendly. so next time, let her know sooner before you both become good friends. Just keep doing whatever you've been doing, because there are lots of girls who want to meet a friend;y, atttractove guy . . .. good luck!

[Million Dead]

thanks guys and girls... i think thats it hay, what xxatti said... i just present myself in more of a "friend" way... now i know how to change it so thanks. and i think i'm gonna change my outlook on life, like woobiegirl suggested... if it worked for her, its gotta work for me